Funeral up coming holiday

I'm really glad it worked out for you overthehill and hope your BIL can take some comfort that his DW is no longer suffering.
I hope you have a good holiday.

Thank you for updating us overthehill. I'm sorry for the loss of your sister in law but as you say, a blessed relief also as in so many cases. I hope you and your husband are able to relax a bit during your well deserved break and wish you all well for the funeral on your return.

So pleased it’s sorted to everyone’s agreement I think your sister in law would not have wanted you to sit around waiting, I wouldn’t
Poor soul no more suffering
I hope the funeral is to everyone’s comfort
Best of luck overthehill

I am back on here to thank you all again for your suggestions. My SIL died Monday......a blessed relief for my BIL I'm sure as he watched her decline over the past 6 months right up to the end where she died at home with him. I don't know how he coped but he did.

As people on here suggested we asked if at all possible, could the funeral be arranged avoiding the dates when we're not around. Bless him he did that it's fixed for the 12th November.

You don't need to explain yourself at all overthehill.

We just don't know and even if someone is terminally ill as your poor sister-in-law is, the time is often indeterminable.

It’s a difficult one. My granny had been ill with dementia for a few years and died while we were on holiday to Cornwall. She lived in Scotland. Our family (mum, aunties, etc) told us not to come home, just to send some flowers if we wanted to. As they said, she wouldn’t know. So we decided to stay. My eldest sister accompanied my mum to the funeral. The day after the funeral, we got another phone call, this time to say my mum had had a massive heart attack in her sleep and died. We just threw everything into the car, gathered up the kids and raced home, dropped the kids off with their other granny and carried on up to Scotland. I felt sorry for my auntie, losing her mum and sister within a couple of days must have been hard. I know I was devastated!

overthehill, I'm glad that GN has helped you make a decision. I don't think you need to explain yourself and you certainly aren't coldhearted at all. I hope you have a lovely holiday.

Thank you Jalima1108 & PamelaJ1.

I know to some on here I come across as cold hearted, but this isn't my sister which would be different (in fact I am an only so no brothers or sisters ) she is my husband's
brother's wife. I am fond of her and we went to see them both yesterday which was dreadful to see as you can imagine. However, we live 50 miles away, so support will be limited to phone calls and occasional visits. We would see them both 2 days a year under normal circumstances Christmas and Easter. In fact we only learnt how sick she was around 3 weeks ago when her daughter contacted me via email despite the fact she had taken a turn for the worse in May. We rang my BIL next day and he told us they were off on a cruise which was booked when she was ok. He came back recently and we heard she went down hill fast after about 4 days.

That is the situation thus far, so I think maybe people on here who are very close to their family members find my story hard to appreciate. My own family, 2 adult children and grandchildren is an entirely different demographic and God forbid anything happened to one if them I wouldn't be going anywhere.

Hope that puts it into perspective.

So do I overthehill.
I hope you enjoy the holiday.
If the need arises I’m sure you could get back.

I think you are doing the right thing, sounds sensible overthehill. You can do as much as you can for the family - well as much as they wish you to, as they may want to deal with this privately - before you go and after you return. Supporting them at the funeral and afterwards will be the best thing you can do.

Well thanks for everyone's input, I put it on here to get just that. After hearing all your views I think the following: The holiday is not abroad but in this country, but a coach trip right up north so it would be difficult to travel back. It's already booked before we were aware how sick she was so we will still go if she is still with us. Should she die before we go will ask BIL if it is possible to arrange funeral when we are around or failing that we will cancel. Should she sadly die during our holiday we would continue the holiday because we couldn't do anything anyway.

Should she die sooner and the funeral were to be in that week should we cancel our hoilday?
In that case yes, of course, but at the moment you do not know. Some very sick people do rally and a prognosis is just that, a forecast and not absolute.

How close are you and what do you think she herself would have wanted you to do?
I think you could phone the travel company and/or insurers and explain the situation, they may be sympathetic.

You said it was 'a little holiday - intimating that this is not the vacation of a lifetime. Family come first - and a sister is close family. So of course you would attend the funeral to support your other family. No brainer imho.

My father in law died when my brother and sister in law were on holiday. We obviously phoned them and told them, but told him to hold tight whilst we went to the undertakers. As it happened the earliest we could actually have the funeral was virtually 3 weeks after he had died. I think you should go, and be prepared to fly back if necessary. Just say your goodbyes before you go and let your brother in law know that you are only a phone call away

I agree with Maryeve that some of the comments on here sound like the poor SIL’s death is an inconvenience. The way some people have responded - you’d think it was the dog or cat rather than a very ill, close family member.

I would definitely cancel. If I just went ahead and she died while I was away, I couldn’t enjoy myself anyway and all my thoughts would be with the family.
On another note, I’m amazed at the way funerals in England take place such a long time after a death. Is there any particular reason for that? Seems like a very long drawn out process for the family. Here in Northern Ireland our dead are buried within three or four days.

Jallima1108.....Just think its so sad that poor lady dying and her husband must be in bits ..they both need every little bit of support they can get...before during and after the funeral.Its family and many are commenting as though its an inconvenience that poor lady dying...god forbid you ruin your holiday because of it. I give up bye bye gransnet.

What is overthehill supposed to do maryeve? Her DH's brother knows they are supporting him; he has family who will be there for him and his very sick wife. Presumably overthehill would not be there on a daily basis so a week away will not make a jot of difference and they can keep in touch daily, although they may not be enjoying themselves very much.

It's not disrespectful at all - I am sure they will be there at the funeral and afterwards when he will need most support.

I agree Pat1949....I really can't believe this...holiday or funeral...excuse me family is dying how sad last thing on my mind would be holiday enjoying myself going away would seem so disrespectful.I lost my husband 2 years ago family and friends cancelled all plans to be at his funeral because they all loved him.

My gran, who I was very close to, died a couple of days before our short break. We went ahead with the holiday, although we had to come back a day early for the funeral. It was such a miserable holiday, i would never, ever do it again.

It's now pretty much mid-October. Maybe your SIL won't die until December or beyond. You never quite know.

If I were in your shoes, I'd wait and see for the next week. If she dies, cancel the holiday. If she doesn't die, perhaps go on the holiday but be prepared to return.

Whenever the poor lady dies, the funeral won't be for a week or two.

Depends on how close you are to BIL and SIL perhaps.

If it's really worrying you, cancel the holiday now.

This is simple. Three plus years ago my husband died in August. Several close family members including my daughter and her family were about to go on holiday abroad. So we just put the funeral on hold for a month and actually I appreciated the time I had to arrange just what I wanted. I have also known a family that followed our example because of ill health and a dear friend who delayed the funeral of her teenage son because she was so distraught, he had committed suicide and was cremated a year later when she felt more able to cope.

Personally, if I were the person dying I would rather you went on holiday and enjoyed actual life, rather than putting in on hold in case I died. The funeral is just one aspect of the loss for her partner. Being there for him in the months and years afterwards is more important.

If the worst should happen, I'm sure the funeral could be arrange to take place outside this one week window that you're away. It's not as though you're away for six weeks.

The problems with a prognosis is that it is not definite.

Are you insured overthehill - and would your insurance cover cancellation in the event of a sister-in-law's death or not?
Those are the practicalities.

I am sorry to hear about this. If your DB has family close by they will be supporting him and if you are away for a week or so that could be understandable if you had already booked.
However, we just delayed booking a holiday because a close friend lost his wife and we were waiting for quite a while to know when the funeral was.
We also had to cancel a long-haul flight because MIL died unexpectedly - however, the insurance did cover the cost eventually.

If this should happen whilst you are away, the arrangements will not happen so quickly that you will not be back in time for the funeral.