A couple of weeks ago my husband's best friend's son died. The loss was sudden and unexpected - he was only 27, but it seems he had a heart problem. I can see parallels in the way the dad is processing grief to the way I was when I lost my daughter, also suddenly and unexpectedly (aged 12 - car crash).
People say you are 'strong' because you 'function' - as if getting on with the day is remarkable. Like me, the dad delivered a eulogy at his child's funeral. People commented on how amazing he was to do that - oh my goodness, I understand - you feel compelled to do it as it is the very last thing you can do for your child. Also in my hearing people made comments like 'He has been so strong ... now the funeral is out of the way he can get on with life again.'
I wish more people would realise that the funeral is often the start of the true grieving process, not the close if it. I wish people would realise that it isn't a case of 'being strong' - this phrase seems to disallow being able to crumble, which we all need to do at some point. I wish people would realise that it actually gets harder for some time after the funeral, not easier.
When loss is sudden and unexpected we are actually thrown into a state of shock that means everything seems to take place in a bubble for a while. Being strong really doesn't come into it, but I do hope this dad does not feel under pressure to continue to 'be strong' and that instead he can go gently where he needs to. I think there is even more pressure on men to somehow be strong than women and this reslly can get in the way of grieving.
Imperfect27 Fri 29-Jan-16 07:42:12
Anya Fri 29-Jan-16 07:57:20
baubles Fri 29-Jan-16 07:57:37
mollie Fri 29-Jan-16 08:19:36
jinglbellsfrocks Fri 29-Jan-16 09:50:51
jinglbellsfrocks Fri 29-Jan-16 09:52:04
petallus Fri 29-Jan-16 10:48:56
phoenix Fri 29-Jan-16 11:11:03
M0nica Fri 29-Jan-16 11:14:55
phoenix Fri 29-Jan-16 11:21:46
mollie Fri 29-Jan-16 12:26:37
Imperfect27 Fri 29-Jan-16 13:50:26
loopylou Fri 29-Jan-16 14:20:41
M0nica Fri 29-Jan-16 15:56:45
Anya Fri 29-Jan-16 16:42:29
Imperfect27 Fri 29-Jan-16 16:46:22
mollie Fri 29-Jan-16 16:46:42
Anya Fri 29-Jan-16 16:55:39
M0nica Fri 29-Jan-16 18:08:10
Imperfect27 Fri 29-Jan-16 18:21:05
Judthepud2 Fri 29-Jan-16 18:50:34
downtoearth Fri 29-Jan-16 19:33:05