Dilemma

I wouldn’t have given him the ring, I too think there is something not quite right. I might have given the ring to my son had he have been proposing to a long term partner.

My grandmother gave me a ring on my 21st birthday that she had inherited, I may give it to my only granddaughter on hers if I’m still alive, if not in my will.

Get it back.

NotSpaghetti

Why is everyone assuming the very worst?
Let's not assume we can see into someone else's heart and soul here!

Give him a chance.
He may have asked her and she may have said "ask me again in six months"....

Not unheard of by the way.

You're right - we don't know what's going on between the couple, it's possible he's still holding on to it in good faith and that, for whatever reason, he hasn't yet proposed.

But - I cannot imagine any man that I know not understanding that a ring, handed down to DD's mother by her mother, is a precious keepsake. He could have asked the OP to hang on to it for that very reason until he was ready to ask DD to marry him.

That he didn't doesn't in itself make the man 'dodgy', but it does show a degree of thoughtlessness.

Sounds decidedly odd.
Good luck OP now you’ve made your decision. Do come back and let us know how it goes. I’m sure we’re all interested to hear how this pans out.

NotSpaghetti

Why is everyone assuming the very worst?
Let's not assume we can see into someone else's heart and soul here!

Give him a chance.
He may have asked her and she may have said "ask me again in six months"....

Not unheard of by the way.

He does sound like a cheapskate.
If it was his Grandmother's ring that would be understandable but to ask for an engagement ring that belonged to his girlfriend's Grandmother sounds strange.
That would be something a mother might pass on to a daughter or granddaughter.

Fair enough if YOU had known your daughter would be hoping to wear her grandmother’s ring. Otherwise. this chap simply sounds as if he didn’t want to pay for one himself. Not nice.

I do hope you can recover it from him without a string of excuses, sulks or tantrums.

Ask him what is going on (nicely) and just say you'd rather have it back until the time is right.

Why is everyone assuming the very worst?
Let's not assume we can see into someone else's heart and soul here!

Give him a chance.
He may have asked her and she may have said "ask me again in six months"....

Not unheard of by the way.

How dare he ask for your mother's ring!!! Even if it is supposedly for your daughter !?
Very pleased you are going to ask for it back. I sincerely hope he still has it ??
If he has has not got it I suggest you tell your daughter what has happened- then leave the rest to her - hopefully she will dump him !!
If this turns out badly your daughter has had a very lucky escape!! Good luck.

Sorry for typos !

akinnear44

Thanks everyone who has commented. Your comments have given me the courage to ask for the ring back.

Good. he asked for it under false pretences if he hasn't proposed yet.Get it back by whatever means you need to use. i thought that was a god idea up thread to say you need to reinsure it or something or you need to photograph it. I HOPE he can produce it, have you thought how you will proceed if he can't ?

Thanks everyone who has commented. Your comments have given me the courage to ask for the ring back.

I would have given it to him in good faith.
But would have assumed she had spoken of it beforehand with him.

If it has been so long I'd ask for it back for sure.
Has something gone on in the family (or his) that makes a proposal awkward- eg death or sickness?

Definitely ask for it back!
I'd want to give a time limit. For example;"I'd like it back by Friday, please'.

Maybe the OP’s daughter had expressed a wish to wear her grandmother’s ring as her own engagement ring. Otherwise as others have said how would he have known about it.

The non-proposal after six months is odder. Sounds as though things have been a bit rocky between the daughter and the partner leaving the OP in an awkward position. He could just have put it out of his mind. On this basis I’d first enquire whether he has it safe somewhere, and if the answer is unsatisfactory ask more directly to have it back.

Calendargirl

Trying to picture our SIL asking to use my mother’s engagement ring to propose to our daughter?

Bit different if it had been his family’s ring.

How odd!

And no, I wouldn’t have given him it.

Yes it is odd and I wouldn't have given it to him either.
I agree with Two RedRoses.... "Get it back... Cheeky Bugger"

Tell him it’s on your house insurance, up for renewal, the insurers want to revalue it before covering it…or similar.
Matter of fact
With a deadline….in say 5 days.
Go silent, say nothing more.
Watch his facial expressions….

Shinamae

I would definitely ask for the ring back..

Do you have a photograph of this ring or documentation that it was given to you by your mother ?

I would speak to your lawyer about how to approach this. Complicated as you require proof that this ring is your´s.

Does partner mean long-term committed ie home together partner?
Or just some fellow your daughter has met fairly recently who seems charming?

I would ask what is happening on that front and if he hasn't got a set date, e.g Christmas/ New Years eve I would ask him to return it tbh.I also feel he was being cheeky and a bit of a tight wad, asking you for it.

Definitely ask for your ring back without further delay. It sounds rather suspicious to me.

Ask for it back although my gut instinct is that he no longer has it. I sincerely hope I'm wrong. Certainly refuse any other requests as well

Ask him for your ring back.

Ask him if he has changed his mind or what is hoing on? And axk for the ring back?

We made the decision to marry together. We didn't have a ring.
We went together to choose one, later