Friends and family

The word Friend has such a wide meaning, from close friend to acquintance so referring to your 'friends' death doesn't convey to people how close you were to him. I think you have to explain your relationship to them.

I agree with Bluekitchen192 that some people are unable to comfort a bereaved person. I remember talking to someone who said they didn't want to visit a close relative because someone had just died and they didn't now what to say. I suggested what they should say and that the relative would be more hurt if they didn't contact them.

Many gransnetters will have lost close friends and will understant it leaves a big hole in your life.

I’m so sorry for your loss GA.

I wonder if people simply don’t realise how great a loss a friend can be. In many ways the loss is greater than that of family members because the relationship was a choice.

My sympathies go to you.
I can recommend a very good book called
‘Surviving the Death of a Sibling’ by T J Wray (Amazon).
In a way friends are like siblings...the book explores the very theme you mention, which is the sidelining and dismissing of people very close to the deceased person by otners who don’t understand the huge significance of the loss to them.

My experience is that many people are unable to comfort a bereaved person, no matter who has died. I feel for your loss and I send you my sympathy and my prayers.

Thank you all for your understanding.

This very special man loved my husband as a son and in the same way my mother in law loves his daughter like her own. I can't really describe the relationships within our two families except to say that four generations are intertwined by choice and held together by love and affection.

Please accept my deepest sympathy GA.

My first husband's sister became a dear friend of mine. She lived 300 miles away but we kept in touch for over thirty years. When she died a few years ago and had doubts about going to her funeral as I didn't know anyone there. I needn't have worried because everyone was so kind to me and pleased that I'd made the effort to get there.

Nobody down here knew her so I didn't get much sympathy here.

I had to take my DGS with me so he had 3 days off school (2 days travelling and 1 for the funeral). The school agreed to it but a few weeks later I got a letter from the EWO saying that his attendance level was below the acceptable percentage and how important it was to be in school etc etc. That really, really upset me. I was so angry and upset I was in floods of tears. It seemed so cruel and unfeeling but I suppose it was just an automatic computerised letter. I did write back to complain but they didn't reply.

I do understand how you feel.

So sorry for your loss. Last year a good friend died ( aged only 65) He was my DHs best friend, the one he would just pop over to see for a chat, play golf, help with DIY. He felt it very deeply so we understand your pain.

Sending sincere condolences grannyactivist. We don't seem to have words to describe close friends, other than to include them as 'loved ones'.
One of my dearest friends died 34 years ago, in childbirth. I had a 4 month old baby. I still feel she's a part of my life, I miss her and wonder what her baby would be like as a 34 year old, would he have a cousin type relationship with my 34 year old. I loved her. Writing this reminds me of that.

I'm still close friends with one of the other women in our friendship/work group from all those years ago. We often talk about our friend, it helps keep her with us. Her baby survived the birth but with significant health problems. He remained in hospital and died a year later.

It's good to read that your husband is going to the funeral service. I agree that those who have experienced similar losses will empathise and understand but that to say a close friend has died doesn't quite express the depth of the loss x

My daughters' best friend has had trouble explaining to people that they weren't just friends; they both felt a much deeper connection than that.
They considered themselves sisters.

My sympathy also, a close friend died 10 years ago and, as you say, no one except DH, had any concept of how grief stricken I was.

I found the same thing when my sister died, my parents were still alive and everybody, rightly, thought of their grief first, but many stuck their and did not seem to realise that her surviving sisters were also devastated and grief stricken. It was if we were invisible.

A much loved friend died in a car accident in France, I was so distressed , she was the wife of a priest so I had many phone calls asking about the accident , her injuries etc. Not one offered condolences.

Please accept my deepest sympathy and understanding x

Yes, we had a similar response when a friend died. Mr C had known him for over 45 years, me a little less. He was a brother to us both. Our family understood which helped but no one else seemed to understand the significance of the space he left in our lives.

So grannya please accept my condolences. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m wondering if it’s even harder as you won’t be at your friends funeral. I know though you’ll say your goodbyes in your own way.

Be kind to yourself, .

Sorry for your loss GA

I wonder if those who dissmissed your loss have ever had a really close friend. Maybe not having experienced the love this can bring they don't comprehend the loss you feel. Just thinking of the loss of a very dear friend brings a lump to my throat.
It would have been nice if they had offered sympathy though.