Elephant in the room

I am fairly sure that* Barbadosbelle*was joking.

Barbadosbelle
That is very wrong. You cannot do that or advise anyone to do that. It's illegal Have you never heard of Consent?

ED is a sign of diabetes, a side effect of his other meds, or something serious like prostate cancer or heart disease.

Doc has heard it all and will check.

Tell him that it is not just his problem and you have booked him an appointment. Tell him you are not ready to be a widow and he is going.

Barbadosbelle

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Is there a way of crushing it in his cuppa or mashed potato so he's none the wiser?!!!

(As long as it doesn't clash with any other meds of course!!)
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That would be illegal.

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Is there a way of crushing it in his cuppa or mashed potato so he's none the wiser?!!!

(As long as it doesn't clash with any other meds of course!!)
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My husband had ED and he saw the Dr who gave him viagra who told him to come back if there was still a problem. Nothing changed but he wouldn't go back. Years later it turned out to be a problem with blood flow. We only found out because he had pains in his legs when walking which stopped as soon as he rested. Now he is on medication to thin his blood, blood pressure meds and statins. He no longer needs the viagra and wishes he had gone years sooner because now his arteries are more clogged than they needed to be.
Thank goodness I insisted he went back to the GP because if I hadn't, he might not have lived to tell the tale.
ED can be caused by prostate cancer too so at the very least he should get a test done to rule that out.

Why are we so ready to accept the 'too old for proper sex' idea? A man with good blood flow can get an erection at any age. ED is often caused by medication, and also by underlying health conditions. It is also very often caused by lack of confidence which obviously brings on MORE lack of confidence, so the whole thing snowballs. This IS the business of you, Mell967, as his wife, because you naturally may want full intercourse. Viagra can be a good way to break through if he he's into that negative cycle - worth trying a sex therapist maybe? Hope you get this sorted.

A horrible situation for you to be in. If it’s the lack of closeness then I do hope he’s still open to cuddles and a bit of romance. There are excellent sex toys on the market for you to use alone so that you are still able to enjoy a different way to stop your frustration.

Poor you too. You've had to forego a sex life while he refuses to address that it might also be a problem for you. Men and their willies!

My ex had ED, but it didn't really have an effect on the quality of our sex life. It's possible to work around it. Are you two still intimate despite the ED? I would reassure him that while I love every bit of him, what matters most to me is to be close and have fun together whatever way we can manage. (I mean, if that's true.)

Good point, yes a number of meds do run that risk. Viagra can help with that on some.

If your DH suffers with depression he could be on meds that have caused ED, if you know what he is on look it up on google it will list the side effects. But just being depressed could cause ED. If he won’t open up about ED perhaps he would open up about his depression etc., have you had a full and frank conversation about this, if not see how initiating this works and don’t mention the ED at all. In helping him tackle his MH problems I think you might then be able to tackle his ED which I am sure is not unconnected.

I'd recommend phrasing it as you're concerned there could be something serious going on. This is actually very true - ED can be caused by issues such as multiple sclerosis and heart disease. You can explain to him that it's not a reflection on his manhood; many men experience this and it doesn't have to be "just part of getting older". A doctor can help to determine if it's something psychological or if there is a physical issue at the root of it.

for so many men ed is tied up with their whole self image and sense of selfhood. It's a crying shame, because the only best option is to talk together and manage it together and there are lots of options as well as chemicals. (sex toys, the lot, ways of pumping up etc, to be TMI brutally honest.

You cant force him to talk to you head on, but just say you want to share the problem and will he talk it over with his counsellor as an option, ie you two facing it together?

BTW, is he moderately or quite overweight this brings on ED far younger than it might otherwise - and something that can be tackled.

Some men dont like to take Viagra, ie in their heads if it's not natural then it doesnt count, or is a mark of shame It isn't - its freed up millions of marriages/partnerships

Let other people help him, and let him help himself.

This is difficult I know, but he doesn't walk to talk to you so maybe you should just wait until he is ready to do so, or not if that is the case. Just respect his decisions.

This is a tricky one. I am not sure how old he is but if he is an older man than this can be normal and the doctor would probably prescribe Viagra or similar. There are also supplements (I think) that he can take which would help but make sure they are proper pharmaceutical supplements not just something you buy in a store. It would seem that his mental health might be causing the issue and of course worrying about it won't help his mental health. Does he talk to the counsellor about his ED if so, perhaps he/she could help? I understand your sadness, sadly many men won't talk about this so i would think you are not alone. There is a lot of information on this website mentalhealth-uk.org/mens-mental-health/