Friends and family

I am so sorry to hear that your dear friend has died. What's the saying...you can't chose your family, but you can chose your friends, and we are often closer to our dear friends than family. Please talk, share memories with people, and explain how dear he was to you to people.

Sorry I meant to add so sorry for your loss-as others have said words do not convey the empathy for the loss of your dear friend ?

Yes a good friend of ours died suddenly in a traffic accident along with other members of her family. It isn’t a competition-if you lose someone you love its natural to feel bereaved whether they are family or friend.

I'm so sorry to read that the experience of others has mirrored my own. to all who are mourning the loss of friends and family.

The English language probably has a richer vocabulary and more synonyms than any other language so it's disappointing that we don't have a word to describe a particularly close friend.

Condolences Granny A. We have lost a very close friend suddenly just a few days ago - we are struggling to imagine what life will be like for us without him in it, whilst trying to offer support to his wife and ACs (all also very good friends of our whole family). We have holidayed together for many years, celebrated Christmases and New Years and special birthdays and anniversaries. Luckily we have several friends who have been kind enough to recognise our loss and our ACs have been sending us little caring messages frequently.

I’m sorry you’ve had a such a sad loss grannyA. Many folk have never experienced close relationships outside of their own family circle and just don’t realise how important these relationships can be and then aren’t able to understand the huge sense of loss. Others of us have formed friendships with folk who over the years have become “as family” to us.

I have a very good friend of over 45 years standing, she is 30 years and more older than I am. I can’t imagine life without her there and will have a great sense of loss when that happens, as will my husband and children too. I’m glad you had people to share in your sadness purplepoppies.

I lost an amazing lady a few months ago. She was a wonderful friend. I know exactly what you mean. But I was lucky enough to have some people around who loved her like I did. We gave each other comfort.
I'm sending you a hug and best wishes ?

GrannyA - Very sorry that your family have lost so dear a friend.

Kathsue - Current rules about, and responses to, absences in some schools are verging on batshit. Years ago the heart came before the tickbox and the automatic response communication.

In response to Juliet27, perhaps he didn't know what to say.

GrannyA I read about your friendship on another thread. I was touched by your and other stories of great closeness and kindness. Sincere condolences

Also Minerva so sorry to hear of your loss. You will always treasure your friendship

A dear friend of mine died and I sobbed for ages. My husband just sat nearby and didn't say a word let alone offer a hug. Made me feel even more upset.

Sorry for your loss *Granny Activist*.

People can be insensitive, when my Step-Father died I applied for 1 week compassionate leave to be with DM & for the Funeral (250 miles from our home). My Boss said "oh but it's only your S-F", my response was I had known him all my life & he had been married to my DM for over 20 years (I was 44)

Personally andI know full well that a hail of bullets will be likely but that's fine, I think that condolences are useless, likewise sympathy. My parents died decades ago and all the sympathy in the world would not have made me feel any better. No-one would have felt my pain, it's just the correct thing to say.
As it was, I went in to work the next day and didn't tell anyone, after all, what could they say or do which would have comforted me? I would have likely put them in the uncomfortable position of offering sympathy, hugs and back patting which would have just prolonged the hurt.
I have wonderful memories of parents who gave me a magical childhood and a tough spirit so there is nothing to be sad about. They wouldn't have liked the way the world has changed anyway.

My and DH oldest friend has just died very shortly after being admitted to hospital. We were out with her and her DH on the Friday before she was taken ill the next day and admitted to CCU with sepsis. Luckily everybody who knows us well knows how close we were and has given us their condolences. When visiting, somebody asked if I was a relative of J and I said no, just a friend. J's sister said you're not just a friend you're a close and long time friend, which I thought was lovely.

Granny A, I read about your dear friend on the kindness thread, and you conveyed so succinctly how very dear this man was to you and your family. Please accept my sincerest condolences. Oh how I hate that phrase...wish I could think of a better one, just know, that a fellow granny from Yorkshire is thinking about you

I am very sorry for your loss many people do not realise that lifelong friends are often more loved by us than our blood relations. On a different note my husband died 4 weeks ago after a long illness. My eldest sons partner has not contacted me to offer her condolences nor did she attend the funeral or send her apologies. My son has been amazing and wrote the most moving tribute to his Father which he read at the Service. I really don’t understand but as my own Gran used to say “ there’s none so queer as folk”. Thinking of you and hoping you find peace and comfort in your memories.

So sorry for your loss.

The elderly neighbours (in their 90s) in our first home were very dear to us and I was heartbroken when they died within a few months of each other. We had moved away by then (1996) but used to visit every couple of months. I have a photo of them on my windowsill now still.

Dear granny Activist, so very sorry for your loss. My oldest and dearest pal died last month and I'm so upset still. Some folks have shown empathy, but not many. Most have just forgotten. . I spent the last three weeks in the hospice with her, a lovely and sad time. Lots of love xxxx

My husband’s best pal died, he grieves for him more than for his very elderly late parents. He truly was a brother to him. Ironically his pal’s elderly parents are still alive and my hubby takes his Mum to the care home where his 97 year old dad is several times a week. Never underestimate the power of good friends. Love to you and yours.

It does not hurt any one to pass on condolences when learning that a person or persons they know have experienced loss.
Whether the loss is relative or friend it is still never the less a loss. Grannyactivist both yourself and DH have mine

So sorry for your loss. And I think more people nowadays understand how close we can become to dear friends. Due to the fact, in part, that we can easily keep in touch with friends and also visit, even though there are miles between us. So some friends remain in our lives from youth to old age. And some friends can become closer than some family. It's true that we can pick our friends, but not our family.

I understand so well and send my deepest sympathy. I am grieving myself all on my own.

I became friends with a lady when we were in the same ward in hospital just over a year ago. It was clear to me, though not to her, that she was terminally ill. She looked well and felt well. I visited her in hospital then picked her up often for shopping and coffee or lunch. She came to us on Christmas Day and a warm friendship developed.

As she became weaker she would ring me with a shopping list. A month ago I went and bought her a fly screen which she wanted but twice after arranging to go round to fix it she called to say she just wanted to sleep and put it off.

One of her friends phoned to tell me she was in hospital and I went next day to see her. She was to be moved to a nursing home and I waited to be told where that was. A few days later I was told in a very short phone call that she had died. I didn’t have a chance to register my distress at the news or offer my condolences to the friend who rang me. Nobody understands my shock and sadness. After all I only knew her for a year.

Every time I go to the shops I see things I think she would like and places that we went to and the shock hits me again.
I haven’t yet been told when the funeral will be.

I’m sorry for pouring my heart out like this. It is the first time I have spoken about it to anyone.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this difficult time grannyactivist.

Perhaps individual loss just can't be conveyed to others as their experience will be different. It's a bit like trying to say 'my loss is greater than yours' or 'my pain is greater than yours' but how can we know how deep others feel or why?

Some people really get stuck in the agony of grief and pain whereas others manage it in different ways. It is tricky dealing with loss of any kind. I particularly love the way this very short clip shows us how to respond to people who are grieving.

www.refugeingrief.com/2018/07/19/help-a-friend-video/

I'm sorry for your loss. I do agree about the loss of a friend as one of my oldest friends died recently. We were very close as children and teens but did not see each other much as adults. I have cried more over her loss than family members, I even cried at the service which I managed not to do when my husband died.
I did get sympathy from a couple of people but others really did not understand.