Local funeral customs.

I can remember as a child spending many a funeral in the kitchen with the women making the sandwiches for the return of the men / as s woman you could go if you were the daughter, sister, wife or mother / otherwise you stayed home and catered. You couldn't go if you were pregnant however close you were - my Mum told of how she missed her fathers service as she was pregnant with my brother.
Throw a flower head from a wreath into the grave - not earth.
A wake after - sandwiches, tea, cake and maybe one sherry, whisky or small beer if the family weren't tea-total. You tip the funeral director with a folded note on being driven to the wake, to buy the undertakers a drink, normally the chief male mourner does this subtly- it fell to my husband at my mothers funeral to perfect the in detectable £50 pass when the car door was opened.

When i was a child, some 70 years ago in Lancashire, on seeing a hearse we would say
Touch your head, touch your nose, never go in one of those
Touch your head, touch your collar
Never swallow
Hold your collar til you see a dog

I unknowingly shocked Xs' family in the N.E.of Scotland when on attending the Funeral of his Cousins baby girl I went along to the Cemetary after the service.
I can still hear the horrified whispers and they are probably still talking about it 30 years on.
X grew up abroad so did not know the traditions and it seemed normal to both of us.

I lived in London in the 1950's.

As a child, if a funeral procession passed by, we all would stop what we were doing (probably collecting car number's by the roadside) and stand still, heads bowed. Men would take their hats off and we'd all hold the edge of our collar (as widgeon3 did in Lancashire) it was supposed to ward off bad luck. Moarners would wear a black cloth wound round their upper arm (mainly men - I think). Like others here, even now I cannot walk past a funeral procession, it would show disrespect.

As a child in the sixties in the SW of Scotland all neighbours would close their curtains in respect. The coffin would be laid out in the front room and neighbours came to visit the deceased. This was changing in the late sixties to the funeral parlor. Women didn't go to the graveside only men but that changed when cremations became the norm. After the funeral all the mourners would go to the co- op hall for steak pie and a drink. As a 14 yr old attending my grams funeral I couldn't understand how people could eat and talk and laugh when we had just buried my gran,I was very angry at everyone test day. Now of course I understand.

My mum would also close the curtains for a neighbourhood funeral ...and the men and boys always removed any hats ....the funeral director would walk in front of the hearse or the horse and it would follow very slowly behind every mourner would walk behind that. Most funerals were followed by burial in the Church yard and then a tea in the Church ,,,,just a cup of tea and maybe a small sandwich with no crusts !

I also live in a small rural village in France, and when someone in the commune dies a little slip of paper appears in our boite de poste from the Mairie with name, address, age and details of the funeral so anyone can attend even if they never knew the person. It is regarded as a totally necessary thing to do ..you are invited afterwards to put a few words into a book for the family to keep

Although not maybe a laughing matter, my ex husband had a spinster auntie who when she retired from Ilford hospital laundry (after previously having been a career barmaid in the East End) found herself quite lonely so she took to going by bus to the local crem and going to any funerals that were happening ......when mourners spoke to her she would nod and say 'oh he was a lovely man' or 'oh she was a lovely woman' If in doubt as to which gender the deceased belonged it was suffice to say 'oh what a lovely person'......she even used to take a flask of tea !

As an ex WRAF, I was instructed that when in uniform you had to salute any funeral procession. I was going home to Birmingham, and waiting to cross the road having just got off the train, when here comes a hearse. I had to put my suitcase and bags on the floor to give a sharp salute. I didn't feel stupid even though I got some strange looks, I hope it is the same today.

Yes, I was in the WRNS and we too saluted any passing hearse if we happened to be in uniform (of course). Just wondering how, in general, GNs think we have progressed in the death procedures practised nowadays?

Attending a friend's Funeral we came out of the Church to watch Hearse & cars leave, Undertaker walked in front of the Hearse until they reached the traffic lights about 50 yards down the road. I was horrified to see cars trying to overtake the Hearse, much less respect now, every-one is so impatient.

My Aunts in Town would draw curtains if a neighbour died. I can remember when people stood still when a Hearse went by.

As I grew up in a small village we didn't have any particular customs, we did however walk behind my DGF's Hearse to the Chapel, I said I would never do that again

I used to be married to a Barbadian and still attend his family's funerals which are real community affairs, practically every Bajan in Oldham attends. The men of the family carry the hearse and then fill in the grave themselves whilst the women sing gospel songs, its very moving.
My daughter is in the police force and whenever she has to attend a sudden death she always opens a window to let the soul out and says a silent prayer for the deceased.

As children we used to stop if we saw a hearse and say touch my collar, touch my knee and thank the Lord it was not me, i still say it now.
Here in S.W Scotland the intimation is posted in windows in the town so people know who has died and when the funeral is. The women of the family through flowers into the grave and the men through a handful of soil. I was really taken aback at my MIL funeral in S.England to be offered soil to through into the grave

I once went to funeral rites in Africa, for someone who'd worked for my DH. It was afternoon and a whole street had been blocked off and tables set. Someone came to our table and asked what we'd like to drink - my DH said a beer - and was brought a crate of them and I somehow ended up with a bottle of whisky. Dancing in the street was obligatory and people slapped paper money on your sticky foreheads if they though you were good enough. The deceased was apparently sitting dressed in a suit in one of the houses in the street & we were taken to see him but I just couldn't bring myself to go in. A very surreal occasion!

I have always stopped and bowed my head as a hearse goes by, as a token of respect to the grieving family, but was never taught that that was the thing to do. My father was buried when I was 15 and I remember asking my mum why the neighbours hadn't opened their curtains. She said it was bad luck if they saw the hearse!

Several years ago I was with a friend visiting his roots in Peckham, S London, when a funeral cortege went through the town centre, complete with black horses, glass hearse and easily a hundred people walking behind. It was quite eerie and put me in mind of images of Haiti, Papa Doc and zombies!

A few things that I remember, here in NE Scotland, have mostly gone by the wayside; all house curtains closed, and also those of the neighbours at the time of the funeral, the close males of the family all wearing black ties from the time of the death until the funeral, the deceased being kept in the home, the constant visitors to the home, whereupon a dram would be offered to the men and maybe a sherry for the ladies,and the many floral tributes.
I, too, dislike the ritual of the 'lineup'. I omitted this at the funerals of my parents, but did welcome those who came to the funeral tea. I am finding that more funerals now are humanist, as opposed to religious.

My daughter is in the police force and whenever she has to attend a sudden death she always opens a window to let the soul out and says a silent prayer for the deceased.

I have a close relative in the police too, Dee, and I was really moved when I heard that this is standard practice.

Violette, this rural French community is way ahead of yours - we get an email from the Maire informing us of a death!!

I don't know if this comes under local customs but last summer I went to a funeral of a lady who played the accordion for a group of lady morris dancers. The Catholic funeral was held in an Anglican church (fine by me) and after the service the ladies lined up directly behind the hearse. The traffic stopped and as the cortege departed the ladies danced behind the hearse for a quarter of a mile to the cemetery. A fitting tribute to their friend.

When we were in a car following the hearse to my father's funeral (in the Borders), I was very touched to see a man lifting his hat as the hearse passed. Of course, most men don't wear hats most of the time now,and so it's a custom which is dying out. Our church here (in the NE of Scotland) is at a crossroads and a hearse must cross the main road through the town to get to the cemetery after a funeral. There always used to be a policeman on duty to stop the traffic and salute as the hearse went slowly across the road, followed by family and friends on foot, but now the traffic is stopped by the undertaker.

Here in Portugal the deceased are usually buried within about 24 hours of death. As soon as the death is known the church bells toll for each year of their life. There is only a delay to the funeral if family have to return from abroad (so many Portuguese have to find work abroad) Most of the village go to the church for the funeral and then follow by foot to the cemetery. After the burial everyone goes on their way. Only the family go back to the house. My PT friends couldnt understand why I had my mother cremated. Cremation is very strange to most of them although there are more cremations here than 9 years ago. Most cremation buildings do not have a chapel attached. We had a memorial service in church when I took my Mums ashes back to England