Funeral wishes

I lost my husband suddenly 21 years ago after he had a massive heart attack. I have to say that the Undertaker was lovely, it was a family firm and they were very kind at a time when I was devastated and in shock. I told them that he had said he wanted a plain coffin with no fuss and they showed me a selection of the basic range with no frills, just what he had said he wanted. I was never pushed to buy anything more expensive and, after the funeral, I had a note from the local hospital to say they had received a very generous donation from the undertaker (my husband didn't want flowers so I had asked for donations to the Cardiac ward instead). Not all undertakers are out for the money. I hope you manage to find a suitable funeral arrangement, it is often a very stressful time so take care of yourself

My friends mum left her body to science but they were rather shocked to find that the body was returned to them 6 months later for “ its final farewell”, best to check the small print .

Totally agree with TEATIME.This is what we did for my dad, no ceremony, buried his ashes in a family grave, then all had tea at mums.Very pleasant as far as funerals are concerned, no upset at all, just the way he wanted it, he hated family being upset, so this was the most unselfish thing to do.

Thank you for tips here. I'm another no formal service. I discovered one can approach the crematorium personally and book a slot for £500 ish. Now a cardboard coffin for £99. Great. Didn't know about the added unattended facility either. I want everyone to be informed of my demise once this has taken place. I have one C who reluctantly goes along with this and another is totally opposed. The idea of a celebratory party in due course may help this. I can but try. IMO funerals are such a rip off. If there's any money left I want it to go to my C and as little as possible to strangers no matter how 'kind' they are.

There was someone on mumsnet a while back who worked at a crematorium and I’m sure she said if it’s going to be cremated the coffin can’t have metal (brass?) handles, instead they have plastic ones coloured to look like brass or whatever.

The Coffin Company, I had a look at the site. Those coffins look great. The cardboard one is £99..... that'll do me

My boss died in January, after being in the local hospice.

He was adamant that he did not want a coffin (as a renowned furniture designer, the thought of over priced laminated chipboard was abhorrent to him!)

So, he had a shroud, a "proper" one, not just a "winding sheet" and not only was it cost effective, but looked beautiful with flowers on top arranged by the family.

It was what he wanted, and was approved for cremation, although I understand that they are very popular for "green" burials.

Pre dementia my DM was a very regular attendee at Mass so we had the full service with bells and smells at Church. Almost all her friends had already passed away but there was a good turnout from the congregation who remembered her in happier times. We buried her with Dad and I felt we'd given her the send off she would have wanted. On the other hand one of my friends is determined to leave her body to science - she's convinced they will open her up and say "how did she manage to live that long with a liver in that state?" She likes her gin!

Funerals btw are ecological disasters- varnishes which cause polution, woods from the rainforest, silk, etc...and individual cremations which consume a lot of energy and pollute too.

In my experience, the fancy handles, linings, etc- are often chosen due to hard pushing by some Funeral Directors- making relatives feel that it is required to honour and respect your 'dearly beloved' ...

and also family, neighbour, pressure and gossip. My mum was very clear- local pine, no varnish, cottong lining, and the cheapest most natural handles, and NO marble. Funeral Director was a bit miffed, but I insisted and said this is it. I found a natural chunk of local limestone and got a brass bird she had been given to thak her for services rendered- and had it fixed to the stone. You have to be firm with your wishes.

I think the point of prepaid funerals is that if you do it ' in time ', you can avoid inflation. My BiL's funeral last year had been 'bought' over twenty years ago, so was a fraction of the cost that it would be now.

Direct funeral for me no fuss at all . On the subject of wicker coffins I read somewhere recently that they tend to squeek as they are taken into the church . It reduced some people to hysterics .

I have attended far more funerals than I would have liked and the one thing I'm sure of is that they are for the living, not the dead.
coffincompany.co.uk/index.php?route=common/home

I have told my family that I want no funeral service at all. Just a cremation asap after my death. One company allows up to 12 people to attend but no service, music etc.
I would prefer my family and friends to have a meal in a nice place with an open bar, listen to my playlist, dance and maybe reminisce.
We don't have much money but what we leave I would like my children to share, not undertakers.
My sister died in hospital in Canada and when I got the call and asked my niece should I fly over she told me that her Mum was to be cremated that afternoon with no attendees. Her friends were arranging a get together for the following week.I was shocked at the time but have since come to realise that that is what I really want for myself.

Haven't had time to read all the responses so sorry if this has already been suggested: a lovely friend of ours had a plain buff-coloured (recycled?) cardboard coffin. I hadn't realized that they were even a "thing", but it was actually rather beautiful, with rope handles, and a spray of meadow flowers on the top. Apparently sometimes people write loving messages or draw pictures on these coffins using felt-tips. I decided straight away that cardboard will be my option, and have told my family.

As you said - I don't think folk notice the coffin at all.
People will remember any happy memories, funny stories, music your MiL liked that are shared at the funeral rather than the look of the coffin.
If you want to add something special at little cost, you can gather photos/poems/family memories to add to the printed order of service or display these at the catering venue - you can probably do this yourself or get a friend who has the skills without going to the expense of getting a commercial printer to do it. We put photos of my mum at various stages in her life with various friends and family on boards around the hall where the catering was and it was very well received.
I'm sure you'll give your MiL a lovely and sensitive send-off when the time comes, while still respecting her wishes.

I've had an ISA on-going for a while now which should well cover what's needed as I won't be going over the top either, pricewise. One of those recycled jobbies and a Streisand blast of " Second-hand Rose " at the crematorium because of my love of charity/antique shops should suffice, not a long drawn-out affair of Sermons and Psalms.

When you're old, it's an inevitability like tax,, but very much different for a young person.

I use to meet up with a group who made things out of wicker, I made a lovely dolls crib. Maybe, just maybe I could make a coffin. Could be my next project but I didn't know what the the neighbours will think. Anyway, my ex husband recently died and my son arranged his funeraL, an extremely simple one with the money being spent on paying for a large number of guests to stay at a lovely hotel for two days and enjoy (if that is the right word) a lovely dinner and party after his funeral. That was his wishes.

I've never really understood why some people think it important to have a really expensive coffin when it is only either going in the ground or burned to a cinder. I recently found out that there are very nice, inexpensive 'cardboard' coffins which is what I'll opt for when the time comes and let any money I leave be spent on something nicer by my family.

When my mother died it was just a few days before her wedding anniversary in March and my father was anxious to have the funeral before that date. Consequently it was put together at very short notice. My mother was a keen gardener and my sister and I raided our own gardens and hers to pick armfuls of daffodils which we scattered over the coffin rather than buying flowers or wreaths. I think she would have enjoyed our practical and pretty solution.

I was thinking of buying a cheap one and keeping it in the spare room I can get familiar with it see if it’s comfortable
That, is priceless.

BlueBelle
Your first comment gave me a real belly laugh ???

What I would like to add is - I think it is terribly cruel for parents not to write their funeral wishes down before they die. So many want to avoid thinking about their death and so leave all the decisions to bereft family members who struggle to make these decisions whilst grieving (I know how this feels) and also end up arguing amongst themselves, thus adding to the overall unhappiness. IMO everyone should write a Will and a Funeral Plan.

My FIL died at 92 and had donated his body to science, so there was no funeral as such BUT we did hold a Service of Remembrance for him (the church was packed to the rafters) and then had a "do" back at the house. It was lovely to hear so many stories about his life and I think gave all of us great comfort.

My MIL requested a wicker coffin and it was more expensive than a wooden one