Silly and soppy sorry

Annie I can understand the stress about your daughter's condition. We've experienced similar problems in our family and there's just no answer. Did you ever join Al-anon?
To save yourself, as far as I know the only way is to try to detach yourself from the problem - easier said than done.
Someone in your daughter's condition can only change if SHE wants to.

I am so moved by so much kindness , every single post and I thank you all, I felt so isolated on Sunday.

if I may say a little more then I will shut up.

My greatest worry is my elder daughter , every day brings fear , never knowing what she will do/say, we were also so very close but this year she has turned so cruel and I am on the receiving end, i don't go out because I am tired of the constant - how is your daughter, and worse - I was talking to your daughter , I dread what she has said. She is now having counselling , PTS caused an abusive childhood , she was adored , her sister is so angry , she told her elder daughter - your granny was a whore. I had one four year relationship.

My fear is who will love her after I die, what will happen to her. my beautiful, loving , caring child who must still be there in that fuddled mind .

I am so sorry to keep on but I am so distressed , seems flood gates have opened sorry

Oh Anniebach - you have touched so many of us with your heartfelt posts. I truly hope you find some peace and acceptance soon.

Whatever any one of us believes, none of us are in your shoes or have lived your life but with your Christian beliefs there will be an answer for you.

Remember what Christ said : "In my Father's house there are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you" I hope that helps and that your faith comforts and supports you.

Dear Anniebach so sorry you are feeling so rotten at present, your health problems have bought the past to the fore, your younger self made the decision about being with your husband so why not stick with that. Take all the help you can get, good wishes

Anniebach

Annie bach, hope you had a good night's sleep and feel better this morning. Do you anything planned for today? Can you get out to the library to look for some easy reading and buy some tasty food from the shops?. Whatever you do , I wish you well.

Anniebach, I like to think it's going to be the same as the ending in "Titanic". As the old lady passed she became a girl again and met her young lover at the top of the staircase under the clock. She fell into his arms and they were reunited for eternity. I believe my mother and father met again in a similar way.

Anniebach I found your message distressing and profoundly sad because I had never thought about the age gap between husband and wife separated in this way. Personally I don't think the age gap matters at all, but you will settle into your own thoughts in time. Thoughts can take hold for no clear reason and you've given lots of examples of how much things around you are changing, so it's not surprising you're unsettled. I'm not particularly religious, but I do agree with those saying our souls are ageless as is love itself.

ps I agree with your view of life after death, Starbird.

Annie don't worry about your old body. After death it's irrelevant, except to show how you've struggled through this bad old world.
And I've been thinking about that last argument you had with your dear husband. My bet is that if he could speak to you now he would say "What argument?" Men forget about these things almost at once, while we brood on them.

No wonder you were down if you are exhausted. Hopefully now with treatment you will gradually build up your strength again. Do you have some good friends from your church or other organisation that you can get together with to get out? On Saturday a friend and I had a nice meal with a mini desert and coffee for under £10 at a nearby Beefeater! They have a mon- sat budget lunch menu.
My view of life after death is that it is only the soul that has eternal life, it is ageless, and retains only your 'good' or higher spiritual qualities since the baser qualities are tied to physical desires - greed, lust, selfishness etc and once you ditch the body they all disappear. Hence those whose lives were centred on physical/material pleasures, will have an 'empty' soul and effectively be dead, whereas for a spiritual person there will be lots of opportunities for the soul (or mind) to continue to develop and discover new things with no tired old body to hold you back - heaven indeed!

God bless you anniebach you posted very supportive words to me a couple of weeks ago and i'm sad such a lovely person as yourself is so low at the moment. We truly never know what's round the corner so fate may have something nice in store for you. And, as so many others have posted, love is forever and i would like to think when our souls are eventually reunited we will both be lovely and in our prime again. My dear late husband said he would wait for me on our special beach in Italy and that's where i'm headed come the day x

As a practical solution would it be more acceptable to you to be cremated and have your ashes buried in the grave with him ?
It's always hard on the one left behind, but I think love is ageless.

Annie, hoping you feel better soon

Dear Anniebach I am so sorry to read of your unhappiness and wonder if the doctor could give you antidepressant tablets, they helped me a lot.
What a lovely thing for your younger daughter to say about The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, a lovely picture, I hope other Gransnetters have seen the picture and know what she is referring to.

It isn't the afterlife which caused me to be upset, it was the thought of my old body being placed next to his young body,now realised after forty years there will be no young body , feel really stupid now.

How kind everyone is.

I have seen a doctor, seems I have physical and mental exhaustion plus ulcer has flared up, fed up of resting Too much time to think .

* anniebach* please see your GP about the eating disorder, don't allow it to go on unchecked.?

Anniebach your post made me weep, I believe in an after life and pray that I will be with my husband again, he died at 50 more than 27 years ago and I hope he will still be in spirit when my time comes. I lost my son last year and I pray I can be with him again. We all live with our joys and sorrows and just have to find a way to cope when we are down. Please see your doctor and be honest about your anxiety and health problems. I send my love to loads of hugs. Hope you feel better soon xx

You obviously believe in the afterlife. If only your soul goes to heaven surely your earthly body will be left behind, you and your husband should be ageless to each other.

I am in the same boat Anniebach and my heart is with you. I just feel that it won't be long now and we'll meet along the road. I am going to the send off this week for a very dear friend of ours and that will be difficult. Lots of memories but it will be manageable. For me the anticipation is worse but once the time arrives it's not so bad. Much love.

I don't think you meet again I think this is it and we believe in an afterlife to comfort ourselves through bereavement but if I m wrong and there is then it wont have anything to do with age I don't know your story Anniebach or whether you remarried but if not and he was the love of your life why would you not be with him in death Just because your worldly body will be older seems no reason to me You were the same age when you were together ( I presume) so surely if you believe in an afterlife your feelings and love will still be the same age

I will be all on my own in my plot being a divorcee.. I hope I won't be lonely

Oh dear Annie Bach. Hope u won't mind me saying this but you do not seem to have quite been yourself for some time. Your posts have not been so upbeat. Reading this thread I can see why. If it were me, I would be going back to writing my 'emotions' diary or finding a trusted friend/counsellor to talk to
Please think about finding help.

Please please contact your sisters. I lost mine and feel so sorry we didn't make moreeffort to visit when she moved away. We were totally different but the bond was strong, and I feel solost without her...just knowing she was there my sister

anniebach sending love and hugs to you, I'm sorry you are feeling so low.
It would have been my dear mum's 89th birthday today and I have shed a tear this morning, she died nearly 10 years ago.
I hope all the lovely memories you have make you feel a little better .

I believe that when you do meet again after this life, you will be the age the was the most important to you under the circumstances, i.e. the age you appeared to be when you met your loved ones or those with issues you need to clarify. So, in my case 19 for my first boyfriend, for my ex-husband 25, DH 31 and my parents probably around 8 and my miscarried babies around 20-30 etc. And if you want to dance, of course you can (probably perfectly!). DS's best friend died at 21 and we can't imagine him as anything other than he was in this life. His favourite saying was "I can do that" and we envisage him telling God "Don't worry,
God - I can do that!