Counselling

if you haven’t already it would be good to talk with your counsellor about your experiences appygran, bereavement brings so many often conflicting emotions and is so individual. Counselling should help you take control, not hinder it so an open discussion with your counsellor would be a good way forward.

CBT can help with many issues although it is not usually the first option with bereavement some aspects can be useful as time goes on. With any counselling approach it’s worth remembering that everyone is individual and it isn’t one size fits all. Wilma is right, IAPT was indeed widened to include other approaches. Having said that there is much variance in availability. I moved 45 miles, it’s the same mental health partnership, the availability is very different as the providers are different.

I’m sorry you haven’t been able to find counselling support missadventure, I wonder, is there a branch of CRUSE near to you? Their specialism is loss and bereavement and I would be amazed if they turned you away although with very new bereavement it can be suggested that the person wait a little while. I’m guessing your phone call was to your local NHS or IAPT service if the GP suggested it. If it was then if you can’t access CRUSE I would go back to the GP and ask for their support for a face to face assessment. Sometimes assessors simply get it wrong or it could be your local service isn’t set up for bereavement work. Please don’t give up.

My belief is PTSD can be approached via several different avenues. There is specialist trauma focused CBT, also DBT and EMDR as well as a more traditional counselling approach, doubtlessly more. The important thing is to be confident in the training of the therapist and their ability to understand the impact of trauma, also that their approach suits you as the client. Not easy that’s for sure.

Synonymous I think CBT has a lot going for it, but in recent years it's been portrayed as the best option for anyone needing support, especially through the IAPT initiative in England. That's supposed to be changing though to widen the range of therapy options. You can work with CBT online on your own and again this can be arranged through IAPT, although there's lots of great free resources online.

My personal opinion is CBT on its own isn't enough if you want to find out why you feel the way you do. CBT helps with your personal development and gives you coping strategies, but doesn't help with underlying issues. For example, I know that my problems are caused by the fact that I have conflicting core beliefs. Core beliefs are the very essence of how we see ourselves, other people, the world, and the future. We all develop our own core beliefs right from when we're children and these sit in the back of our minds, they're not something we think about. Problems can happen if a set of circumstances trigger more than one of our core beliefs and these particular beliefs conflict with each other. We're still not consciously thinking about the core beliefs, they just underpin how we feel. Then we may experience anxiety and depression.

I don't have any experience of PSTD, but I would think that CBT would need to be part of the treatment, but not the only treatment.

That is how I feel. Traumatised. I have so many emotions, and so many things I have to get out, one way or another, they're all churning up inside me constantly. Its a huge things to experience a loved ones death. If I could tell someone all about it, then I feel I could start to heal.

My husband also passed 8 months ago; suddenly, unexpectedly and in front of me.

I've had 1-2-1 counselling from a volunteer bereavement counsellor since August. It has helped me greatly, but I've also had to help myself.

At first I cried quite a lot on front of her and also had anger issues about how I was now on my own and also about a family member. She has helped me because she reflects back how I feel or questions why I feel a certain way.

At our last session, a few days ago, she felt we needed to think about winding down/ending out sessions. I tend to agree with her because I'm feeling quite strong...for now anyway. She can see how positive I've become and how much I'm doing to help myself move forward.

I think counselling helps to offload your issues, but it should be in the context of moving forward, or how to enable you to move forward.

That is interesting Wilma as I know someone using CBT to help with PTSD which was suddenly stopped and that seemed to cause almost as much stress as the original problem. He is having to get another referral from his GP. Nothing to do with stress and emotions is at all simple. I haven't really thought about it before but I should think that there are great similarities between bereavement and PTSD.

Have you told your counsellor how you're feeling?

I've had several periods of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) over the last 20 years and it hasn't been my experience that it gets worse before it gets better. All though I learned a lot about myself, I only made real progress the last time. I think the reason for this is previously I worked through almost the same CBT areas each time, but wasn't able to change my behaviour once I was on my own. The last time my counsellor focused on the underlying issues and that's when I started making real progress.

Did your counsellor give you an idea of how many sessions you would initially have? After four months I think you could ask about reviewing your progress. Normally you do not just stop having sessions, you start by extending the time between appointments. Talk to your counsellor.

I have heard it said during a training session at work that counselling is sometimes considered to be not the best way forward, for exactly the reasons you've said. Its just keeping the wound open. We were told that CBT was being phased in, and counselling out. I have no idea if that is true.
I did feel that I needed to spend some time talking through what happened when I was bereaved. I still feel it would help me. There is only so much my few friends can take of me raking over my sadness, but I feel I want to, just for a while.

Thank you for replying Miss A. Yes it has helped but now I am begining to feel I am going round in circles. Can I cope, yes I have always coped but do I want to and will further sessions help or just delay me taking control. Still pondering.

Do you think you could manage from here on in?
I'm interested because my gp told me to refer myself for counselling after bereavement, and after the phone consultation I was informed I wasn't going to be accepted.
Do you feel able to move on a little bit, emotionally?