Funeral up coming holiday

You can go o a holiday at anytime, you can only go to your sister in law’s funeral once. I think perhaps she and her family deserve that respect.

My husband died in May,he had been in a care home,and not well for some time.I have a son and daughter from my 1st marriage.My daughter and her husband had a 2 and a half week holiday planned,my daughter did offer to cancel ,I told her not to,she looked into it anyway,and they would have lost a lot of money.My son and his family were going away just for a few days within that time.When I went to the funeral home,they arranged the funeral for 3 weeks after my husband had passed away,they said they are often that length of time anyway.So,my family were back to support me,it wasn't a problem.Have your holiday if you can.

We went to see her today. My DH family are not close. Sadly she cannot speak now and cannot walk although she can understand what is said and my BIL can understand her response to questions by vague movements. We went today to show support for him. We only see my DH family twice a year Christmas and Easter. Although she has been battling cancer for the past three years she has led a fairly normal life up until May this year when she took a downturn and a rapid decline in the last couple of weeks.

Difficult one for you, but if it was me I would book my holiday and go, you are not going on a long holiday and as other posts have said funeral dates can be managed. We were booked for NZ for 2 months when my mil became ill but after a discussion we went and she died 14 months later when we were home.

My son and family on holiday when my husband died last year; 1st day of second week.he was ill but not expected that quick. I said stay nothing they could do and had family and friends supporting me. Be there in the months afterwards that is when support is most needed.

When my mother died I was in California and my niece lives in Barbados so my sister delayed the funeral until we could attend. Often these days funerals cannot be held for a couple of weeks or more because the undertakers are booked up.
Your sister in law may last longer and you will have cancelled for nothing. Any way if you have travel insurance you will be able to return.

If you stay, will you be visiting your family to give them support if you SIL is still alive? You can offer support via a phone or video phone from almost anywhere so if you wouldn't be visiting, where is the difference to what you would do if you were home?
If I wasn't a frequent visitor I would still go on holiday, ensuring I left full contact details behind, and knowing that I might have to return early for the funeral.
If I was a frequent visitor, I would probably delay my holiday until it was a more opportune time to go.
Finally, what does your DH think? It is up to him to make that decision as it is his family. He will presumably know how much upset it would cause if you went away.
When my DB died a couple of years ago, I had a holiday booked and I still intended to go unless it clashed with the funeral. I was going away for the first time in a long time with a group of school friends and it was an opportunity which was unlikely to come up again for a long time, if at all. Unfortunately the funeral was right in the middle of it so I didn't go. Although I am a strong believer that life is for the living and I knew my DB would have understood, I would not have felt right going whilst the rest of my family were all together grieving.
My cousin went ahead with her holiday and missed the funeral of her mother. We could all see why she felt able to do that but it did make us all gasp when we were told.

It's extremely difficult and I feel sorry for you but only you can answer the question. I'm sure that in your heart of hearts you know what you are going to do and want/need reassurance for your chosen path. There's no right or wrong solution, you must do what you feel is right for you.

We just arranged my parents funeral round everyone,meant waiting 3weeks but nobody minded and everyone could get there,I would say discuss it with him and ask if it does happen could they arrange a date outside of your holidays.

they should be able to organise the funeral on a date when you are there. We had a similar problem when my mum died as two of her
granddaughters were abroad with work . We chose the soonest date when they could both be there for the funeral.

The poor soul.. that's all.

How much time are you spending with her NOW?

I would go - there is often a delay in organising funerals, especially if the crematorium is involved. As you say, you have no idea when she is ill die and you sound if you need a break.

In fact it is quite probable that should you be away the week of her death or the week after, your brother in law will insist you stay on holiday and would book the funeral for after you get back. All I am saying is that IF the funeral does go ahead when you would be away then you probably do have to cancel, or risk family rifts.

Could they not hold the funeral till you get back? It is only a week after all. However, I suspect you wouldn’t really enjoy the holiday in any case.

I would go - there is often a delay in organising funerals, especially if the crematorium is involved. As you say, you have no idea when she is ill die and you sound if you need a break.

We are already halfway through October, around here even if your SIL died next week it is unlikely you would have the funeral until the week after you got back. So its just a question of if you are needed here to care for everybody. Having cancelled one holiday I would chat this over with the family and see what they feel.

Funerals are usually anything between 2 and half and four weeks after the death in England so if she lives only a couple of weeks you would be back in time for the funeral. It is a different issue if your DH wants to be around to support his brother.

If your holiday is very short, it is likely that the funeral would be after your return. Most funerals seem to be about 3 weeks after the death.

i wouldnt cancel, to me, funerals are meaningless, i think that if you spend time and do what you can for your sister in law while she is around it is much more important, no good when shes gone

When my father died we arranged his funeral for a date that allowed one of my brothers to still go on a trip to Japan. It simply meant arranging it for a week later than the first possible date. Unless there are religious reasons I do not see a slight delay as a problem. I did not tell anyone outside the family the reason for the date selected and these days it often takes time before the body is released because an autopsy will probably be required.

It seems to me that it might depend on where you planned to go. Is your proposed holiday in the UK? If so, then perhaps it would be simple to cut your holiday short if needed? Obviously things would be different if you're flying overseas.

No I would not cancel , this may seem harsh but you deserve a break after already cancelled one , spend all the time you can now with her and supporting the family that's needed now , also you will be able to continue to support on your return , its the old saying ,"don't bring nice flowers and messages to my funeral, do it now whilst I am alive to see and hear them ,", good luck with your decision .

Grandad would HAVE understood.

I often do funerals. Funeral directors do their utmost to ensure those who want to be there can be. They work around holidays and work diaries... as do priests. You probably really need your break... ask the family to just not have that particular week. Our own family has had lots of bereavement lately and generally people are okay with working around other things. Be kind to yourself as well as others. Xx