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Relationship with adult child changed

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ClicketyClick Sun 19-Jul-26 19:34:06

I had a very strict, abusive childhood devoid of affection so I was determined that my DC had the opposite childhood and I thought I did a decent enough job . As children they were all huggers but one DD has changed in the last few years. I can't remember the last time she gave me a hug. I don't expect or want her to fawn all over me but I don't think it's too much to expect an occasional hug. She doesn't offer a hug or kiss even on Mothering Sundays unless I instigate it. There's been no fall outs between us to explain the change. I've asked why but it's been brushed off with no proper reason given. So it hurts when I see her literally running to siblings to hug them while I stand there watching. It's the same with photos - takes photos with everyone except with me. I'm begining to think that she must be ashamed of me for some reason. Has anyone else got a child like this that seems to be distancing themselves from you? Sorry for the rant but feel a bit better for just having wrote it.

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Luckygirl3 Sun 19-Jul-26 19:36:25

Maybe better not to ask. It makes it harder for her to backtrack should she wish to at some point. I am sorry about this - it must be very upsetting.

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Norah Sun 19-Jul-26 19:50:50

I'd not ask again, leave it be and wait.

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Fallingstar Sun 19-Jul-26 20:06:19

So sorry, I can imagine how this hurts but you can’t really do much about it imho. However, occasionally when is your birthday or Mother’s Day would turn to her and say ‘I could really do with a hug right now.’ But would leave it at that. In time she might change her attitude with regard to this 🙏🏾💐💐

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Doodledog Sun 19-Jul-26 20:10:23

You say you tried to compensate for the lack of affection in your childhood. Is there a possibility that you haven't respected your daughter's boundaries? Not everyone wants to be touched or hugged a lot, and sometimes it can feel more invasive if the person doing it 'oversteps' by assuming that because she's your mum she has a right to do it, if that makes sense?

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Smileless2012 Sun 19-Jul-26 20:11:53

I understand that this is upsetting but Luckygirl and Norah are right because as hard as it is, it's better to say nothing.

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Smileless2012 Sun 19-Jul-26 20:12:57

That's a good point Doodledog.

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V3ra Sun 19-Jul-26 20:21:20

You say one daughter, and mention her siblings, so presumably you have other children? Are they affectionate towards you? If so try and focus on what you do have, rather than what you feel you don't.
That may take the pressure off the situation for both of you.

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Cossy Sun 19-Jul-26 21:09:37

Yes! Our elder DD. In her childhood and early teens she was extremely affectionate. After Uni and four years of living away from us, she was quite withdrawn. She was then diagnosed in her early twenties with both autism and ADHD. She’s now married and not publicly affectionate with her wife. The only “people” she’s outwardly and publicly affectionate with are her three mini sausage dogs.

Please don’t take it personally, my DD is 28 and I’ve had one hug in 8 years!

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Cossy Sun 19-Jul-26 21:11:06

V3ra

You say one daughter, and mention her siblings, so presumably you have other children? Are they affectionate towards you? If so try and focus on what you do have, rather than what you feel you don't.
That may take the pressure off the situation for both of you.

I couldn’t agree more! Both my sons and younger daughter still give hugs flowers

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