no, it's definitely not a form of madness.
It's a ruddy great hole in your life where someone you loved beyond life itself used to live, and it doesn't matter what you do in an attempt to fill that hole, it refuses to budge.
My husband died in 2003, aged 45 - he had a massive heart attack whilst driving home. By time the paramedics arrived it was too late - they couldn't restart him, despite their best efforts. For months after Tony died, I slept with the shirt the ambulance crew cut away in their attempts to save him. In my bed, in the dark, I could pretend he was there with me, as I cried and smelled the gradually fading aftershave he wore....
For six months, life was a thick fog in which I simply functioned on a day to day basis. And that was it. Matters weren't helped by his family, who shut me out (I'm a second wife and as such, didn't count, apparently). His mother actually told me that the family knew he didn't love me and it was a matter of time before he returned to his first wife. I will be honest and say that suicide was a viable option at that point.
Workmates thought Tony's death was on a par to losing a pet gerbil, and after six months, I really should have been getting over it - really?!
Nearly sixteen years on, the absolute numbness and sheer physical pain (yes, bereavement hurts) of my loss has receded somewhat, and now I can smile when I see photographs of him, as opposed to dissolving into a complete mess.
Life has since taken a direction that was never planned as a couple, but is one in which I have found some peace. Suffice to say, the toxic family members are no longer a part of that.
Personally, I would not join any widow's groups - I found it was not helpful to sit with women who talked about their deceased husbands every time we met, thereby exacerbating loss. Talking to a bereavement counsellor wasn't helpful either, as it didn't help with moving on.
If you're not working, you may find voluntary roles helpful. Keep busy. Fill your days. Remember your husband for the man he clearly was (and he was, for you to love him so deeply and so much). One day, you WILL start to feel something you recognise as peace - a coming to terms with your loss. But don't put a timescale on it. One day at a time...………