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Grief feels like a form of madness

(87 Posts)
purplepatch Fri 01-Feb-19 15:11:40

My DH died two months ago. We had been married over 52 years.

I am experiencing all the 'usual' emotions e.g.
Can't believe I will never see him again
How can the world go on without him in it
Breaking down when the smallest thing hits me from left field
Regret for things I might have done better
and so on....
But something I have experienced three times since his death has really sidelined me. For no reason, and at no particular time or place I get this strange sensation that he has never existed, that the last 52 years didn't happen, that it was all my imagination. Presumably it is some sort of protective mechanism but it doesn't feel that way. It makes me feel distraught.

Can I ask - has anyone else experienced this sort of feeling or is grief a form of temporary madness?

craftyone Sun 07-Apr-19 12:22:27

It is very early days, grief has several different stages and there is no time factor. I became a widow 4 years ago and have spent the whole time being busy, it is how I cope. I think I have reached the acceptance stage, I hope I have but memories are fading, even the 45 years as a married couple. It is a strange, it feels strange

I talk to my husband a lot and I never mis-place or lose things any more. I ask and then I just go straight to the object, did it again this morning. The white feathers kept me going, they appeared when I needed them, even indoors. I talk aloud in my house, not to myself but because I believe he is somewhere, listening and yes he approves of the stuff I have downsized, the fact that I am moving

purplepatch Sun 07-Apr-19 13:50:38

Thanks again everyone - so kind. My thoughts are with you all. We are not alone are we while we can share?

lmm6 Again, thanks for your suggestions. The poem was written only a month after DH's death. I am now 4+ months down the road. I talk to him and his photo, all the time. The memorial is sorted - a tree and a seat in a special place. As for his hobbies, the equipment he used I have donated to a club in his memory, which I know he would have wanted: and I am in the process of choosing a new volunteer role that reflects his interests (conservation) as well as mine. I just need first to recover some physical stamina that has been drained by many years of caring.

Personally I don't think that being able to express strong emotions means that you are necessarily in complicated grief. For me it means only that I find it preferable to bottling things up or over-using displacement techniques (though I do that sometimes, as I imagine most of us do). smile

Dillyduck Sun 28-Apr-19 13:35:57

I was widowed in 2006. Madness just about sums it up, but I promise it's just your brain trying to adjust to a new life. Have you hear of "Way Up" a forum for widows and widowers. You'll see that your feelings are completely normal. They also arrange meals out, and holidays etc. I'd recommend a holiday planned for next year. I stay at the Mistral Hotel, in Maleme, Crete, single people only. It's a great place, I smiled and laughed for the first time there, fabulous food, spotlessly clean, and you can do as much or as little as you want. Lost count of how many times I've stayed since. You will make new friends.

AnnieMorris30 Fri 09-Aug-19 10:42:48

I’m hurting , everyone is kind , I think yes it’s form devastation and to much sadness to bear . It very resent , the funeral is just over . We are all so angry at life , maybe because it was so fast he was poorly for few weeks , and in hospital some of the time . But awaiting a stent , however developed a infection in hospital , one day later sepsis took him . He was very fit till then we had just returned from Montenegro . Only 74 and 54 years of marriage .

I v been with my daughter mostly , now I have to stay home , not just for a night . But forever with out him , I don’t know how’s I will manage . My daughter is only 10 miles away ,
And I have many friends near .
But the future without my soulmate terrifies me ..
One day at a time .

tanith Sat 10-Aug-19 11:30:22

Sorry to hear of your loss Annie it stays raw for a long time I’ve found. Coming home to an ever empty house is so hard.
As you say one day at a time.

fizzers Sat 10-Aug-19 12:11:31

My mother died at Christmas (2018) so it's reasonably fresh.

Some days grief and loss and sorrow hits me bad, and I cry it out of my system. Other days, it's as though she passed away years and years ago, or that she never existed.

I think this is some kind of inbuilt protection mechanism, as her last few months were particularly painful and harrowing to watch. Only my sister knew this as she wa going through the same kind of thing.

Just be kind to yourself and 'go with the flow' x

Norman1939 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:01:50

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issibon Mon 17-Feb-20 15:26:13

My wonderful husband died four years ago and I am still at a loss miss him so much .

Sark Wed 19-Feb-20 06:31:05

Issibon flowers
Sometimes four years can feel like a very long time and others no time at all

Mokell50 Thu 23-Jul-20 11:29:37

Only just joined gransnet and just been browsing the posts. I immediately came to this about bereavement as my husband died 2 ½ years ago and I feel as though it was only yesterday. Can empathise with most of you.
He was my second husband ( my first having died when I was 36 with 3 children) and we were married 20 years. I got on well with some of his children although some of them I felt held me at arms length. Since he died I’ve hardly seen them at all, and the grandchildren even less. We are just coming out of lockdown now but I feel as though I’ve been shut out of their lives for good.

Furret Thu 23-Jul-20 12:11:50

It is exactly like a kind of madness. The grief invades your thoughts, constantly- it is all that you can think about. Two months is not a long time. Big hugs xx