Mum & money

My grandmother would visit DH in our home and bring tinned York ham. I think she thought we were all still on rationing.
Fortunately she didn’t expect us to open and serve it.

Years ago there was a Duke who walked through St James's on the way to his London club. He always wore a shabby old raincoat and sometimes passers-by would give him small sums for a cup of tea. He always graciously accepted.

Every time my mum came over or we went there, she would give us groceries of some sort. When DS visits or we go there, I do the same! I buy in bulk so it may be loo rolls, washing up liquid, food that I know they like, or M&S vouchers so they can treat themselves. Probably, like my mum, your mum is just trying to ensure that you don’t have to cut back on something in order to host them. Accept with grace.

However, my brother offered me money when he and his family came for Sunday dinner once and I told him where to shove it. He did explain that it was because he felt guilty that my SiL would never invite us over.

She's trying to help. The correct response is to say thank you.

I think that’s what parents do.
Especially now my mum is getting on & can’t be bothered cooking for crowds.
If I have a get together my mum always offers to bring wine, pudding, or a cheese board.

My elder daughter drives 40 miles to see me, bringing items I have been unable to source locally (garden chairs and bird seed this week) or cannot carry home. I not only pay her for the items but usually add some on top towards the fuel. I also make sure she goes home (late in the evening) with a home-cooked meal inside her as I know she will be too tired to cook when she gets home.

She used to try and refuse the "extras" but knows better now.

I take my mum & friend out on a Sunday a few miles away, drop off, then I go home.
Later on I pick them up & drive friend home, then on to mums & back home again. She puts a tenner of petrol in my car.
It would be three times more in a taxi. Plus I want see them safely in the door.
I wouldn’t take it at first, then diesel went sky high.
So now I take it with grace.
After all my car doesn’t run on love & fresh air.
Your mum wants to contribute, so take with grace.

She is probably remembering when it was difficult to host family meals, Christmas, when money was tight.

I agree with everyone else, your Mum is just doing her bit to help. Offering money is easier than looking for a gift which you probably wouldn't want anyway.
Given with love accept it in the same way.

I expect your Mum wants to 'do her bit' to help and if it's not practical help it is money instead. I would accept it gracefully with a hug and use it to treat yourself as that's likely what she'd want. My parents used to give me money we didn't need, it was a gift given with love and now I take joy from doing the same with my daughter and SIL.

Maybe as PP says they have disposable income which is not being spent. Accept and say thank you, you dont need to but it will pay for the wine or dessert. And put it towards the next bottles of wine.

I often do the same for my AC. I dont think they are offended. Often say its petrol money especially when DD2 has a long drive to visit us regularly.
My Dad did the same for me!

Dont be offended....life is too short to take offence.

Your taking away your mother’s joy of giving. Accept gracefully.

When my son in law offers to do things for us like taking a load to the tip I always give him the petrol money even though he says there is no need . I have never thought of him being offended. It is just that we have more disposable income than they do and I like to preserve some measure of independence.

Cossy

I think your Mum is simply being gracious, giving and thinks this is a nice way of thanking you.

Accept the money in the spirit it is being given.

I agree with this.

You could say "you dont have to, or need to do that".
But she may still do it anyway.

Don’t be hurt or offended. I do this sometimes with my family. We have moved to a small flat so can no longer reciprocate, we are often invited a day or two before so not much time to arrange a contribution.
I feel better about accepting if I make a contribution. I just transfer a sum and say nothing. when they thank me I just tell them it was such a lovely meal and I’d like them to treat themselves as a thank you from us.
I never thought about them being hurt or offended. Crikey, I hope not.

Would she normally have brought something like a pudding or a cake but doesn't feel up to doing that now?

Please don't be hurt or offended or tell her tgat you are. Xx

I think your Mum is simply being gracious, giving and thinks this is a nice way of thanking you.

Accept the money in the spirit it is being given.

I don't think you should feel hurt, maybe they were of a generation who found laying on a very nice meal for guests would be a strain on the finances. Aside from that aspect, guests often bring contributions wine, chocolates anyway. Just thank her say "I appreciate the gesture but I don't need it".

Enjoy the lunch regardless.

Perhaps they have been used to giving you money for things in the past. I often offer to pay for my son's train ticket etc as he is having problems at the moment.

Perhaps she feels it’s their way of contributing, if you are cooking etc?

Maybe years ago they were the ones doing all that.

If it makes her happy to give you some cash towards the meal, I would thank her and accept it graciously, but say there is no need.

Their company is what you want.