Photographer at a funeral?

We tend to forget that funerals are for the living, not the dead. Sometimes rifts are healed and new generations attend who have never been met before. I have often wondered why we don't take photos because often it records the last time someone was with other members of the family. True, most of us aren't looking at our best, grief is not pretty, but in these days of scattered families a funeral can be a truly historic event, gathering people who rarely meet, or possibly never have.

The generation of smartphone users photograph everything so we need to get used to it, I guess. The important thing afterwards is to note on the photographs who everyone is. I have been saddened in clearing relatives' houses to find historic photographs with no one left to tell me who they are.

There is no such thing as "the norm" these days, at a funeral/wedding/christening... whatever. It's entirely up to those who organise and fund the event, and so it should be. We're all different. Sorry for your loss.

Personally I would a all cameras from funerals, they are upsetting enough.

At both my parents and both my in-laws funerals we took photos of the flowers.

Many years ago I went to the funeral of a baby. The parents took photos of the coffin before the burial and also when it was placed in the grave. I found it rather strange, but I hope it gave them some comfort.

Not just pictures, words too. I wish I had a recording of my mum's funeral, not least because I spent ages writing my eulogy and then lost my copy. Also you'd get the mini-biography and connections, that go into the 'deleted after one listen' part of my brain.

Phones now make surprisingly good voice recordings, so leaving a phone set on the front pew would pick up enough to keep and send to those who missed the service.

I'm a photographer and my instinct is therefore to photograph everything. So far I've not done so at funerals though I often wish I could, especially in fabulous buildings. I was at a Greek Orthodox funeral last year and the inside of the church is spectacular, though from outside it's just another brick slab. It would have been wrong to have taken pics, though I know how to do it so no-one notices.

I have done flowers, and have done pics at the wake when the worst of it is over. People want those pics. Better to take them so you have them, even if you never look at them again. As Shiny says above, they become more precious with age.

PS Those Victorian photos of dead babies were quite common. Having a photo taken was expensive, so if they had not already done so, they didn't seem to have a problem doing it at the last opportunity. They were usually posed as if asleep. The creepy ones are where the printer has painted in open eyes.

There was a TV programme recently which showed some truly bizarre funeral habits where embalming and dressing up the corpse so it can be part of the wake, is now happening. The glittery lady covered in jewels, G+T glass in hand, at her final party in Vegas, stayed put for days. I would say, only in America, but this habit has been imported, and has now become a (discreet?) competition for embalmers and make-up artists.

I have no particular view on this as long as it's arranged by the family & is discreet. As I'm to be cremated there will only be family flowers & my ashes will be scattered.I believe whatever comforts the family is good

Well done Pamish, so insensitive.

I guess you are of the Digital generation. Snap, snap, snap, surely something will turn out. If not Photoshop!

You have AF AE, camera makes a cup of tea
too to soothe ruffled Ma's in Law.

Social skills you need to upgrade.

My condolences to you, x. Maybe the photographer was there, because somebody couldn't be there, xx

I imagine that one of the reasons it isn't often done is that many of the mourners might be visibly distressed, and it wouldn't be fair to photograph or video them in that state.

I began reading thinking 'No' but am now wishing I had a record of my DM's funeral. I can't clearly recall who was there, what was said in the service and how the flowers looked.
I do have a cassette tape of a dear friend's memorial service. Tributes included aspects of his life I'd never known about.
I agree with those posts which say there is no 'norm'. Whatever helps the family to be content on a sad day.

I've discovered several long lost cousins at recent funerals & I really wished I could take their photos at the wake but didn't but arranged to meet again when possible. No problem with photos of flowers afterwards but I'd find videos taken during a funeral as distracting as I do during wedding ceremonies , especially when several guests as well as the official photigrapher pop out from nowhere to get the best shot at key moments. We seem to have lost the art of mindfulness at such important moments.
24 yrs ago, so pre-digital snapping, I took photos of my daughter after she'd died & it just seemed natural at the time. I suddenly realised others might find it odd so warned the Boots photo people. They were not shocked as they said they did a lot for Caribbean families to send back home, not that mine were for anyone else but me.

I have a photo taken at my DM's funeral of my siblings, my cousins who managed to attend and me. It's just a snapshot not an official photograph.
It was the only time we had been together for years and have never been together since (and never will).

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/201704/medium-146458-image.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/201704/medium-466526-image.jpeg

We see photographs of the funerals of public figures so I can't see any difference in wanting a few photos of a loved one's send-off.

I wanted to take some photos at my sister's funeral but didn't as I felt my brother-in-law might think it inappropriate. However, I have a few poignant (I think) shots of my DS and his friends carrying my DH to his final resting place. I was so proud of them and am glad to have the pictures, which were not taken by a professional photographer.

PS. I am Bellasnana but have had to change my name after a lot of complications with my email address. Most annoying and frustrating

The young people took photos at my dad's funeral. I was a little surprised. I ended up asking them for copies... such a shame funerals are the only time we see some far flung family and friends.

really?? I would have presumed it was a "typo" not worth picking up on to be honest.

sorry..... my message was for Jamilla 1108 who seemed to have picked up on a simple spelling/typing error! on the very first page.

@jollyg,please try reading my post before you insult me.

I thank you.

@Pamish. I'd tend to ignore the strange post from Jollyg. Looks like standard Troll fodder to me. Best left with their own baggage.:-)

I wish a video had been taken at DH's funeral. I don't remember the finer details but do know the eulogy given by a very good friend was lovely. I have a copy of it but would like to actually hear it being delivered again. It would also remind me of who was there. There were over 200 attendees and some disappeared through a different door before I could see them. DD1 didn't want to see her Dad after he had died so DD3 and I took some photos should she regret it in the future. Sounds a bit strange but sometimes I look at them to confirm that he is really dead. I still stupidly occasionally think he'll come wandering back into my life . So, there we are - discussed. I don't find it strange.

My cousin took several photos of his mum`s grave and the flowers, he was the only person at the funeral and was so moved he wanted something to look back on.
We recently took my husband`s ashes to be scattered in the sea off the beach at his favourite place in Scotland. I found out later that one of my grandsons had videoed it on his phone. At first I was unsure over whether to watch it, but am now glad that I have done.

I haven't heard of it but I am sure it could bring a lot of comfort if you feel like it later on. When we are in mourning everything feels unreal and like a blur so it is a good way of recalling the funeral and all the people who loved the departed. At least the photographs are there, even if they are never looked at again. It is too late if they are not captured at the time.

Each to their own. Sometimes you only see relatives at weddings and funerals so it may just be a way of updating your your photographic records of family member.

I really don't see what is wrong with it. If it brings comfort to the bereaved, present or far away. We shouldn't be judgemental about the choices of others.