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Coroners inquest

(27 Posts)
Anniebach Sat 24-Mar-18 21:54:39

The inquest into my daughters death was held early February . I have now received a recording of it , I asked for it, paid for it, now I have it. I know the verdict. Why can I not listen to it ?

aggie Sat 24-Mar-18 22:05:30

Oh Annie , my heart breaks for you xxx
God look down on you and give you strength xxx

Anniebach Sat 24-Mar-18 22:12:57

Aggie , thank you x I have now reached a stage where I doubt my mental wellness , things I know are irrational but I have to do , things I know are rational I cannot do.

Squiffy Sat 24-Mar-18 22:23:59

Annie I imagine that the thought of the recording is somehow making it all seem too real. I'm so sorry for your anguish.

MissAdventure Sat 24-Mar-18 22:25:37

I think it would take incredible strength of mind to listen to the tape, Annie.
More than I could manage at the minute, if my circumstances were like yours.
I have to rush sometimes to turn the tv over because something reminds me.
I don't want to: I literally HAVE to, because I feel too fragile mentally to be reminded.

M0nica Sat 24-Mar-18 23:14:22

Annie, that sounds completely normal to me. Put it away in the back of a cupboard. There will probably come a day, this year, next year, sometime, never, when you will just drift over pick it, play it while sobbing your eyes out - and then feel peaceful.

phoenix Sat 24-Mar-18 23:31:02

Sending you every good wish Annie , but please may I ask, is it written document, or some sort of recorded report? (You mentioned not be able to listen to it yet.)

SueDonim Sun 25-Mar-18 02:00:38

You don't have to listen to it, Anniebach. Not now and not ever, if you don't want to. :flowers:

Maybe you need to see a doctor or a bereavement counsellor to talk about your feelings, which must be overwhelming. No wonder the world makes no sense to you. sad

kittylester Sun 25-Mar-18 07:39:00

It's totally understandable, Annie, in my view! You don't need to read it/listen to it at all or you can do it when you are ready.

Anniebach Sun 25-Mar-18 09:58:12

Stupid if me to mention it. I know I do not have to listen to it, feel I should because I am her mother, mothers protect don't they

Luckygirl Sun 25-Mar-18 10:37:13

There is no hurry annie - put it away and listen to it when you feel ready; perhaps with someone you trust by your side. xx

M0nica Sun 25-Mar-18 10:44:52

Annie Our children, especially adult children are independent people, we may want to protect them, but we can't.

To what extent could your mother have protected you at the age your DD was when she died? I find remembering myself at my children's age is a good corrective, if ever I get over-protective.

DH and I lived with DD for 2 months after she had a serious accident and while she was very grateful for all the help she really needed, we got 'seen off' very quickly if we went too far in our care and she had us back in our home as soon as she decided she could manage without us, even if only with difficulty.

Your daughter was an adult. You offered her all the help you could, but she was free to refuse it, even if it was not in her best interest. You have to accept that.

kittylester Sun 25-Mar-18 10:48:49

Annie, not in the same league at all but, after his stroke, DS wrote and self published a book.

He gave all his family a suitably inscribed copy and asked us to read it and tell him what we thought. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done and I read it in one sitting at a million miles per hour - so it didn't touch the sides.

I read it because I'm his mum and he needed me to. I have promised myself to read it again properly and I keep it on my bedside chest but at the bottom of the pile because I just can't bear to relive that terrible time.

So, to a much lesser degree, I understand where you are coming from. flowers

Agus Sun 25-Mar-18 10:54:32

Follow your instincts Annie. You did everything you humanly could to protect your daughter but you were not responsible for running every aspect of her life. I hope that doesn’t sound harsh, I’m thinking about you and you have to protect yourself too.

You will know when you feel strong enough to listen. flowers

Anniebach Sun 25-Mar-18 10:58:33

kitty, thank you, your words ' I'm his Mum and he needed me to' My darling daughter needed me , she was always haunted by the fact her adored daddy said - see you in the morning , but never did. I did not encourage her dependency on me but I understood it. For me no matter the age, your child is your child just as a mother is a mother.n

kittylester Sun 25-Mar-18 11:03:11

And, mums always do their best Annie, as you did. That's all we can do.

Grannybags Sun 25-Mar-18 11:05:25

Annie flowers

Cherrytree59 Sun 25-Mar-18 13:02:35

Annie your Darling daughter is safe she is in Gods care.
As is your darling husband.
When my father died the one thing that helped was that my parents were reunited after 30yrs apart.
Your daughter had been reunited with her dear fatherflowers.

Whist clearing out some papers last week I came across some information and newspaper cuttings re my beloved Uncles death in 2002.
I read them with a heavy heart, it has taken me 16 years but the time was right for me.
I was able to read with a little matter of factness. with less of the anger and pain and helplessness that I felt for many a year after his death.
I did have tears in my eyes but as I mentioned on another thread he is in my heart and in last nights dreams.

Annie you will know when the time is right, wrap it up and put in drawer.
It will still be there when you are ready and strong enough to listen/read.

Anniebach Sun 25-Mar-18 15:31:50

You are right Cherry , thank you x

phoenix Sun 25-Mar-18 15:48:40

I really don't know what to say Annie , the first I knew about the inquest into my DS's death was when I saw the results/decision splashed across the front page of the local paper. My exdh and his then partner attended, but didn't think to inform me of the date. Deliberately, I think.

kittylester Sun 25-Mar-18 17:35:57

phoenix, that's dreadful. flowers

morethan2 Sun 25-Mar-18 17:54:29

I wish I had the answer, I wish I could help and comfort you
Anniebach but I know there is nothing I can do except to say you are always in my thoughts,

phoenix Sun 25-Mar-18 18:10:58

Kitty , yes, it was, but I can't change it. Just have to accept it and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Anniebach Sun 25-Mar-18 18:15:11

Phoenix, that was brutal, not letting you know and then you reading it un the local press, how cruel

morethan x

phoenix Sun 25-Mar-18 18:35:17

Thank you, as said, can't change things, can't turn back time, just have to accept it.