Being excluded from Hen do!

I think you are probably right Geordie girl and there was no ill intent.

Me too!

monami

Tell her you have been invited on a friend's daughter hen party and you cannot mind your GD ,

That made me 😂

It makes sense if she regarded the hen do as for ‘her side’. That’s the only reason I can think of.

To have a potential relationship with gc , Adam Peaty mentioned, involves watching your responses to everything, not taking offence at public snubs as the hen part was and the extremely unkind comments made by dil.and knowing you are being tolerated. Several of you appear to do that to have some sort of relationship. One rule is never talk publicly about problems as so many celebs and a royal have, even selling their stories.

Tell her you have been invited on a friend's daughter hen party and you cannot mind your GD ,

I think you have to think carefully about your priorities before deciding next steps.

1. You are understandably hurt. You can choose to :
*Suck it up and say nothing
* Just comment pleasantly re glad you had all had a nice time and leave it with her. She may or may not realise she was unkind
*Make passive/aggressive comments as some have suggested
*Tell her you were hurt and discuss it openly

In deciding what you want to do you need to factor in the short term possible outcomes and long term possible outcomes in terms of your relationship with her and therefore,by default, with your son and potentially your grandchildren. 💐

Poor manners & lack of protocol to say the least.

She made a stupid comment- probably upset a few others who weren’t invited too! I would also feel upset but would not say anything to her as it will create tension. MIL relationships can be tricky and best to forget this. Is she normally friendly, polite & grateful for what you do?

Roxynounou So was your son oblivious to the fact that you weren't invited? Surely he saw the photos and comments and realised you haven't been invited? Seems strange to me. I think it was very mean and cutting to put those comments on social media with the photos. Difficult situation though.

I feel for you as I too would be very upset and would want to say something, but then I wouldnt because it may cause friction and I wouldnt want to lose contact with my dear GC .
I know some who have spoken out and sadly no longer see their GC.
Big hugs 💐

Allsorts

Well Roxy, you have a charmer there. Whatever you say will be water off a ducks back. She has shown what she thinks if you. I would comment on it however although she has shown what she thinks, I would do it lighthearted but couldn't ignore a snub like that, would not be so availabke in future..

I would be very careful there. Especially if she still wants a relationship with her son and grandchild.
As someone mentioned earlier look at that Adam Ramsay-Peaty case.

Maybe one of those women can do the childcare dutie

Well Roxy, you have a charmer there. Whatever you say will be water off a ducks back. She has shown what she thinks if you. I would comment on it however although she has shown what she thinks, I would do it lighthearted but couldn't ignore a snub like that, would not be so availabke in future..

Agree - a very thoughtless comment from your future daughter in law. I would have to say something also. If we are all ‘the better person’ , ‘rise above it’ and ‘pretend it doesn’t bother us’, how on earth are these insensitive individuals ever going to start thinking about how their actions can impact others ?

MollyNew

I'm usually a great believer in biting my tongue or rising above it but I would find it difficult in this case. At least you know where you stand with her for future reference. I would be inclined to be less available for childcare and let her rely on all the women she "cares about".

Here, here.

I would not bother much with her in the future. She is obviously not bothered about you and quite cruel.At least you know where you stand.

Best Wishes
😻
X

Are you older than the mum and aunt? Do they drink and socialise more than you? She may have thought it wasn’t your thing.

P.S. My GC spend a lot of time with the other GPs. I fully understand - they are more than 10 years younger than me and have the energy to run around with the little ones - I don’t 😂

juneandarchie1 - when parents divorce and re-marry, there’s always someone who will be hurt. I am divorced. We have 3 children. My husband has re-married. I have not.
There were complications and hurt at the weddings of both my sons. It was all about seating arrangements, too complicated to mention. Sensibly, my daughter got married abroad.
The repercussions of divorce are awful, especially if one of the parties has re-married and the other has stayed single.
I feel for your partner. I don’t know the circumstances of your partner’s divorce, but his daughter is torn.
Roxynounou that must have been so hurtful. You are a better person than I am.

That's just it, it's the exclusion and the inference that the future daughter-in-law doesn't care about her even though she's good enough to look after the granddaughter.

Perhaps it was just thoughtless, who knows?
Perhaps if it was mentioned (carefully) it could make her think and realise how unkind it was.

We had a 'save the date' for a wedding but no actual invitation was forthcoming.

It's not really about hen do's is it? It's about excluding somebody and then telling them they've been excluded.

This sort of thing seems to be on the rise and I think it's horrible.

Ooh , that's very hurtful . The way mother in laws get such a bashing but daughter in laws can be absolutely brutal . I'd say nothing but I wonder how she'd feel to be excluded from a pre family get together with just your son and family members . Just a suggestion lol

Juneandarchie1

People can be so hurtful and selfish at times. My partners daughter has just told him she’s asking her mother to give her away instead of him, even after being fitted with a suit to her approval.
After everything he has done for her, and she’s not even given him an explanation why, I feel so sorry for him, he’s absolutely gutted, but graciously said to her it’s her wedding day, so her choice.

Awww how awful

As he said it's her choice, her day. But very hurtful for your partner.

People can be so hurtful and selfish at times. My partners daughter has just told him she’s asking her mother to give her away instead of him, even after being fitted with a suit to her approval.
After everything he has done for her, and she’s not even given him an explanation why, I feel so sorry for him, he’s absolutely gutted, but graciously said to her it’s her wedding day, so her choice.

Mojack26

Why did her own mother not say to her that you should be invited?? Whether you go or not is irrelevant but you should have been asked. I personally hate these things and reluctantly went to my daughter's . To me it's for bride's pals/ bridesmaids. Rise above it,hard I know. Sending hugs🥰🥰

I agree that the mother of the bride should have said something. I have DDs and they are given a nudge by me if I think their MiLs are in danger of feeling left out.