Bereavement

Pam my heart goes out to you .
You are with friends on here and it gives comfort in just knowing you can say what you feel and someone is always ready to give that warm response
GC are a blessing in so many ways they bring so much love and happiness that you do want to make the effort to get out of bed and face the day ahead.

Sending you warmest hugs Pam

Thank you bikergran. It's good to be able to talk. My family have enough to deal with without having to cope with my grief.

Lovely photo Pam

Welcome to any new Gnetters.........Such painful times for so many....hope that Gransnet will give you all a place to talk, express your feelings without holding back.

The saying "Oh the first 12 months is the worst" wrong! it doesn't suddenly dissapear after 12 months.' I once read
"Grief has no sell by date"

keep posting, keep talking and take care all.

Such happy memories. DH was so proud of her

Those children will be so good for you Pam, we all need reasons to keep going and GC are the best, they bring such joy into our lives.

Thank you Annsixty. My husband was so happy that he got to meet his first grandchild, our son's daughter. He fulfilled his dream of a family holiday with her in Wales 2 weeks before he died. My daughter and her partner live with me so I will be very involved. My son and his family live on the same Avenue so I see them every day. They are all so important in trying to keep going.

So sad for you Pam and how distressing to have to wait so long to hold his funeral. it is happy news about your grandchild but bittersweet as he/she will not know his/her GF but you will get such pleasure so hold on to that thought.

My wonderful husband died suddenly on 28 September at 51. We were married for almost 30 years. It has been such a shock as although he had heart failure he had been stable with his meds. The funeral was only last Thursday because it went to a post mortem. I just feel lost without him. I am so used to having to look after him, sorting out meds etc and juggling everything with work. I've been working as a temp at the same company since May last year and been fortunate that they have kept my contract open but I am dreading going back.
My daughter also found out the week before her Dad's funeral that she is having a baby. That is happy news but sad that he won't be here.

?Vivab and Jeltel? Life has dealt you both a heavy blow. It is amazing what the human constitution can deal with so hold in there. Meanwhile, I am sending you virtual hugs.

I remember that song well it was sung by Skeeter Davis and how poignant those lyrics!

To all who have lost a loved one ?Be kind to yourselves x

I can well understand how you all must have felt as I did also when my one and only passed away two years ago, after 45 years together.
One just has to think of the family and life goes on, but today I have been listening to that wonderful song,first sang by Keeker Davis in 1963 called, 'End of the World', does anyone else remember it as it was also sung by Karen Carpenter later?

jeltel I have pm'd you with contact details.

You will probably find one on this map, www.thewi.org.uk/wis-a-z jeltel

Don't know if you recd my mess so am sending again, thank u I would like for u to find the nearest WI to me on the Isle of Wight
Await to hear

You are both so welcome to join us on GN and I hope you find some comfort here.

Might I suggest you think of trying the WI? It's all women so easier than mixed social gatherings and there are monthly meetings but often other activities taking place through the month. In my own WI we have a darts group, a skittles group, gardening club, craft group, coffee morning club and lunch club. We also have outings periodically. In September we are going on the paddle steamer "Waverley" from Portsmouth to Yarmouth on the Isle of Wight.

Many of our members are widows and one said to me only recently "WI has been a real life saver for me".

Should either of you be interested, if you send me a Private Message giving your location, I can find the nearest WI and their contact details and would be very happy to forward them to you.

Keep strong. Things will gradually ease and you do not have to be lonely and friendless. There are people out there ready to fill the gaps! for you both.

Thank you for your kind comments, it has already helped reading your messages. I have shut myself away and am trying to have the confidence to go out

Vivab & Jeltel so, so sorry to read your posts and good that you can come on here and talk about your loss.

In the words of the Bard "Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak. Whispers the o'erfraught heart and bids it break."

Welcome Vivab and Jeltel
* and sorry to hear about your sad losses.It will take time for you to accept your bereavements, so allow yourself that time, nobody should expect a brave face and if they do, then too bad.Be kind to yourselves.?

People don't truly understand unless they've experienced the extreme pain of loss. You have the added shock of the way his life ended. He's still in your heart though, and that's not very far away.

Be gentle with yourself, but sometimes be a little tough and accept invitations when you'd rather stay home. Take comfort from what the other members are telling you, that in time you will find peace.

Well said* Munica*. There are people are Gransnet jeltel who can help you more than I could but as the previous poster join in here when you feel you can. And treat yourself kindly.

jeltel two months is a very short period after such a bereavement. I expect too that you are worn out mentally and physically by the last months of your DH's illness. In the past the first stage of bereavement was expected to take a year and you draped yourself in black and went no where socially throughout that year. And while the widows weeds are thankfully gone, the recognition that it will take you at least a year to lose the acute grief at his loss seems to also to have been forgotten, but remind yourself of it regularly.

You are already doing really well to be taking yourself out to cafes and going to the gym. Do keep that up. I am not sure time heals, but with time you do get used to having had the loss, although decades after, some small thing will suddenly hurtle you back through time with a sudden reminder of the person you mourn.

You are doing the right thing in joining a bereavement group, indeed you are doing everything any councillor would recommend.

All I can say is welcome to Gransnet, I haven't seen your name before. You are among friends, many of whom have experienced a loss like yours, so keep reading - and posting on this thread and on others that take your fancy.

Have just joined. Not feeling too good as lost my husband 2 months ago on this Wednesday, from cancer. Very hard to get up in the mornings and feeling lost. Am trying on a good day to go out, walking to the cafe and sitting down with a cup of tea but seeing couples enjoying life is so hard. Weekends can also be very long and lonely. Have restarted to going to the gym for 1/2 hr on the treadmill maybe twice a week which is ok, but people don't smile or say hello ! They say baby steps and time is a healer, I truly hope so
Unfortunately family don't understand my grief, they are probably silently suffering but we are unable to talk to one another. They are OK as they have families, sadly I do not have really any friends but I am going to a bereavement coffee morning soon

I lost my brother just before his 40th Birthday through an accidental prescription drug overdose and my GD was stillborn within 3 days about 3 months ago. It was one of the worst weeks of my life to be honest but I know that our lives must go on and the pain will lessen. When I lost my daughter 16 years ago the pain was unbearable until I watched a program where most of the women in a village had lost all the males in their family due to war. Although I still felt sad, it did make me count my blessings in my DH and DC I still had left. It certainly helped me to feel less sorry for myself.