Should we downsize to help our adult children out?

If you make gifts there can be tax implications, the seven year rule, for example and also, should you later need care, any money given away can be seen as deliberate deprivation of assets and clawed back from the recipient to fund the care. Check your tax position before deciding on anything. Also, moving house is in itself expensive, stamp duty etc, and do you really want to?

Dear Daddima,
I agree that most of us had it tough when we started out but we got there in the end. No one knows what the future holds for any of us.
Many of us on here live in expensive areas and selling is not cheap. If you live near facilities Go hospital etc that's a blessing too as we all have bits rusty ! 🤔

No, do not, 63 still young, bet your son has lots of fancy gizmos and a car , it's how he chooses to spend his money

I would be very wary of giving something to two of the children because they need it, but not to the one you think does not. Fair shares or nothing would be my advice.

As to whether you should do it at all ..... if it would make you happy and you can do it without detriment to you (area, facilities, friends etc.) then it sounds good.

I often look at my lovely new build home and think what my DDs could do with its value in cash. ..... they are having to wait for me to die, or for it all to be eaten up with care costs.

I would love to be able to help them. It is a 3 bed semi, so not big at all. I could not cope with negotiating
another house move - getting here was a nightmare! - you would need to factor in the whole house buying/selling stress.

Our children are doing now what we did when we were their age - there's no unfairness in that, it's normal life. Once they've left home and made their own lives, you don't have to keep popping your head round the nursery door to make sure they're not killing themselves. I'd say just let them live their own lives and offer money only if you have it and they ask.

Gran22boys

Do it while you’re alive and you’ll see the pleasure it brings. We did.

Completely agree.

Pls stay put. Consider this: they may NEED money later on. Right now, it's a want. (PS: I speculate they'd object to this idea, anyway. Down-sizing for you is one thing, but for them? No.)

" I love my house"
Stay where you are and enjoy your house. You are relatively young with many years pleasure left there.

I was a quarter share owner in a lovely house in Devon and gave the proceeds of the sale ( ie my quarter) to my family in order to move into a bungalow they found for me near their home. My idea was that it would be something solid for my GD for the future. I now regret not keeping even a little something back for myself as I am now struggling to make ends meet.

Possibly too much information, sorry. Just look after yourself and enjoy the property you worked hard to own.

You must treat the three of them equally. Did your parents downsize for you? don't do it if your are not 100% happy about it. If you do
then regret it then you re stumped.

You are kind but Stay where you are! 💐
Experience!

Definitely stay where you are you are so young!!!! Who knows what the future holds you may need to downsize for your own needs.

Very good advice here! Do not move. Other solutions can be found, this isn’t the best. You are very kind and they are not asking.

I would have been horrified if my parents had done this for me.

It's one thing being gifted "surplus cash" or being leant some money and quite another having them do this just for you.

I would have felt the implication was that I was not adult enough to cope and couldn't manage without assistance - so would not have taken well to it.
If you DO decide to do it please talk to them first and see what they say.

I know it would make me feel forever guilty if I found out afterwards and had to live with this level of help.

I already knew that my parents would have given me their last penny (and willingly) as I was loved so very dearly. It would break my heart to think they had moved house because of me.

I know you love them and it is a kind and selfless thing you are considering.

Please think of it also from their point of view.

No, not for your children.

However, you could think of home proofing for your future and that could mean deciding to live in a bungalow (you won’t get bungalow legs, I have live in flats for the last 50 years) but in the same area, which would be the same price as your home. Very good for your future but not for your children if, they are expecting you to give your money to them.

PS I would not buy leasehold.

I was left some money over 20 years ago with which I was able to buy my council house, just a mid terrace three bedroom but fine for me..
Back then I was able to give my older children enough money to get on the property ladder which they did, however my youngest son had been living with me All his life and his girlfriend has been living here for about eight years
Last year, I decided to take equity out of the house and give to them so they could have a good deposit. My son is 32 coming up 33.
I discussed it with the other two and they were fine about it. I’ve explained that if there’s nothing left when I die, they have all had the finances to be able to get on the property ladder.
I know this isn’t for everybody, but it suits me just fine. I can live here till I die and there will be no Care costs involved for me. I can assure you of that…

mokryna

No, not for your children.

However, you could think of home proofing for your future and that could mean deciding to live in a bungalow (you won’t get bungalow legs, I have live in flats for the last 50 years) but in the same area, which would be the same price as your home. Very good for your future but not for your children if, they are expecting you to give your money to them.

PS I would not buy leasehold.

I think this is excellent advice. Do it for yourself first.

Unless you have very, very large savings - enough to maintain the house for many years - I would gently consider selling and moving to somewhere easier to live in your later years.
I am 68 and wish I had done this when I was your age. Things can change quickly in your 60s.
Think what you want, where you want to live. Be inventive! Dream! It can be a new, liberating start for you.
Take your time to really think about it, then make a list and take the first step!

And maybe you can help your children along the way - just a little.

I think it's a lovely idea but I also think you should stay where you are and enjoy your garden

You should be able to leave your children up to £1 million when both yourself and husband dies anything over that is subject to 40pc tax I believe, even in this climate and who knows what is going to happen that is a decent sum. The unfortuante situation is if one or both of you go in a home you probably wouldn't have much left to leave them as your home may have to be sold. I don't think it hurts to look ahead and analyse is it a property which is easy to maintain etc. I remember reading years ago and it said downsize and be in your forever home at 60, invest wisely and enjoy your life. It is a headache selling & moving house today. Go and get financial advice.

No, no and No! Until it excites you don't do it. You could end up feeling resentment, loneliness, hating where you have moved to and with the experience of five moves, absolutely nothing (and I mean nothing) fits in your new house like it did in your old familiar one. Everything is geared up to flow with you now......your new house may not be like that. Yes, there are many pluses and minuses but until you are in the right frame of mind/headset I would advise against it. Or sit down and write what you think would be plusses and minuses. Which is more? I don't know if you have retired yet, but that also brings about a big change in life and you may not want to be in unfamiliar surroundings when the time comes.

We could downsize but would mean a flat. The one opposite our house have council tax of approx £3200 and maintence charge of approx £2800 ie at least £6000 a year. Our council tax is £4200. It would cost £1800 more a year and leaseholder can ( almost) charge what they want. Steer clear of leasehold properties.

Allsorts

You would probably have to move area. The national average for a semi is about 400k.
If you are not able to get a place in the area you are in and you I would stay put. However if there is a cheaper alternative in a place you have all the amenities in I would soendcsone yime there and if it was good I would move. Makes things easier later on. I should have moved years ago, but with a diffucult build next door think I left it too late.

Really?? 240,000 in my area

I think too that you should put yourselves first. I understand you wish to be kind; but you are looking at your ACs wants and preferences, not their needs.
You don't ever know what you may have to cope with as a family in future - any of you could become ill, suffer as a result of an accident, redundancy, a death, divorce or separation. It is at those times that adult children may need financial support.
If we survive into old age, and are married or have a partner, one of us may at some point have caring responsibilities or be living on their own following bereavement.There will eventually be a need to pay for outside help and/ or care. And if you stay in the home you love,near facilities as well as friends and neighbours you know, it may be sensible to keep enough funds to make alterations to your property to meet changing needs.

To move into what I would like and where I would like would cost me more that what my 4 bed detached house would raise. Plus all the moving expenses and government taxes make it a non starter for me. If you find an ideal location and a property you like well, why not though you are still quite young but your objective is to gift money to you family. Sure you will have explored all the HMRc implications.

albertina

" I love my house"
Stay where you are and enjoy your house. You are relatively young with many years pleasure left there.

I was a quarter share owner in a lovely house in Devon and gave the proceeds of the sale ( ie my quarter) to my family in order to move into a bungalow they found for me near their home. My idea was that it would be something solid for my GD for the future. I now regret not keeping even a little something back for myself as I am now struggling to make ends meet.

Possibly too much information, sorry. Just look after yourself and enjoy the property you worked hard to own.

I know you probably wouldn't want to do it but if you explained that you were struggling a bit would your family help you and give some of the money back?

Shinamae

I was left some money over 20 years ago with which I was able to buy my council house, just a mid terrace three bedroom but fine for me..
Back then I was able to give my older children enough money to get on the property ladder which they did, however my youngest son had been living with me All his life and his girlfriend has been living here for about eight years
Last year, I decided to take equity out of the house and give to them so they could have a good deposit. My son is 32 coming up 33.
I discussed it with the other two and they were fine about it. I’ve explained that if there’s nothing left when I die, they have all had the finances to be able to get on the property ladder.
I know this isn’t for everybody, but it suits me just fine. I can live here till I die and there will be no Care costs involved for me. I can assure you of that…

I gave money to my youngest, as I had it in the bank, but it is treated as an advance on the inheritance. This was signed into the agreement, will and into the money that went into their house, I couldn’t afford to give her older sisters the same, fortunately they are settled but when the money is divided this money, with uptodate revaluing will be taken into account.