Correspondence

Oh this is so awful. I’m upset and angry for you all.

It is now almost 2 years since my husband died, but the other day a credit card statement arrived addressed to him, despite them being informed at the time of his death. I rang the bank`s customer services number, was put through to the bereavement department, told them why I was calling, and asked for no more correspondence addressed to my husband. I was asked if there was a will, I said yes, was I the executor? I said no, my daughter was, so then he said they need to speak to the executor before they can put a deceased notice on his credit card account. What the HELL does his will have to do with it? All they have to do is stop sending the statements out saying that £0.00 is owing!

After my step-mum died, I was dealing with her affairs and found one letter to her that began,
"Hello Smith Elizabeth!" (names have been changed). It was from some quite official organisation, on headed paper. They weren't this know she was dead, but should have known that she was a 95-year-old lady in a care home. I wrote back to them, informing them of her death, and also saying that this was a totally inappropriate salution with which to open a semi-formal letter to anyone, ever!

surely it's time we struck back.
the reason these carelessnesses happen is because it costs them so little to regurgitate the endless reams of bumph they send out. if we made it cost them customers to do it, they'd soon put some effort into stopping it from happening.
so please name-and-shame these companies.
don't protect them with bash'em n'diddle.
tell us all who they are so we can withdraw our patronage and write telling them why. it should only take a few incidents and all companies will soon pull their socks up.

Whoops. Should always check grammar etc after amending/cutting and pasting. Sorry.

It was many years ago since my father in law died. Professional magazines etc constantly arrived at the now empty house despite informing the companies. In the end I wrote a large ‘deceased’ in black indelible marker across them and ‘return to sender’ and shoved them in the pillar box. The message finally got through.

I was at the cinema watching the opening scenes of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel where a recently bereaved Judi Dench is speaking to someone on the phone and they are evidently saying "We can only talk to the account holder." meaning her late husband. I was surprised how loudly the audience laughed at this - but then they also laughed at the scene where Tom Wilkinson's former lover is walking into the river with his ashes. A very strange audience that day.

My husband has been dead almost twenty years. He ran a small business from home. I still get calls from tele sales people trying to sell office furniture, photocopier suppliers. I ask them where on earth they are buying their business data from for a company which (for any reason) hasn't traded in twenty years but they will never say. There is no residual reference to the company online. I still find the calls distressing.

Sorry, my message above ought to have been directed to hereshoping.

Hi TwiceAsNice - if you know the man's address, perhaps you could write to him and ask him what he would like you to do with the letters.

Here's hoping you could just put not known at this address and put them back in the post at least then you are not holding on to them

My DM died 11 years ago this year. Largely all letters and magazines finally stopped after a couple of years, but in January I received a letter addressed to her from National Premium bonds saying she had won £25 I contacted them to be told she didn’t have any premium bonds (which I already knew?) and that it was an error! I was still upset that they had written to her as I knew for a fact that the solicitor had contacted them 11 years ago to cash in her bonds as part of probate!

We still get letters addressed to the dead wife of the previous owner. She died about 4 years ago.
It's a dilemma , should we forward these or not?
He can't cancel them , if he doesn't know about them and the information may be relevant to him. I understand that it's illegal to just throw the letters away.

My father always supported a particular charity so at his funeral we asked for donations to the charity in lieu of flowers.
Some weeks later a letter arrived from the charity addressed to him asking if he would like to increase his annual donation. We returned the letter to them stating that not only had they been informed of his death but that the charity had received quite a generous donation collected at his funeral.
We eventually got a somewhat belated thankyou for the donation and an apology for the begging letter.

Thank you Maw x

Some months after my grandfather died (a long time ago) a letter came for him to check his contact details because for his last few months he had been in a retirement home. For his current address I wrote 'In Heaven'. Never heard from them again.

Dear Maw, I'm happy to see you can remember some of Paw's wise words and I hope remembering them didn't result in you becoming even sadder. I do hope he and Daddy grandtante meet up in the corridors of heaven, because "Engage brain before opening mouth" is a sentiment my late father would heartily endorse, as would most of the Jesuit fathers I have had the good fortune to meet in the course of my teaching career. Suspect Ignatius of Loyola heartily approves of it too.

Try putting the correspondence in another envelope and re-addressing it back to the person or firm who sent it to you. Don't put a stamp on it. Having to pay to receive it back will hurt them in their pocket and may be a deterrent.

I suppose you would have to exercise some discretion.

Condolences madmum
I was advised to get several copies of paws death certificate when I registered his death as subsequent copies would be more expensive. I got six which made things so much easier.
If they are certified copies they should be accepted. Also in my experience whenever I sent a copy of the death certificate e.g. to the bank, for probate, life insurance, ISA’s etc, it was returned within a couple of days often by registered post or recorded delivery.
Our bank’s Bereavement Team were very understanding and kind when I spoke to them on the phone and then at the branch. Your DH’s account should have been closed and /or transferred to you when he died as everything is “frozen” at that point so that Probate can be applied for.
I think you need to talk to them again, but of course this is distressing for you.

So sorry you had this happen
My DH died Boxing Day 2017, dreading that coming around this year. My bank has refused to accept the death certificate,it is the official copy you receive when registering the death but am told the want the original one,got onto the register office to ask about this but was told the original stays with them and the copy I sent out should have been excepted, it was by everyone else so consequently I am receiving a bank statement every month for him,asked if it can go paperless,at least wouldn’t keep coming through the door but told my DH would need to contact them to confirm it

I have found that if you put "Deceased. Return to sender." on these publicity items and magazines which keep coming, it does work in the end. You may have to send it back several times. I had one letter addressed to "Dear Mr.................. Deceased" and wondered if they had a stairway to heaven. Perhaps they thought that was his name!

OK......scratch everything except the last two lines. I just realized the letter was addressed to Mr. Broom. Sorry Maw....my bad.

Sorry...amended (i.e. THEIR records.....

Maw,
Nothing can be more irritating or insensitive than an untimely 'form' letter. They are often crafted with standardized company language to cover any number of circumstances and save them time.

I know this won't soothe your feelings in any way, but the letter was addressed to you, not the deceased, which indicates awareness. So, it may help to consider that the wording wasn't meant to indicate a change of address, but rather a change in status (letter was very poorly worded).

They once had your husbands address and information for doing business, but based on the information you gave them, they have amended that information (i.e. his records) accordingly.

So sorry you got that stupid letter. Mourning is a process......It's good that you enjoyed spending time with your family.

Hugs, Willa

Nannymags, I hope your eye improves, but oh Lord you did make me laugh!??

Sorry. I think I’ve posted this in the wrong place.....?!