death/birth

My father died on the same day as one of our 4 month old twins, I still believe that my darling dad went that day to look after our baby.

Oh that's really sad? my fifth granddaughter was born a year to the day my mum died,Sept 6th,So it's a happy day now,mum would have loved it sharing a day with her great granddaughter...xx

I believe your mum gave you the gift of your grandsons. Take her gift, enjoy it, and leave the sadness behind. I know my mother would have given me a stripping down if I let her death cloud such a joyous thing. I miss my mother dreadfully, but she always put the littleones first, I am sure your mother would have as well. Take her love and make it grow.

This hopefully will not upset you,but personally for me what better way to remember & form a connection for your grandsons with the Greatgran they won't get to know except through you, as they grow you will be able to tell them all about her.As long as we have memories & stories to tell we are never far from our loved ones.

That's sad that the day has been overshadowed for you in both directions. Unfortunate coincidence I'd leave it till your grandsons are a lot older before telling them though, so that they're old enough to rationalize that it doesn't have to mean anything particular to them and their birthdays. Kids can sometimes get weird ideas and blame themselves for things.

My Dgd was born exactly one year after my Ds died, my daughter was upset as she was 2 weeks overdue but I said to think of it as something to take the sadness off the day, it is difficult but I put a smile on my face as I would hate for my Dgd to suffer because she happened to be born on that day.

Maybe see if you can try looking at things in a different way? Losing your mum is so painful (.my own lovely mum passed away suddenly in 2005 and I have never got over it). Time does make the pain less sharp. To get two grandsons is a huge gift (and strange that they came on the anniversary of your mums death - two of them two years later) - someone sending you a gift of life......I'm a big believer in spirit and lots we don't understand and whilst I know we can't all have the same beliefs I do hope in time you may find some comfort in this rather than feeling as you do at present. Love and hugs to you.

Our DD was born the day we learnt that DH's grandmother had died (not the same day though). His aunt always said she was the replacement in the family for her mother. My niece was born on the day of my Dad's funeral (he'd died the week before) and it was a positive end to a sad day. You will always grieve for those who pass but don't let that cloud how you feel about the new lives that arrive on the anniversary

That's very sad maddy. Not an easy date for you.

Sadly my son committed suicide on my eldest grandson's birthday, whether it was a coincidence or intentional that he did it that day I will never know for sure, although I know one does not pick a day. However it does make a difference to how I view my grandson's birthday. It's never the happy day it once was for me.

I have twin cousins, very much wanted after a long wait. My grandfather, their mother's father, died the evening they were born. Their mum swears that in the evening quiet in the ward, the doors suddenly swung open and she saw him standing there. She found it very reassuring, that he had come to see the twins that he was so looking forward to meeting. Your mother may have been thrilled to have a special day like this to mark her memory.

I agree with OPs about the "circle of life". We talk openly (when the subject comes up naturally) with our DGC about the fact that we won't always be here.
My dear sister's first DGS was born on what would have been her DH's birthday thus turning a difficult day into a happy one.
You really must seek help but only you can make this decision to move on. We all,have to face bereavements of those we love.

I have flowers for my parents and in-law's birthdays and other happy anniversaries but prefer not to dwell on their deaths. Dad died at Christmas when my children were little, but the last thing he would have wanted would be for that to spoil our Christmases for ever more.

Death is a part of life. Not one of the best bits, but that's how it is.

We got married on the anniversary of my father in laws death, and a few years later our grandson was born on the same date. Hatches, Matches and Despatches

I am sorry this affects you so sadly. My DGD was born on same day a few years later. I managed to rejoice as my mum will never be forgotten. I hope you find peace in your heart as I have

I had a similar experience 35 years ago and I found it actually helped me,I am so sad for you ,is it worth trying counselling for your feelings ?Also write a diary of how you feel ,sometimes it helps to write things down and try to visualize the good .As the twins grow you will see beautiful parts of your Mum reliving it does get better.

My DD1 was born within a few days of my grand parents deaths , nine years earlier.
My mother said " the lord giveth and the lord taketh away"
She regarded DD1 as a gift from my grand parents.
Can't you regard this as a gift rather than a sad reminder.

You won't get over this as long as you continue to see the date as being first and foremost the anniversary of the death of your mother rather than the birthday of your lovely grandchildren. Losing a much loved parent is very sad, but the natural way of the world and more or less inevitable. The birth of grandchildren, on the other hand, is a gift and a joy that has to be celebrated. Don't take that away from them.

My sister and I text each other early on the anniversary of the death of our mother. Not because we are still grieving (though we had a wonderful mum and share lovely memories of her), but because she died on the same date as our grandma, her own mother. We remind each other to take care crossing the street.

one of my grandsons was born on the anniversary of the day my father died . Also, gs was given a name virtually the same as myfather and his second name is the same as my grandfather's was - so I feel there is something special linking them all.

Perhaps you could think of it as your mother sending you two lovely grandsons to help you to overcome your grief.

I purposely put the dates of the deaths of both parents and brother out of my mind....I remember their birthdays, I sometimes have a little chat about things we did(with them), I remember the lovely times we had which was not all the time! Please don't make your grandsons suffer grief every birthday, they will never understand why you cry. Yes you need time to grieve but you also have to live for your grandsons. I am not hard at all but there comes a time when you have to get on with life...it will come .

londongirl - I am very sorry for your loss. I too have lost a parent I adored. I don't know your age but I was only 19 at the time.

It is natural to feel very sad every year for a long time on the anniversary of a parent's death but time is a great healer.

As others have said, your mother probably wouldn't have wanted you to be sad on your GCs' birthdays just because the date coincides with the date of her death so you don't need to feel guilty if in the future you find that you can .

You are very fortunate to have enjoyed a close and loving relationship with your mother as many others here (myself included) missed out.

Br grateful that you had such a wonderful start in life and concentrate on building a happy present and future.

I think you need professional help to learn acceptance that birth and death is inevitable. I think this is a very sad and self centred post.

a quote from my granddaughter aged then 14 " The day Grandpa passed away was actually my birthday. I don't find that sad or bad timing, as some of my close friends have said, but meaningful, It gives me a feeling best described by my mum as "The circle of Life" From ashes to ashes. I am and we are the next generation who will tell the next, amazing stories about our grandpa, who made us proud, and still does R.I.P. ( part of her eulogy at his funeral )

That's lovely jiggly
That's very sad saggi
Londongirl do not let the grieving impose on their day treat it as they were sent to make the date have a happier meaning for you . I don't think we ever get over losing those close to us but over time it becomes an accepted thing in life .