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(84 Posts)
MawBroon Thu 12-Jul-18 16:40:10

I really did not understand at the time why my Dad got so upset by continued correspondence addressed to Mum, particularly from organisations who should have known better.
Now I do.
I came home after 2 lovely days with DD , SIL and DGS(especially him!) to a (computer generated, I imagine) letter from the subscription department of 2 magazines Paw used to get despite my notifying them back in November that he had died. This one started
“ Dear Mr Broon
We are writing to confirm that your address amendment has been actioned as requested.”
Under different circumstances I might have found it funny. Did they know something I don’t about where he has “gone”?
Not laughing though, just feeling the loss rubbed in a little bit more sadsad

Oldwoman70 Thu 12-Jul-18 16:47:20

So sorry this has upset you - I can fully understand as I went through the same thing after my DH died. Although these letters are computer generated you would think they would have to be actioned and checked by someone. flowers

GrannyGravy13 Thu 12-Jul-18 16:50:42

I had a letter addressed to my Mum last week, from our local NHS wheelchair provider, informing her that their office was moving.

Astonishing as we tried for the last three months of her life to get a flipping wheelchair, and it never materialised!

Panache Thu 12-Jul-18 16:54:15

Highly insensitive and deeply upsettting in the circumstances.
We congratulate ourselves on advancement in this day and age, yet these painful reminders inform us we have yet a whole lot to learn,plus a lot of tweaking systems so these communications are halted prior to being sent.
Perhaps "by hand" as very much was in the past was no bad thing after all.

So sorry Maw.......fully appreciating it has not exactly uplifted you on this day.

Squiffy Thu 12-Jul-18 17:12:07

Sorry to read that Maw. Things like that give you such a jolt, don't they? sad

I notified a mail order company that my DM had died and received an automated response addressed to my DM starting with, "Dear '123456' " - the 123456 referring to her account number with them. Why it was sent to her I've no idea and they couldn't even manage to use her name. Is that proof that we're all just a number? hmm

Bathsheba Thu 12-Jul-18 17:25:16

Ah Maw it is so very upsetting, isn't it? Somehow just seeing "Dear Mr....." on a current letter brings the loss so much to the surface again. My DH was continually brought low by such mail addressed to his parents after they'd gone. When his DF died, his DM went into a care home as she was wholly unable to care for herself. We therefore wound up all DFiL's affairs, all the bank accounts, utility bills etc, and sold the house.
We live in the same area, and use some of the same utility companies, and one of them in particular simply could not get their heads around the fact that there were two Mr B's on their books and could not get their records straight, no matter how many times we rang them or wrote to them. So for around a year after DFiL's death, all our electricity bills were addressed to Mr <my DH's name> (dec'd). You can imagine how distressing it was for him - and me - to repeatedly see post addressed to him in this manner shock

Luckygirl Thu 12-Jul-18 17:29:04

Sorry to hear thatMaw - so insensitive. I am guessing that these things are generated by computers. It is a shame that those who programme them do not set avoiding these sort of mistakes as a priority,

Anniebach Thu 12-Jul-18 17:29:23

Maw, I am so sorry you are distressed .

How about this to give you a little smile, i don’t want you sad x

I received widows pension for quite a number of years , age 60 I had to change to OAP. They wrote asking me of proof of my husbands death,I replied I had given it to them many years ago. They replied asking for his address , I gave them the plot number and name of the cemetery .

Eglantine21 Thu 12-Jul-18 17:34:44

It is upsetting.

I had a phone call a couple of weeks ago. A young man asking to speak to my husband about his PPI claim.

When I said it wasn’t possible he told me that my husband had been in touch with their firm and asked them to pursue his claim.

Even after all these years having to say that my husband was dead still made me have a little weep.

Very hard for you Maw flowers

janeainsworth Thu 12-Jul-18 17:39:30

The letters might be computer-generated, but it is a person who has read the letter of notification, and negligently failed to amend the computer records accordingly, and negligently failed to send a proper acknowledgement.

I am sorry, Maw. These things really shouldn't

Jalima1108 Thu 12-Jul-18 17:51:00

Oh dear, why don't they amend their records promptly and efficiently?
When my dear friend died suddenly, her husband contacted everyone he needed to but kept getting raffle tickets etc sent from the RBL and then one of those little wooden crosses was sent through the post a while later, addressed to her asking her to remember someone dear. Even after contacting them yet again, another one arrived the year after too.
DH contacted them on his behalf and they finally got the message


Beechnut Thu 12-Jul-18 18:07:53

After my FiL died we continued to get correspondence from a firm he had had investments with. One day after yet another letter came through the letterbox after repeatedly writing back saying he had died I phoned them up and asked politely, "Can dead people make investments?" They must have thought I was barmy but we never had anymore letters.

cornergran Thu 12-Jul-18 18:19:20

No, maw, it shouldn’t have happened. As luckygirl said, people are involved and the people should ensure this sort of thing can’t happen. I’m sorry you had to go home to it.

MissAdventure Thu 12-Jul-18 19:11:25

I had a phone call last week from a man from 'basham & diddle' or some such firm.
He asked if I was aware that he was acting on behalf of Anglian Water.
When I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, he began asking me about my daughter, then informed me he was a solicitor, and had been instructed to recover the 100 odd pounds that was left owing when she died.
It was horrible, and he got very short shrift from me.

MissAdventure Thu 12-Jul-18 19:24:05

Oh, and of course, a special mention must go to my grandsons school, for continuing up until April this year to email my daughter regarding school issues, and for sending my grandson home with a letter addressed to her, after I had gone to the head, to try and sort it out once a for all. flowers
Most insensitive gits of the year!

Jalima1108 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:31:14

Oh dear MissAdventure - the award for insensitivity goes to Basham & Diddle.

And as for the school, that was unforgiveable.

MissAdventure Thu 12-Jul-18 19:35:08

Well, that's good then, because I haven't forgiven them yet, Jalima. Nor will I, ever.
My last correspondence with them was a very snotty letter, telling me that they were perfectly well aware of the circumstances, and they would NEVER do anything to upset me or grandson. (Even though they had, frequently)

Jalima1108 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:43:30

Inefficient and defensive by the sounds of it.

I hope your DGS is OK.

MissAdventure Thu 12-Jul-18 19:48:15

Sorry Maw!
I didn't mean to hog the thread, and I'm sorry you've been upset by the unexpected mail.

callgirl1 Thu 12-Jul-18 23:07:42

It`s now a year and 9 months since David died, and my daughter notified, amongst others, our gas and electricity supplier, that the monthly direct debit payments would now come from my new account. They have duly taken their money each month from MY account, but all letters are still addressed to David.

callgirl1 Fri 13-Jul-18 01:06:39

We were married 55 years ago today.

MawBroon Fri 13-Jul-18 07:47:24

A hard one, callgirl
I dread the anniversaries but I sincerely hope you can look at your lovely children and grandchildren and look back on over half a century of a good marriage. Something not granted to all.
He was a lucky man to have you flowersflowers

bikergran Fri 13-Jul-18 07:52:16

still getting bits n bobs addressed to dh 4 yrs later confused

Auntieflo Fri 13-Jul-18 08:31:47

flowers to all of you who have been affected by such thoughtlessness. I still get angry on behalf of a friend who went through the same senseless beaurocracy years ago.

TwiceAsNice Fri 13-Jul-18 08:51:04

I may have posted this before but as you can imagine it has never been forgotten. When my son died at age 4 I had to send the child benefit book back expecting them to send me a new one. The original one was sent back with his name crossed out and the word Dead hand written above it. The person who wrote it was obviously not a parent or even human, and I have never forgotten or forgiven.