Death of sister

The one thing this thread has done more than anything else is show just how close the relationship between adult siblings, especially ones of the same gender, is and how deep the grief and enduring sense of loss is, when that sibling dies.

When my DS died, in her 40s, my parents were still alive and everything was concentrated on how the deep the loss was for them, and I would do nothing to diminish the sense of loss parents feel at the loss of a child but I almost felt that outside the very close family the grief of myself and surviving sister at the loss was discounted.

Nothing was said, but there was a feeling that it was easier for us, we had 'only' lost a sister, we still had each other, that we were adults and were each ploughing our separate ways through life so the childhood bond (and don't sisters fight and see each other as rivals?) must have loosened so that we were less close than we might have been.

I was married with children, so it seemed to be felt that the fact that I had my own family meant I would be less affected by the loss of a sister.

This thread has shown just how untrue those assumptions, implicit rather than thought are. No matter how old we are, how our lives may have diverged, how we may now have families of our own, as may our sisters. the bond of sisters is very close, crafted in childhood and for most remaining so for the rest of our lives.

Our grief may be different to the grief we have for a parent, spouse our child, but it is as deep. But it is there and remains with us.

Thank you FionaC for starting this thread and revealing the sisterhood that links those of us who mourn, and will forever mourn, the death of a dearly beloved sister.

My sister died 6 years ago at the age of 49 leaving two teenagers. It was a truly terrible time for everyone. Being around for the children helped me, and we are very close. The only thing I would say is that this loss can be reactivated in times of extreme stress which happened to me. Be prepared and don't feel this means you haven't coped with the loss. It's normal. Best wishes.

I'm very sorry Fiona. I lost one sister aged 65 from breast cancer almost 9 years ago and then my other sister aged almost 75 from a brain tumour 5 years ago. I was devastated both times and like Gagagran I got very angry as both my parents had already died. I still get angry at times as I have now lost all of my aunts and uncles too, but thankfully I have my two loving married children and two adorable grandchildren. Also I now have two roses in my garden named after my sisters. Time does help but I still miss them very much.

Oh, Fiona, I am so very sorry. Very, very painful, very tough for you. I'm sending you some virtual flowers. Be gentle with yourself. Grieving is very tiring. I highly recommend massage, counselling, reiki, pampering. And writing a letter to sister might help.
love and hugs to you.

No one can feel your pain or know how you feel. Your grief on the loss of your sister will seem overwhelming. In the next few weeks and months will be hard and you will go through the whole gamut of emotions. But you will find your way through it even if in these early days you can only think about the next 5 minutes /half hour - but that's ok. Eventually you will learn to carry on - but in a different way.

My condolences, Fiona. I have recently lost a dearly loved cousin. My life is diminished but it was a privilege to have had him in my life for so long. ?

Deep sympathy to you. Something very hard about losing a sibling. Take good care of yourself in your grief. Concentrate on basics like eating good food when you feel you can, and trying to get adequate rest. Grief is exhausting.

I know exactly how you are feeling, Fiona, having lost two sisters myself. We were once four girls and now we are two. Time helps a little but you have to make sure you grieve for as long as it takes. My thoughts are with you.

Oh my darling, your pain must be indescribable. I am so sorry. As others have so eloquently written (and I wont even try to), you will learn to live with your loss...very gradually....over time.

In the meantime, all that any of us can do is offer lots of sincere love, hugs and prayers for you at this terribly sad time in your life.xxxxx

So sorry to hear of your loss You must think of all the great times you had together, places you went and maybe pay a visit later and leave a memento there to remember her - make a cd of all her favourite music it may be hard at present but this will in time bring you closer together and feel she is still with you and enjoying those precious moments.
I do not have a sister but I have a sister in law that I would miss if she was not around - she is younger than me though by quite a number of years so I will make the most of the great times we have together when we get the chance. Thinking of you with kind wishes XX

I can only imagine how you feel Fiona and send my condolences.

So sad for you sisters share a close bond they take a piece of your heart.

I am sitting here waiting for news from my sister as our mum is in hospital and your sad news made me cry. Take care and remember the good times I lost my brother he was only37 and I still miss him especially at Christmas and family gatherings . It will get easier as time passes my love and condolences go out to you.x

Losing anyone dear to you is heartbreaking. I lost a dear friend in October 2014 , she was taken ill, hospitalised and died within three weeks. Id known her for thirty years . We were both divorced Mums when we met so supported each other with our children . Over the years we took holidays together, outings, cinema, theatre , shared politics, a love of books and art. I was retiring completely and leaving my part time job. We had loads of plans. Ive been totally devasted by her death and have found life very lonely and sad. My kids have been very supportive but its going to take time. She was the first person I told good news to and the one I turned to when it was bad news.

Very sad to hear of your loss, Fiona. As people have said, there will come a point when the good memories outweigh the bad, but it takes time. At this point, just let yourself grieve and don't worry too much about putting on a brave face. People will understand.

I hope you have plenty of support to help you through this very difficult time. In my experience, people who have been bereaved often need to talk about their loss. Try to find some good listeners, whether they are family, friends, neighbours, church people or even online acquaintances, and just let it out.

So sorry for the loss of your sister, I don't have a sister but I remember how sad my mum was when her sister died. Take special care of yourself [flowers}

First of all Fiona, I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your dear sister. Can I say how lucky you are to have had a sister to whom you are so close and all the memories that go with the special relationship. As an only child I will never have that lovely bond that sisters often have. Her passing will leave a big hole but nobody can take away your lovely memories.

So sorry for your loss

Condolences. You have been lucky to have had a sister, one whom you had a strong bond and happy friendship with. Much as you regret the loss of her life. Good memories is what you have :- They are a precious Treasure.

She lived, and lives on in your memories.

Life goes on, though it will be different. Be kind to yourself. Be patient.

I too recently lost someone who was important in my life. As I have experienced Bereavement before I know it can be different each time. On this occasion I knew I would loose this friend, as she was terminal with cancer. I very much appreciate her having been part of my life. I feel for her family, as she was a Wonderful Mother and much Loved. It will take time for us all to adjust to her not being there for us. Though I feel in Spirit she always will be, through our happy memories of good times spent wit her. We are the Better for having known her.

Best Wishes.

Fiona - I was so sorry to read your post ? I hope that, in time, your precious memories will give you comfort - your sister will never be gone from your heart. All good wishes to you ?

Fiona - so sorry to hear about your loss. I think that the death of a sibling hits us especially hard because they're the people we shared our formative years with; the people who really know us and we can be ourselves with.

I'm from a large family and so I have lots of brothers and sisters, but my older sister is the only one who shared the trauma of our early years with me and will talk about it. She has pancreatic cancer and I've yet to find out what stage it's at, but fear it's very bad, so your post touched a tender chord with me.

Deepest sympathy Fiona?
I was moved to tears by your sad news. It would break my heart to lose my DS-nearly did a few years ago to breast cancer but she's still here and doing well. We are close in age and still squabble like we have all our lives but life without her would be very hard.
I feel so sorry for you-look after yourself.

So sorry for your loss Fiona. Siblings are very special, all those shared memories. My own adored brother is slipping to dementia, it is very hard.

Sorry to hear about your sister. ?

Sorry for your loss Fiona. Siblings are special. My only sibling my beloved brother died aged 65 in 2010. I miss him everyday, although we did not live near, he was always there for me. I too talk about him at every opportunity it keeps his memory alive.