I'm not a hotel

Just another quick thought. If you find it difficult to say ‘no’ when put on the spot, could you buy a pack of notelets with spring flowers on the front and write a note to your friends just to say now spring is here everyone’s thoughts are turning to making plans for the summer. Just to let you know that sadly we will not be able to offer stays with us in the future as …whatever reason you decide. If you are in the area we would love to meet for lunch one day, in the meantime hope these spring flowers cheer your day.
If you act quickly enough, your opening message inside the card could be ‘Happy Easter!’ f followed by the above. This might be easier if you struggle to say no in ‘real life’.

My friend who lives in a very nice flat in Edinburgh finds friends come out of the woodwork every year at Festival time.

When he grumbled about them we told him it was his own fault, he should just say no but some people find it very hard to say no.

Just politely say that you have had to make the decision to stop having guests stay at your home, and that so many people were coming to stay it was just exhausting.
Say if you let them stay everyone will expect to stay. It's your home

It would be lovely to see you for coffee etc but we can’t put anyone up anymore. We do look forward to seeing you. What are your dates and we can arrange something.
This worked perfectly for me. They did understand and we did meet up. Hope it works out well for you.

I have the perfect solution. There is no bed in the spare room .

"It has been so nice to have had you stay over the years but we are no longer in a position to accommodate guests. Would you like us to give you details of hotels nearby?. Let us know when you are in the area and we can meet up for a coffee"

JulieAT

I have the perfect solution. There is no bed in the spare room .

Perfect

My brother had a similar problem, but if anyone suggests visiting, he says quite simply, " we dont put visitors up, these days, it is enough managing to look after ourselves, but of course if you are in the area we would like to meet you for coffee somewhere (or quote a cafe you have used previously) It is said in a simple way and yet it works , because it is the truth. Those of a similar age will recognise the situation and may be glad to do the same themselves. Those that dont have no empathy and are being very cheeky. If someone writes to you saying they plan to come down send them a couple of addresses of camping or b/b and again say you hope to meet for coffee if you are free. Dont offer anything else and it will be much easier because you will only have to do it once, and dont need to make up any excuses. If you are in company and you fear that someone is about to plan to land on you, bring the conversation round to saying your friends up the road are in the same boat as you now and dont have anyone staying but that they do enjoy meeting up at a cafe or whatever sometimes. It is not at all unreasonable. I can understand with families, in a way. I have always been very independant and drive around etc , but my son suggested us meeting at somewhere we used to do quite a lot, and I had to remind him that we were going there 20 years ago and now at aged 80 it was a bit far , and he did say that , to him, I dont change much and he forgets how old I am. So being charitable some of your visitors may not think about that , but you will soon find out the ones who care, who stay somewhere and meet up and the ones who were just on the scrounge may fade away but you wont miss them.

Agree with Charlie girl, I am in a similar position living in southern Ireland.
I just had to say I can't manage to put you up again but would love to see you if you visit this part of Ireland

My adult children and grandchildren visit very frequently but they always help out. Daughter and son do vacuuming, cook, load dishwasher, waterjet the patio, buy some shopping, etc, so they are a great help. My nephew who is more like a son to me visits and stays occasionally, as do other family members, but it's only once a year usually. I'm happy with that atm.

Mostly I visit people very often via Travelodge accomadation . We can do what we want and they don’t have to worry about bed changes , food etc. we usually stay at our boys and vice versa . My sister started to try to get off at Stansted airport after a cheap flight and get on a bus to where we live landing at ridiculous o clock am to save taxi fares then go back on the bus and returning home after a few hrs or days via very cheap train return to Cambridge. Then bus pass . Can’t stand it ! Grr 😠

It's your home so just say NO

Just tell them you can’t put them up but will meet them for a meal or at a place of interest one afternoon etc If you need an excuse (and you shouldn’t) then:
1. Sorry, not up to hosting anymore
2. I’ve other plans that week - but could spare a few hours to meet up
3. We are doing away with our spare rooms and are decorating - just awaiting confirmation of dates

Etc etc

OMG I’ve invited myself to my Sister’s house. Very convenient for trains to London. Should I cancel?
She and her DH spent last night with us so I won’t.😂
I will take my duvet and pillows (so she only has to wash a sheet) wine and cheese. Plus last but not least - my scintillating conversation.
Maybe it’s OK to use each other if it’s reciprocated?

Had exactly the same problem twice now once when lived abroad and once when in a lovely part of this country. Tried saying we would be away ourselves but some people said they were flexible and when could we accommodate them so that didn't work. Relatives we hadn't heard from in a very long time crawled out of the woodwork to visit when we were abroad. never heard from most of these people when we lived in a less 'desirable' place. In the end said to one lot of rellies that we'd had a full house most weekends the previous year and just needed time to ourselves instead of running a hotel - haven't heard from them since!

We have one couple, long standing friends, come to stay. They are no problem, make no demands and generally fit in. We go to their home too. It’s worked wonderfully for many years, however their last stay left me exhausted. If they want to come again, and I suspect they will, I’ll reduce the stay by a night and see how that goes. If it gets too much I’ll simply tell them, they’ll be disappointed but not argue or be offended. In fact they will probably laugh as they are older than me and have far more energy.

Another couple have been told quite directly hosting them would be too much. Instead we meet between our homes for a day. We’ve also stopped going to their home, it would feel unfair to do so. Other people pass through for a meal or a motorway break. We manage those by honestly, if it’s convenient we say of course, if inconvenient we say so.

Family come at the most three at a time for the odd night. That’s entirely different. They very much find us as we are and muck in with whatever needs doing while not expecting to be entertained.

There are many suggestions here exdancer, gentle honesty feels a sensible way forward.

Totally get you. We moved to a seaside resort and was inundated with visitors every weekend - usually families of 4 so I’d had to buy food for 8 from a Friday till a Sunday and it was costing us a fortune - don’t get me wrong they were always grateful and would but flowers or but a snack out but it didn’t touch what we had to lay out. We would constantly have to think of places to visit - even the car park at the beach could cost 15.00 and then there were the ice creams etc nothing was cheap

We decided to start having students to give a bit of a income and that put a stop
To anyone staying

You could tell a little white lie and say you have found some volunteering work at the weekend so unable to entertain as much

Family are different Sazz I don't think the OP is thinking of family visitors.

We lived near the Kent coast in the days when people crossed the channel in ferries.
One particular couple came every year on their car journeys to and from Scotland.

I didn't know them well or particularly like them. DH university friends.

Then we moved to Scotland with 2 small DC and we never saw them again. They didn't offer to help us settle in or show us hospitality.
I know I shouldn't hold grudges but

My parents had the same issue. I don't think people realise the added stresses and expense their "few days" causes to their hosts. A few times, 'a few days' turned into 2 weeks and "I didn't think you'd mind that I brought so and so along!"
Eventually my Mum just had to bite the bullet and write to them all explaining that she could no longer manage to have guests stay. Unfortunately only 1 couple kept in touch after that.

Years ago we moved to a cottage in the country with a self contained annex. We had the same problem as ExDancer. All the people we'd left behind when we moved wanted to come and stay, regardless of the season - one couple came for a fortnight! I remember one day I was just stripping the bed sheets from the last visitors when the next lot were coming down the drive. It all got too much and we started to turn all but family and close friends down. Not only was it costing us an absolute fortune it was also very hard work. The only bonus was that close friends would come and house-sit and look after the dogs/cats whilst we went away for a break.

Just say 'I'm sorry, I've stopped having people to stay as it's just too much for me these days.'

We had an ex work colleague of my husband who arrived from France twice a year for nearly 20 years. At first it was a pleasant reunion, but I did all the cooking etc. 2 years ago he was 89 and I thought surely he won't still come. We had downsized, so he had to book b and b .He used to travel all over the UK by train. But come he did, smelly strongly of pee. We stuck it out, thankfully this time just a few days. After he had gone (we wondered about Ryanair!) we found one armchair soaked in urine, and the front seat if the car. He also used to stay with his deceased mother's neighbour up north, and had done for 30 years! Fortunately I had her phone number, so I found out they had had the same trouble. They were much older than us. The woman had told him they could no longer cope. The spare bed and one chair has to be destroyed, they were ££££ out of pocket. He had also put charity shop clothes in their loft. Anyway, we emailed and said how upset we were. We said we would continue our relationship by email, and we exchange a few per year . I'm sure his French partner did not know. The lady up north died shortly after, so we don't know any more.

You could say you’ve started doing Bn B and the charge will be x per night, or xxx for DBB, if it is just the cost that’s worrying you, but an outright No, if you don’t want to host any more.

I’m reading this tonight six months after husband died and today my dog died suddenly. My children stay rarely Busy with eork and single life. Friends from where we lived before husband injured have melted bar the very best and come rarely. Tgey still work. Good people here but Tgey don’t need my 3 spare beds. I understand it’s hard work but there are ways to ease it. If you enjoy their company there’s fish and chips and a meal out. Maybe short and sweet. Please embrace that feeling of people around you. It’s very quiet here tonight.

ExDancer - you seem keen to remain polite whilst refusing and I understand completely. However, if you give the impression that your refusal is a 'one off' because you have plans for something else at that particular time, or you just want a rest for this year, you won't solve the problem and you need to be honest as others have said. Don 't beat about the bush. You've no longer got the energy to host and it's more important for you to have privacy in your own home. So, suggest some local accommodation, and then upscale if you feel you want to by offering a lunch or dinner, but downscale by suggesting you meet in a restaurant or for a picnic. There's nothing wrong with saying "sorry but it's no longer convenient". I had this problem when I lived in London and had two small rooms with decent sofabeds that were used as sitting rooms/workspaces during the day. One particular relative often came "for work" turning up in time for dinner, and leaving the following morning after breakfast. I knew that the employer gave a generous overnight allowance but that was simply pocketed without even a cheap bottle of wine, bunch of flowers, or box of chocolates being brought. On one occasion I learned after the event that there was no "work" commitment and we were simply a convenience while they visited an old friend. Whether it's for one night or three, you're still left with a room out of action and the bed linen to wash and bathroom to clean. The next time we were 'told' they were coming, I simply said it wasn't convenient. You really do need to be straightforward on this otherwise your summer 2026 will disappear.