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Bereavement

My beloved child

(1001 Posts)
Anniebach Wed 01-Nov-17 18:45:42

My beloved daughter took her life in the early hours of this morning.

My first born, my joy, my best friend , my laughter, my tears

I am broken

Annie

Anniebach Tue 21-Nov-17 09:06:51

We are clearing it, rather son in law and son in law who isn't are, they couldn't start proper until after the funeral , my son in law is at breaking point, he is working extra hours , driving to Cardiff to check the children, his only family here is his mother and she has gone on holidays. He paid £500 for a skip from a firm some distance away so her things will not be disposed of locally, he is having all her clothes burned, will not give them to charity, little town and doesn't want to see someone in them .

I am speaking to the town advice bureau this morning, then housing officer at council, then bank and have the physiotherapist this afternoon .

Dear God what a moaner I have become sad

cornergran Tue 21-Nov-17 09:12:20

You are doing all you can annie, so much pressure heaped upon grief. I hope some compassion and common sense kicks in. I also suspect the decorating can’t be enforced, the advice bureau will know. Sending love.

TerriBull Tue 21-Nov-17 09:14:04

No more than anyone else if they'd had to experience what you've been through Annie, just keep talking about it, talking all this through will help with healing, better than keeping it in. (Oh God that sounds so American) Wishing you happier times. Are there any Bereavment Societies you could contact by phone?

Anniebach Tue 21-Nov-17 09:21:55

I am on the fund raising committee for the local CRUSE, I started it her forty years ago , unbelievable isn't it

TerriBull Tue 21-Nov-17 09:33:29

I was going to suggst CRUSE, I'm sure they do some very valuable work.

Jalima1108 Tue 21-Nov-17 10:14:57

Would it be possible to have a meal with your SIL a couple of days a week Anniebach?
MIL found it difficult to eat but ate a lot more when she came to stay with us and had company at the dinner table.

wot Tue 21-Nov-17 10:27:41

I never think of you as a moaner, Annie, more as a friend x

Bellanonna Tue 21-Nov-17 10:37:28

Wot, how’s it going?

Luckygirl Tue 21-Nov-17 10:38:10

It is hard to get a grip on all that you are going through at present.

I do think that you should simply clear out the house and hand in the key. You have no liability - they should be looking at the name/s on the tenancy agreement.

Jalima1108 Tue 21-Nov-17 10:55:30

No - as Luckygirl says, just clear the house, give it a clean if you feel like it and that will make you feel better about it, and hand in the key.
I am shocked at the insensitivity of the Housing Department official who expects relatives to re-decorate.
As far as I know this is not the case in the part of Wales where my family live (probably a different LA).

wot Tue 21-Nov-17 11:02:19

Bella, it's going okay....... I'm enjoying the peace but not enjoying the loneliness) (and getting the coal in, etc) my ex is happy where he is living and he comes round about twice a week to walk Sophie dog. We get on fine now!! I'm a bit worried about Sophie as she's always panting, even at rest. I've turned partners room into a little sitting room and think myself lucky not to be in a bedsit. If I wasn't so old, I might have been able to meet someone else but I don't have the energy for all that now!

wot Tue 21-Nov-17 11:05:35

My new sitting room!

Bellanonna Tue 21-Nov-17 11:14:23

It all sounds positive Wot. I’m sure Annie will be pleased to hear this too. I like the soft colours in your new room!

Elrel Tue 21-Nov-17 11:20:29

Annie - please 'moan' as much as you need. You have friends and support on here, people who care about you.
Speaking for myself, one's own petty problems dwindle to nothing in the face of what you and your family are having to deal with. My thoughts are with you.

Anniebach Tue 21-Nov-17 11:55:02

My sisters are Welsh . Most on GN are English

This taff loves the English 😀

Smileless2012 Tue 21-Nov-17 11:58:34

And the English love this taffgrin.

Luckygirl Tue 21-Nov-17 12:52:15

We are right on the border with Wales and pop across now and again. We love the Gower and St Davids, where I go every year for the festival. The Welsh hills are the backdrop to our garden. So very beautiful. I hope you can take comfort from the beauty around you Annie.

Anniebach Tue 21-Nov-17 13:06:03

Wot, please believe me, it becomes easier to live on your own, I had 15 years no husband but our darling girls, they married and have lived alone since , 42 years. If there is someone out there for you he will come along. Dogs are better company anyway, with them everything you do is right. 😀 I wish you contentment x

Anniebach Tue 21-Nov-17 13:08:55

Smileless , thank you, how these weeks would have been without you all frightens me to think about. You, poor things have had my tears, anger, gabbled posts, dogs and reflux . You are all indeed earth angels x

Anniebach Tue 21-Nov-17 13:13:04

Luckygirl, I think I get my strength from my mountains , I look at them and think how many have done the same and felt the same from the year dot. When they change colour, black, purple, almost yellowy when the hits them, when they are just shadows at dusk, such beauty.not when they are white though yuck snow.

NfkDumpling Tue 21-Nov-17 13:18:58

If the council can insist on the house being decorated, deep purple is a lovely colour.

Willow500 Tue 21-Nov-17 13:27:41

Annie I'm in agreement with the others on the house decorating - it's impossible to clear and paint a house through in 2 weeks when your SIL is working as well. I'm not sure what comeback the council would have if it wasn't done - you see programs on tv of houses being recovered from tenants in dreadful states and they've not been decorated! Just give them the keys back. There is a way to copy the contacts from one phone to another but I've never heard about being able to clone one but there may be some videos on Youtube if its possible. You do have the bills so hopefully proof of the numbers called and received. It's so stressful for you to have to go through this on top of everything else.

Crafting Tue 21-Nov-17 13:29:20

nfk grin
Others know better than me annie but I wouldn't paint it either. How insensitive they are.
You and your SIL have so much to deal with and now this on top. You are not moaning just suffering and we want to be here to help in anyway we can. X

Good to hear from you wot glad you're doing ok.

nigglynellie Tue 21-Nov-17 14:04:57

Re decorating? What absolute nonsense! and what a cheek! How on earth are you supposed to clear the house, and then decorate throughout within two weeks?!! A quick sweep through and a nip round with the hoover is the best the local authority can expect and unless decorating and whose responsibility this would be is actually written into the lease they haven't a leg to stand on. How heartless can anyone be, as if you haven't had enough to bear to the point of being intolerable. If I lived near you annie, they'd be told in no uncertain terms. It's tantamount to bullying and needs to be stopped. I like the idea of purple though!!!!

wot Tue 21-Nov-17 14:09:06

Thank you, Annie!

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