Gransnet forums

Bereavement

Children going to funeral

(90 Posts)
colournanny Fri 09-Feb-18 20:32:32

She is a special girl, she’s written a lovely letter for me to put in my dads coffin cx

maryeliza54 Fri 09-Feb-18 20:29:10

He is part of her and I think it’s truly lovely that she wants to go - she must be a special young girl. Condolences to you

Norah Fri 09-Feb-18 20:17:38

Condolences. I don't believe she should attend.

BlueBelle Fri 09-Feb-18 20:15:00

Definitely let her go, my grandkids were 4 and 6 when their Daddy died my daughter took a lot of professional advice and they all said it’s far better for a child to go as it gives them some closure and they know he is really gone for ever They both had a cry in the service itself mainly because others were crying around them it was an open coffin as is the way in Ireland and they gave their Daddy a kiss goodbye ( they asked to) then we went to the burial site it was a lovely day and I ll never forget my little granddaughter (4) skipping along in the sunshine they carried his running shoes and club shirt They were included and were doing the last thing they could for their Daddy
Please tell your mum my story if you think it may help

colournanny Fri 09-Feb-18 20:07:40

Thanku

colournanny Fri 09-Feb-18 19:44:49

Thanku for all your messages. I totally agree with u all . I’m just worried about explaining that to my mum ,

Jalima1108 Fri 09-Feb-18 19:40:18

colournanny I would let her go to the funeral, 11 is not too young. My older DC went to my father's funeral when they were 9 and 11.

MissAdventure Fri 09-Feb-18 19:23:17

Yes. I think 'they' recommend it for children. Death is part of life, although not the best part, admittedly. 11 isn't too young.

suzied Fri 09-Feb-18 19:16:43

It’s a yes from me. My 4 grandchildren were 18 months - 7 years old when their 16 year old cousin died. They were all very close to her so we took them all to the funeral - why not? Death is a part of life and you can’t shield them from it forever.

Daddima Fri 09-Feb-18 19:06:40

I’d say if she’s asked to go, she should be allowed, and maybe even be given a small part to play, like giving out orders of service etc.
On my father’s ( Irish) side of the family, grandchildren were very much involved in the funeral, as the deceased was laid out in the sitting room, and the children put drawings, flowers, and other mementoes into the coffin.

M0nica Fri 09-Feb-18 19:04:04

Let her go. All modern research into grieving in children, emphasises the importance of children not being excluded from funerals. Mine went to their grandfather's funeral at the ages of 8 and 10 without any problem.

Your mother is, naturally, reflecting the (now considered erroneous) views of many of her generation.

nanaK54 Fri 09-Feb-18 19:02:52

Sorry for your loss flowers
I would allow her to go if she wants to

Bellasnana Fri 09-Feb-18 19:01:12

If the young girl feels she would like to attend the funeral she should be allowed to do so.

I was nine years old when my father died but was not allowed to go to his funeral. It still bothers me today that I was shielded from saying my last goodbye to him.

Condolences on the loss of your father, colournanny flowers

CassieJ Fri 09-Feb-18 18:55:24

I think she should go. My elder children's grandad died when they were all under 10 and they went to his funeral. It is good for them to have the chance to say goodbye.

colournanny Fri 09-Feb-18 18:53:19

My dad died last month & my 11 year old grandaughter has said she wants to go to his funeral. My mum is now saying she is too young & shouldn’t go. Wot r the thoughts of other grans?