Would you think it was odd if a younger person wanted to befriend you?

I feel the question you have raised is a little subjective. A younger person befriended me many years ago and I ended up marrying him. There is a two year age gap between us.

I've never really thought about people 'wanting' to be friends. It either happens or doesn't.

I have always had friends of all ages - they may have been neighbours or work colleagues or people I met at the gym, parents at my childrens' schools or at parties. But they were people I had something in common with, whether it was a skillset or a sense of humour.

If you have any free time I would suggest joining a club/evening class/anything where there are women for you to become friends with. Maybe it's not older women you need, just women who are not going to wear you out further.

Jeccaevs

This probably seems like a strange query. But I would really like to befriend some older women. I’m in my thirties and in the thick of it with two toddlers. My own mother died before they were born and I have no remaining females in my family since my Nan died a few years ago. My friends all have their own hectic lives working full time raising young children too- I am also the only one without a mother or any kind of matriarch figure. I guess the needy part of me just wants someone older than me to tell me everything will be okay because I’m kind of tired of having to figure absolutely everything out myself whilst also being the person all the rest of my (male) family come to for help. Having said that, this isn’t a tiny violins plea for someone to ‘rescue’ me- I genuinely value the wisdom of older women and I enjoy their company. I used to work with a few but I changed jobs and relocated and I miss seeing them. So my ask is, would you consider it strange if someone younger wanted to be friends?

You might be interested in this:
adoptagrandparent.org.uk

friendlygingercat

Apart from the fear by relatives that a younger person befriending an older may have financial motives there is the worry that the younger may be guilted into being a carer. Every so often there are threads on Mumsnet by someone who became friendly with an older neighbour and found themselves being sucked into an unofficial PA or carer role.

This happened to me when I first came to live in this area and its so easy to get sucked in. You do a kindness for someone - in my case helping them with a benefit form. Then they ask you to make phone calls, go to the post office, do bits of shopping. In the meantime you have a full time job and your own busy life. There comes a time when you have to assert your boundaries. This is why I now have minimal contact with neighbours. because its difficult to avoid them. With a physical distance you can always manufacture an excuse.

My public -spirited elder sister ( in her late sixties and early seventies) got sucked into something like this. Her neighbour was even older than my sister and the lady's relatives were in N Zealand and prevailed on my sister through phones texts and emails to do the supportive work that they themselves should have been doing or else move MUM out to Kiwi to live with them.
Generally I have friends 10 years younger than me and I'd have no problem with other younger friends provided the friendship arose naturally out of shared interests etc as someone said earlier here.
The OP sounds nice and genuine and not creepy but in theory someone looking for "an old person" to befriend to vampirise (is that a word?) their wisdom and life experiences etc would put me off.

Years ago I worked self employed as a temporary PA to people with disabilities. Gave it up to look after 1st grandchild but I'd become very friendly with one lady. We met for lunch regularly and she visited my home, met my family etc.
Then the late night calls started asking for help and expected me to drive 7 miles across town. It started occasionally but frequency increased as time went on. She even asked my OH and sister if I wasn't available. It was a favour no money offered for petrol or anything. It because almost every night there was something. In the end I explained we couldn't help anymore as we had a lot going on. It was quite obvious she was saving money by contacting us and not her regular PA or the agency she used.
Take care who you make friends with as some people will just want to use you and its a difficult situation to get out of.

Sorry just read the post before mine. Great minds... !

You could contact Age UK to see if they run a befriending service. I used to do it until the lady I was matched with sadly died aged 101! Towards the end it was mostly me supporting her to enable her to go out, but I definitely valued her wisdom and experience throughout and we had fun! Age UK will match you by interests etc.

I volunteer with Age UK, and I befriend all sorts of people who are lonely. I had to have referees and do a police check, so I think that I can be trusted. They enjoy it, and so do I; they are very interesting to talk to and usually older than me.

I do still have my Mum and have a sister and friends but my own kids are older teenagers or away at Uni so need me less. I volunteer once a week at a place where there are a lot of older women. My own mum is getting older and 'needs' me to help her a lot but I always find going and spending time with the volunteer older ladies really refreshing. They will sometimes offer a view of the world/situations which is different from mine and some are really helpful when I am dealing with tricky stuff about my Mum and can give a different perspective. Likewise they might talk about their teenage grandchildren/tech issues/ other stuff with me. I find them fun/wise to chat with and always come away feeling uplifted so I totally get where you are coming from OP. I never realised I needed a group of older ladies in my life until I went here.

I would be quite happy to be friends with a much younger person. In fact my next door neighbour, who has only lived there about a year has become a friend. She is in her 30s/40s with a five year old daughter. She has invited me out when going to the shops and I have enjoyed going with her. Her mum died last September, so maybe that has something to do with it. She works from home for herself, so I suppose easier for her than someone having to working full time in different premises. She is a lovely friendly person and I'm happy to be her friend. They are renting and want to buy their own house some time, but if and when that happens I hope we will still be friends.

Apart from the fear by relatives that a younger person befriending an older may have financial motives there is the worry that the younger may be guilted into being a carer. Every so often there are threads on Mumsnet by someone who became friendly with an older neighbour and found themselves being sucked into an unofficial PA or carer role.

This happened to me when I first came to live in this area and its so easy to get sucked in. You do a kindness for someone - in my case helping them with a benefit form. Then they ask you to make phone calls, go to the post office, do bits of shopping. In the meantime you have a full time job and your own busy life. There comes a time when you have to assert your boundaries. This is why I now have minimal contact with neighbours. because its difficult to avoid them. With a physical distance you can always manufacture an excuse.

My closest friend was old enough to be Mum. She had no family but I knew exactly where she was leaving her considerable wealth and it wasn’t to me! 😂 Her friends, one in particular, was very suspicious of me and bordering on nasty. Be prepared OP!

Im 58 and my closest friend is 38. Nothing odd in seeking out older women for friendship and support.

I am retired now but when I was working one of my roles was to interview, employ, train and nurture the apprentices. It was a role I loved. One particular young woman was interviewed and taken on, she was like a sponge soaking up all the information, learning her job and bringing new ideas to the team during team meetings. This particular young women was offered and accepted a role within the company, she thanked me for all her training and she said that I was just like her mum, looking out for her, she said, “yes you are my work mum” many years later she still sends me a mothers day card every year and we meet for lunch or shopping or an evening meal. There are 30 years between us and yet it has become a very precious friendship between us. I met her mum, she has met my husband and daughters and recently visited to meet a new great grandchild of mine. We can chat about anything and everything and recently she supported me through a very difficult time.

I have friends of a wide range of ages. Since I retired though I mostly socialise with other retired people, but that's only because we are free during the daytime as younger people are working. Many of the people I see regularly are those with similar interests as I go to a number of craft groups but there are a few younger people who come. It mostly comes down to having interests in common. If you are doing something you enjoy with like-minded people, age really is just a number!

When I was younger and first joined a Rambler’s walking group an older lady befriended me. It was intentional on her part because we shared a common interest and she wanted to pass on all her knowledge. That worked very well until she died. On more than one occasion I had to assist her as she got older. Which I did gladly as we had a good rapport. So I think it is the shared interests which are important. No the age.

I would happily befriend you and help with your family!
Do it if you can

I’m 62 and my best friend is 81. We first met at work and stayed in touch. She’s almost as old as my late mum would have been but I never see her as a mother type figure, just a friend.

I don't think age matters, although naturally we have more in common with our own generation. One of my best friends ever was 21 years older than me, and for a while I had a really interesting friend who was 20 years younger. We had a massive falling out, sadly.

Age should not matter, you will find people come in and out of your life and some you just connect with and get on. I. I think it's good however to mix with people of all ages. I wouldn't think it at all odd to get on with someone much younger than me, Have you an interest that sound enable to mix with people of varying ages? That would be a good start.
Can quite understand how you feel, sending you a ((hug)).

I am 68 my youngest friend is 16. Most of my friends are 50-94. I like having a mixed age range . My youngest friend starts college next month . I like mixing with all ages and sexes . My best friend we have been friends 50 years have another friend we meet when we were 10 .
If someone wants to be my friend what they see is what they get. I am just me but because of disability my life runs by planning and routine has done since I worked out how to cope with life at junior school. Anyone who does what to be my friend I do tell them how my life works and then they can decided if I am worth being friends with me.

I did end a 5 year friendship 3 years ago . I had explained how my life works. She said she understood. She let me down told if she does it again we are done . She did so I told her our friendship is over.

I am a loyal friend who cares and help my friends in anyway I can. I am down to earth and if you ask my opinion about something I always ask do you really as I speak my mind . I never lie simple fact I don't remember. But I am lucky have wonderful friends who take me as I am .

A lot of my friends are older than me. It never occurred to me that some people might see me as trying to get into their will or exploit them. It's a friendship just the same as I'd have with anyone my age or younger. We have something in common and enjoy the conversation. That's all it is.

Boundaries are for land not relationships. My closest friends were twice my age and the opposite sex I adored them. I trusted them with my life and never questioned our friendship.
Everyone is an individual age is just a number you click with some people with some you don't. Your gut feeling is what matters follow it for the friends you want.

I agree with other posters about relatives being suspicious of a younger person (or person of any age) who suddenly befriends their older relative - particularly when they themselves have neglected said relative. There is probably a sense of guilt in the mix. Unexpected situations can arise.

It is probably best to allow friendships to develop organically from a mutual interest.

During the lockdown I arranged (via a local charity) to chat to several housebound people and got very close to one lady. (We never met or knew one another's addresses - that was part of the rules). We had many interests in common and I used to look forward to talking to her. One morning when I called at the regular time it was answered by a woman who claimed to be her daughter. She was quite rude and inferred that I was harassing her mother. She told me not to call again and would not allow me to speak to my friend to confirm her wishes.. I reported this to the charity who sent round a visitor. The matter ended up with social services. I don't know any details but I suspect there may have been some safeguarding issue. I never got to speak to the lady again although the charity told me she was "safe".

I agree with Lathyrus3 about running a mile when anyone says "I want to be your friend".

Some years ago when I was renting my LL asked me "wouldn't you like a lady friend" hinting that she wanted to be it. I quickly said that ours was a business relationship and I preferred to keep it that way so as not to complicate matters. In fact I was doing things I didn't wish her to know about (nothing illegal) and didn't want to risk a situation where she turned up without notice.

Looking back when I was a mature student at uni I invited a couple of younger students round for a meal and they both backed off sharpish. I probably came over as too "looking for a friend" and they didn't want to get involved with someone the same age as their mum. Understandable.