The loneliness on losing a partner

absolutely the same for me June. I was very busy for three years, made myself busy, then all of a sudden everything was done and I was ready for the house move, which has still not happened. Surrounded by boxes, christmas this year was when that awful gut-wrenching loneliness happened. The families need their space, I just needed someone to be here and share a cup of tea with on a daily basis. It was a long christmas and the first time I have ever felt so low

The loneliness never goes away, ever and as the years go by it gets worse and not better. It's only those in this situation that can acknowledge this feeling especially in later life.
So far as I'm ( personally ) concerned, nobody and nothing can ever fill that void no matter how much water has gone under the bridge it still remains.

So many sad posts here, warmest wishes to you all. My mother was a widow for 20 years and she always said life was never the same, she never wanted to replace my father, he was the love of her life. I always felt she died to be with him when us children were finally established in the world.

I was thinking about grief this morning and how much I would miss my DH if he died. Some people go through life almost untouched by death but others, I'm one, have seen too much death amongst family and friends. I wonder if that nub of pain inside ever goes. It feels to me like a kind of loneliness that is there even if you like your own company.

I have found Cruse helpful and also the local Death Cafe which meets locally. Comfort and warm thoughts to all.

To anyone struggling with life after the loss of a loved one can I draw their attention to a website called What's Your Grief....it has been an invaluable resource for me.
I would love to hear from anyone who might be interested in setting up a pen pal system for us oldies on our own....I know letter writing is "old hat" but it could be really helpful and supportive...especially for the housebound or those of us in rural areas!
Grief never leaves us...we just slowly become better at living with it. Take care.

tanith

tanith thinking of you

I have been reading this thread and want to add my sympathy to all the lonely people who have lost their loved ones.
My DM was a widow for 50 years. She said you never get over the loss but you change as a person and find ways of coping including dealing with crass, stupid people.
I noticed that the knitting and nattering group I go to includes 3 widows and 3 who care for sick partners. It is quite a lifeline.

You didn’t miss anything kittylester as I’ve not posted anything related to our journey through a terrible time. Thanks for caring all of you .

Thank you ladies, I read the whole thread through in the early hours and I know I’m not alone in this journey just taking it a day at a time and keeping myself busy with all the nonsense that needs dealing with at this time.

I too am very saddened to hesr this Tanith.

Oh tanith. I’m so sorry. .

Tanith, I'm sorry if I've missed your post but I'm sorry to hear that. Sending you love and hugs.

Newly widowed and I am overcome with sadness

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to all - stay strong. There is no-one who can really understand your loss, however hard they try. I hope that the mutual support on this thread is helping.

Lovely photo Maw

Sunday lunchtime and Mike and I would have been driving out to a country pub for a drink. Miss him so much........

Maw, what a lovely photo. Paw looks such a lovely man.
The nearest have come to complete despair was when my mother died quite suddenly in her sleep at a relatively young age. I just couldn't believe she wasn't there anymore and even 32 years (yes it's that long ago!) later I still miss her, her sympathetic chats over my ups and downs real and imaginary! her ability to make me laugh, her devotion and loyalty to me all my life. (The conservative ladies!!!!) My stepfather died 8 months later from cancer, but we were sure it was a broken heart. I surely do miss those two!

Oh Annie, I'm so sorry to read your sad post as I am other peoples, and I wish I could help. I know I've been lucky and blessed over the years with DH. We are now Darby and Joan (!) after 54 years, happy and content with our fast approaching decrepitude! and although we have had two bouts of Prostate Cancer to face up to, for the moment the outlook is positive. Can I share.

' The day that we got married they told us we were one,
But no one told us what to do when half of one is gone,
You were the other half of me, a heart linked with my own,
What do I do with half a life now I am alone.'

So many sad and also lovely posts here from people who are grieving their partners. We all carry on because we have no choice but the missing of a loved one never goes. I sometimes sit and look at my husbands laughing photo and remember the happy, good times that we had for nearly 60 yrs. I am so grateful for those years that we spent together when I was so loved and thankful for the family that we had together. No matter how much others love you it is not the same as being given a big hug and told every day 'I love you' by that special person who chose to spend his life with you. I have to feel thankful now that he is no longer suffering and put my feelings to the side. Not easy but I try.