Nearly 18 months Gone to pieces

GreatauntieLinda big hugs &[cupcakes]

Grief can definitely creep up on you without notice. Usually a trigger event will cause a dip in mood and then you start to feel back in the mind frame of terrible sadness.

This link by Cruse has lots of helpful info and support.

www.cruse.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KEQjwiI3HBRDv0q_qhqXZ-N4BEiQAOTiCHnvf_WhIPqWvkLq_4xRMRd8wfoie0pe5XKaWUOTovEwaAqUr8P8HAQ

Nothing to add, just sending warm and positive thoughts and acknowledging that 18 months really isn't very long in the scale of these things xxx

That was such a sad and moving programme, GreatauntieLinda, I'm not surprised it affected you. But Rio is getting on with his life and learning how to look after his young family alone - you're doing well too...

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. I seem to have longer periods of being OK. But as a dear friend said, grief can catch you unawares. I watched the programme about Rio Ferdinand the other night and have been on rock bottom since. But tomorrow I shall pick myself up and go out into the world and get on with life. Well, I'll do my best.

Thank you again everyone. This Forum is a life saver.

A great big (((hug))) GreatauntieLinda My parents and family members have died and I've been grief stricken but my husband of 40+ years has been here to comfort me. The thought of him not being here is unbearable so I can hardly imagine your grief. I have a family member who lost her husband two years ago and she has days like yours. She says they are getting less but out of the blue she'll be hit by another bout of grief that will drowned her. So I think it's normal to feel as you do. He must have been a wonderful man for you to have loved him so. I'm so sorry for your loss and send you sincere condolences. I hope tommorow is a little more bearable.

Hi Linda, sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my wife of 32 years nearly six years ago and I think about her everyday, I believe it shows how much you loved them , it will get better and easier for you , you will have up and down days, all the best and good luck xx

I lost my mum back in may 2016 am missing her like you say Christmas brings it out. My dad bless him is really struggling so it's been a really hard year. We all try to help wherever we can I know I have two grown up children and a grandson who really help but my dad seems so low he is on treatment bit it is so hard.

GreatauntieLinda I know how hard it is. My husband of nearly 30 years died at the end of September. I thought I was holding it together but since New Year I've been struggling. I got upset in work today and my colleague gave me a hug. Some days are better than others.

ost my husband just over 2 years ago. I don't feel I will ever get over it. I wouldn't even want to. You do learn to live your life, but of course will have sad times that overwhelm you as you remember special moments or ordinary moments. My advice would be not to fight your grief but to go with it. I always try to think I'm lucky to have met and had nearly 30 years with my soulmate. The memories are precious. Sending you love

Lost my husband almost two years ago after a short illness and as was said earlier, the first year was kept busy with practicalities of finances, property, etc. The first Xmas particularly difficult. I find it's a great relief when I can be on my own away from family and friends and able cry and not pretend to be strong and just give way to my feelings. It's my bit of self indulgence, then back to the real world

(((Hugs))) and warm wishes for all of you who've lost dear ones, I don't think the sadness of loss ever goes completely because we don't want to forget them completely.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear you're upset. I totally understand I'm the same. My dear husband died very very suddenly, it will be ten years on Saturday but I still have my moments. I feel a tear running down my face and if I think more deeply about what my family and I have lost I can still get very upset. It's just so awful. I feel we will never get used to this new chapter in our lives it's just having to find a way to try to cope with it. This time of the year is difficult. Looking forward to the Springtime, longer daylight and the birds singing seems to ease us into another year. We just have to try to be as positive as we can. My thoughts are with you

Thank you callgirl1 and my best wishes to you too.

Linda, it`s not quite 3 months since my husband of just over 53 years died. We didn`t have the perfect marriage, but we jogged along, and oh boy, do I wish he was still here. I`m not on my own, my eldest daughter, who is disabled, lives with me, and the 4 married children call in regularly, but it`s not the same, is it, however well meaning folk are? I keep thinking I`m doing alright, then suddenly my throat chokes up and I want to cry again, so you are certainly not alone in your feelings. You`ll learn to cope, as I am learning, but it all takes time, and there`ll probably be many setbacks along the way. All the best to you xx

Thank you so much to you all for your kind words. I've stopped crying and now just have a heavy heart. I shall continue to visit the forum and try to learn to live in this empty world. Again thank you.

GreatauntieLinda, my heart goes out to you. I've also been a widow for just over eighteen months so I can empathise with you, although we did have four children and a DGD so that helps. However, I lost my sister two months ago and am having a hard time coming to terms with losing my two best friends so close together.

Like you, I have days when I feel I'm coping pretty well, then, as you say, something will trigger off a memory and the pain you feel is almost physical.

Have you anyone you can call on when you are feeling low? Sometimes just getting out for a coffee with a friend can help lift your mood, but I know it takes a big effort sometimes.

Sending you (((hugs))) and and kind thoughts.

I agree with you there, GrandmaMoira. The first year seems full of stuff that needs seeing too and a bit unreal. The second year is when you realise that this is your life from now on and it is very hard, especially at this time of year. But we do adjust. Just keep breathing Linda. Sometimes that was my biggest achievement.

As a widow of seven years, I appreciate how you must feel. In the early days there is so much to do, it does get worse at your stage as it really sinks in. You will eventually feel better though obviously you can never forget.

The festive season can spark so many emotions because we remember how it was when our loved ones were with us.

Take comfort from the love you shared, which does not go away - it is part of you now and you will over time be able to tap into that with a sense of joy as well as sadness.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

We took a friend out to lunch just before Christmas . He had been widowed eighteen months and he said it was worse now than when it happened so perhaps Linda it's something that happens to many.

Your post is so very sad GreatauntieLinda and my heart breaks for you. I lost my mum in April 2016 so only just 9 months ago. On the outside my dad looks like he's coping okay and he is very lucky to have a small family around him who see him most days to "jog him along" if you understand what I mean, I can't even begin to imagine how anyone must feel being with someone for so long and then for them to be gone in an instant. I still lose sleep thinking about my mums final days, her face still haunts my dreams and I hope one day I will be able to look at a photo of hers smiling. But not yet.

My DH died just over 5 years ago and I still get times when the grief seems just as raw. Someone once said to me that you never get over the loss of a loved one, you just learn to carry it easier.

Like you we didn't have children so it sometimes feels I no longer have anyone who cares about me, obviously this isn't true, I have friends as I am sure you have and my in laws are lovely. Be kind to yourself, I am sure Bob would have wanted you to enjoy your life.

Misadventure no it's not totally different at all, losing a loved one whether it's a mum dad sibling or partner makes no difference to your grief.... Grief is grief
Linda do accept that you will have huge ups and downs you will manage, then there will be days you feel you are losing it this is normal grief the more you have loved the deeper the feelings
Time does help but never takes it away My mum and dad both died 4 years ago I still have break down sobbing moments it is natural accept it and as Ruby says find little ways of comfort to get through
Your grief is the symbol of your love

Actually Linda you made me feel better. I know it is not the same, but since losing my dad, I have hardly allowed myself to feel the grief. It was reassuring to know that in time it will come out and I will feel better bit by bit. Eighteen months is nothing, you had over 40 years together. They do say that if you break up with someone, then you should give it a third of the time you were together to get over them. So how does that work out when you have lost the love of your life? You will never probably get over it, you will just learn to live with it, pain will ease, but memories will stay. You did have each other, you were very lucky.

Maybe do something or go somewhere where you two used to go, if you can and remember the good times. He is there with you. Cuddle his clothes. I watched endless The Chase, because it was what me and my dad watched together. Anything which gives comfort has to be good. Do you have any pets? Maybe think of getting something which needs attention and care. It can be a source of emotional healing. Take care of yourself, eat well and sleep well. Xxx