First time posting on here - just need to get these constant thoughts out of my head. Do you think it will get better once the funeral is over? My younger brother died abroad, where he lived and worked, on 10th January, first I knew was when police came to my door to give me the news on 19th January. Complicated family issues that would take too long to go into, but briefly his 2 teenage children had gone to live with him just over a year ago so the life they were to have will never materialise. He was repatriated more than 3 weeks ago, cause of death is still ongoing with a Coroner in the UK so we have still not had a funeral. Not had much of a relationship with sister-in-law for years and am only communicating by email - she is still abroad with the children finalising everything. She had been living in the UK for years with the children while my brother worked abroad so it was not much of a family life for all concerned. I just feel so sad that they went out to be with their dad but it was so brief.
Strange thing is, I was never really part of his life, he was always very independent - he was abroad for probably the last 25 years - with all the family at one point - but then he stayed on while his wife and children settled in the UK but I never saw them and only saw my brother intermittently when he came back to visit them. So why is it now that I keep thinking about him when I never really had to give him a second thought - tried to keep in contact by text and email but he didn't always respond, didn't think anything of it - he wasn't one to chat or gossip - I just thought he was busy with work so didn't pester him. Just wish things could have been different, but have to keep telling myself that they wouldn't have been - he was so independent, 12 years younger than me and had a totally different life.
Just dreading the funeral, I know it has to happen and I will be involved in arrangements, but can't bear the thought. It's a strange feeling that all the years I tried to keep contact, he will be 'home in the UK' and I can only visit him in a cemetery. Any thoughts on how I can move on please?