Gransnet forums

Bereavement

Doom and Gloom

(49 Posts)
debohunXL5 Mon 24-Dec-18 21:05:37

I was going to write about what an awful time I am having but instead I am just going to say I am thinking of all of you that have lost someone no matter what time of year it was. Christmas is always special and although many of us dread it without our loved ones try and think about the good memories we had with them at this time of year. Merry Christmas to all. Feel the love. flowers

MawBroon Mon 24-Dec-18 21:20:48

Let’s not call this doom and gloom though.
I have spent much of today in tears - too many reminders of how things used to be - but I know there are many out there coping with sadness and worry with massive courage and I will not give in to my backward looking sadness, but take comfort from the fact that life is for living and love is for loving.
(But don’t ask me to listen to carols or, I’m afraid, go to church this Christmas)

Anniebach Mon 24-Dec-18 21:23:54

Maw x

tanith Mon 24-Dec-18 21:29:33

flowers

Marydoll Mon 24-Dec-18 21:32:49

For all those suffering tonight. God Bless. flowers

Grammaretto Mon 24-Dec-18 21:34:44

Truly. Thinking of you and absent friends. Xxx

oldbatty Mon 24-Dec-18 22:51:17

Rough time ,so sorry

Bathsheba Mon 24-Dec-18 23:22:30

Maw flowers.

And flowers for all of you who are suffering loss or worry this Christmas xx

LadyLucan Tue 25-Dec-18 08:33:05

I can totally relate xx thinking of you xx

grannygranby Tue 25-Dec-18 08:44:03

I found this year much more cop-able by thinking of the festivities as a symbol of keeping away the dark, dread of long nights, of enjoying lovely food and pretty lights. A bit pagan and ancient. I avoided the carols from Kings; Accepted that the grandchildren will be absolutely fine without me. The dogs hate having their new mudbuster onesies put on but then get so much attention and gorgeously funny and lovable. Weather beautiful, people kind and we will go on the best we can. Hope goodness and strength to all Cx

Skweek1 Tue 25-Dec-18 08:48:03

Blessed be, everyone. This has not been a good year for me, ending with DWP telling us 3 weeks ago that they are stopping our ESA, so now expected to pay our rent and council tax in full on virtually nothing. Don't know where to start, but refuse to let it worry us until the new year. Have a great Christmas and New Year and hope those currently sad, worried or lonely find joy and support. flowerswinesunshinetchsmile

grannytotwins Tue 25-Dec-18 08:48:32

Maw 💐
Also thinking of a dear friend facing her first Christmas as an unexpected widow, my daughter’s friend suddenly a widow in her thirties with three small children including a baby and my daughter’s other best friend whose long term boyfriend died at 31 of heart disease this year. I woke up this morning so grateful that my DH was next to me and savouring the moment, because like the three friends mentioned above life can be full of twists and turns. I still shed a tear for my parents today as I’m sure many of you do.

Patticake123 Tue 25-Dec-18 08:53:56

May the true meaning of Christmas, peace and love, be a gift to everyone today of all days.

Anniebach Tue 25-Dec-18 08:58:13

Grief is the price we pay for love.

Nanny123 Tue 25-Dec-18 09:00:18

Just before reading your post I have just sent my brother an email. He lost his wife 2 years ago and she was only 55 - and I have two friends that both lost their mum the the past 2 weeks so going to be tough for them this year. I lost my mum some years ago at Christmas time. But as the years go on the pain gets less and the more you remember the good times throughout the years.

MadeInYorkshire Tue 25-Dec-18 09:02:46

Skweek1 That doesn't sound right? I have just photocopied about 400 pages for my ESA claim and spent nearly £9 sending it Special Delivery as they still only gave me around 3 weeks to fill it in, only to find that (after I had sent it mind) their online form hasn't printed out half the info on it that I had entered!!!

Even if you do not get the ESA, (is that an age thing?) you should still be entitled to fill in a 'nil income form' with your local Council which should sort out the rent side of things? I advise you go to your local CAB as they can help you with what you are entitled to as the DWP certainly won't!

As they probably close over the Christmas period there is also a website into which you can enter your own figures which should be able to give you a bit of an idea ....

www.entitledto.co.uk

Try not to worry too much and enjoy what you can, you will be entitled to something I am sure xx

pensionpat Tue 25-Dec-18 09:05:36

Skweek1. Immediately after Boxing Day go to the Council office and ask for a nil income claim form. You will be able to reinstate your Housing/Council Tax Benefit. Not many officials will tell you about this.

debohunXL5 Tue 25-Dec-18 09:07:44

Sorry about the doom and gloom bit MawBroom. I should have changed the title when I changed my mind about what I was going to write. Thanks everyone for all your responses. I know the saying is 'time heals' but for my personal experiences time has intensified the hurt and the grief. Still this is a time to celebrate and I;m not going to go on all maudling. Have a wonderful day everyone tchsmile

sodapop Tue 25-Dec-18 09:12:19

As Bathsheba said, Wishing peace and comfort for all those who grieve or are worried about the future. thanks

Fennel Tue 25-Dec-18 09:21:21

Thinking of you Maw and others who have lost someone they love this year flowers.
Sometimes I wonder if we're meant to hibernate during these short dark winter days, like some animals?

Anniebach Tue 25-Dec-18 09:23:33

When your child is born it leaves your womb and is wrapped in your arms, the pain is forgotten

When your child dies, it leaves your arms and the pain starts.

This is life and death

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 25-Dec-18 09:59:35

Life is a mixture of sadness and joy, good and bad. I choose to think of the good times and happy hopes for the future.

starbox Tue 25-Dec-18 10:20:12

Thinking of all those feeling sad xxx I suppose many would say I'm lucky...got to see kids/ grandkids over last few days and no bereavements. But as I sit here with a seriously strange husband who's pretty much not spoken to me for last week (over literally NOTHING), who makes huffy, offended, snide responses to any bright, stilted comments I try to make to alleviate the gloom, who blames me for EVERYTHING, CONSTANTLY...just wanted to say that I sit here with a stone of despondency weighing me down. And everything's shut, everyone's busy, the golf's not on (one way to get rid for a few hours)...eek, thank heavens for bed and a good book! Soon be over, folks xxxxxx

Barmeyoldbat Tue 25-Dec-18 10:33:10

So sorry Maw, have a hug from me.

Marilla Tue 25-Dec-18 10:49:48

Oh Starbox,
I know exactly what you mean. Very trying and mentally exhausting. As you say, it will soon be over.