Funeral up coming holiday

Could you go on holiday knowing the situation?
Alternately go on holiday but be prepared to return should it be necessary.

Yes you are understandably worrying. We can’t control events but when we have made decisions we feel less stressed. So I would carry on with the holiday plan and if she should die during or just before the holiday cancel it. Or maybe the funeral can be arranged accordingly. When my mum died my daughter was just about to India on holiday and my mums funeral was postponed three weeks till she got back. When my ex partner died I visited him, flew on off on planned holiday and flew back for funeral a week later.
Life is a bugger.
Funerals unlike holidays are not repeatable. So sorry to hear of your sister in laws illness.

There are variables to be taken into consideration.
How close are the 2 families?
How many others are there to support the bereaved family?
Could it cause a rift between the brothers or between the cousins?
Is you BiL up to organising without the help of his brother? (Will he be so busy supporting his own children to cope himself?)
How big is the family contingent likely to be? Will your absence be missed?
There seems to be a longer time between death and funeral these days. It used to be a week/ten days. Now it seems to be up to a month

Perhaps ask your sister in law her thoughts?

I'm sorry you have this worry, though if you're only going to be away for a week, the dilemma might not arise. I know some religions require the funeral to take place very quickly, but otherwise they do often take place some time later.
My mother, who was 97 and had advanced dementia, went downhill very suddenly and died about a week before the entire family was going to be away for a big family wedding in France - we were all staying away for at least a week.

It would not have been possible anyway because of availability at the crematorium to have her funeral before we all left, so it was delayed until we were all back.

Similarly, a friend whose husband died, had two sons from a former marriage living abroad, one in Europe, one in SE Asia. She wanted them there for the funeral, but for various reasons they could not get away very soon, so again the funeral was delayed for about a fortnight.

Carly we had our return fares paid back by the insurer when my father died but we did have to produce a Drs. letter. This was to prove that we didn’t know he was ill when we booked.
The bottom line in this dilemma is the family dynamics. We are a close family that are very supportive of each other. If we hadn’t decided to come back for the funeral our family would have been fine about it.
That may be the same in this case but, as many have said, if it is going to cause upset and family division then stay at home.

If I was close to her I would want to attend her funeral without a doubt and to show moral support to the immediate family. We have had to arrange two funerals for close family, on both times the funeral directors asked us for preferred dates....and we were then given choices within several dates from their diary.
If your holiday is in the UK you could possibly still have some of the holiday if the funeral falls within that week, if the distance involved isn't too far away. Think how you might feel afterwards if you don,t attend, you can,t turn back the clock.

My sister died on the 28th of February and her funeral was on the 20th of April. The reason that it was delayed so long was, 1, The police officer who found her body went on annual leave the next day for two weeks and the coroners officer could not complete his inquiries. 2. My sisters son and daughter in law were on tour with a band on the other side of the world and could not be contacted for over a week. 3, the funeral director said there was a ‘back log’ of jobs so there would be a delay of a week or so to book the funeral with the crematorium . Therefore Overthehill, I would say when the person makes arrangements for the funeral they can request it when they know that all relatives will be able to attend.

If it's a very short break the chances of the funeral being booked for that week are not massive.
I'd aim to take the holiday but check last minute cancellation policies and practicalities - and keep in close touch right up to the day.

I would wait and see, unless by cancelling now you can be refunded or can rearrange. My mother cancelled a cruise she and my father had booked because her sister was gravely ill. She, rallied, then died three months later, long after the date of the cruise. I think my mother could have benefitted from a holiday away for a week during that difficult time, since my aunt had close family to support her and each other. My parents lived some distance away and visited once a week, a seven hour round trip. It was hard on my elderly father as the driver. If your brother in law needs you at this time that would be something else to consider, but if he has close family support then I think you should have your short break.

I agree with MOnica, go on your Holiday, depends where you are in the country Funerals can take place 2/3 weeks after the death.

When my DF died a few days before Christmas (many years ago) my DM waited until I & my OH could be there. Only another day or so but we'd had to wait over Christmas it didn't matter.

It is a very personal choice depending on your/DH's relationship with family. Your SiL has 2 DD also so is not alone. Sorry not much help

My dad died 2 days before we were booked ( with our 2 children) to go on holiday. We went the day after the funeral and so had 4 days away. My dad would have been horrified if his granddaughters has missed all their holiday because of him. That was in 1982 and I still miss him

We had just this issue in our family. My grandmother died and her son went on holiday three days after. For six weeks. My mother was supported by her other family, including me. She refused to have the funeral until he returned. But eight years later, it still rankles. Especially since he then suggested that we have the funeral on a specific day, since he had to go to work. It was my birthday. I was not amused.

Do you have travel insurance? If so, then if your sister in law dies at a time that clashes with the holiday, you should be able to cancel and claim your money back.

However, are you really going to be able to look forward to your holiday with this hanging over you? I think in your shoes, I'd cancel now, and then re-book something when it's all over, but that's just me. It all depends on how close you are and how your husband feels about being there for his brother.

Do you have holiday insurance? We had to cancel a very expensive holiday when my Mum fell unexpectedly ill (she died a few months later) but we got almost all the money back (and now it's always the first thing we buy as soon as we book a holiday). I honestly don't think you should go ahead with the holiday if this would clash with the funeral date - this is the sort of thing that can trigger a SERIOUS family rift, the repercussions of which can echo on for decades. Personally, I wouldn't take that risk for one holiday.

This is a horrible situation and I feel for you.

I just wonder if you would really enjoy your holiday, should you decide to go? Your sister-in-law could die before or during your trip and you will feel wretched whatever your decision.

I do know of an unmarried but close couple - not living together but an 'item' - and the man went away when the woman was dying, three days before, in fact when she was extremely ill. He didn't even return for the funeral (a 2.5 hour flight). The point I am making is that everyone we know was disgusted by this man's actions and still have not really forgiven him almost a year later.

This is a really tough decision and I don't envy you but overall, I would (do you have travel insurance? I know it will still probably cost a hundred or two in excesses but it all helps) probably cancel. I doubt you would enjoy your trip should you go.

As has been said what would you expect/feel if it was the other way round ? Also think how you will feel in a year’s time. Yes, you need a break but you can have that later. Families are important and this is one occasion when that family strength comes to the fore and is needed, in no matter what small way.

But the woman hasn’t even died yet she may linger for weeks with you hovering and waiting
Again it really depends where you are going if you’re off to China for a month maybe best to cancel if it’s cornwell for a week go it’s not at all disrespectful to have a long planned holiday if I was the dying woman I d hate to think everybody had been put out because of my timing
I bet you ll go and be back long before she dies enjoy your holiday you ll be there when needed I m sure

I would talk to your brother-in-law and ask him if he would prefer you to cancel the trip.

Whilst you can't be expected to put your life completely on hold, you don't want some festering resentment to be caused because you went away and couldn't get back to support him.

I would cancel, as a mark of respect.
There will be other holidays, and you've said this was just to be a little break.

Cancel without a doubt - your DH’s brother will need your DH’s support and honestly I’d you go away and your sister-in-law is still alive will you e neither yourself worrying about whether you have to come back? You know she is terminal so our your holiday on hold.

I think you should cancel. You may not get your money back, but if you book through a travel agent they might be prepared to rearrange for a different date for a small fee.

Talk to the family, voice your worries and mention the holiday dates in advance.

This was recently an issue in my family when my grandson missed his Grandads funeral because of a long planned holiday.
I told him to please go ahead with his trip as Grandad would of understood and I was happy to give him my blessing, although one of his brothers was furious. We delayed the funeral for a few days to allow another brother time to complete a holiday and return in time.

I guess it depends how close you were to them and if there is plenty of support if you aren’t there, I had plenty of other family to get me through thank goodness.

I agree with MOnica. Dates are generally very flexible.I don't see a big problem here.