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(9 Posts)
notoveryet Thu 04-Apr-19 21:07:45

I've been told its part of grieving but the strength of my anger toward my recently deceased husband has shaken me, I'm roaring at his photo because he refused the surgery that might have saved him ( to be fair it might also have left him a helpless invalid) I just don't know how to go on with this boiling resentment inside me.

Poppyred Thu 04-Apr-19 21:23:38

It’s part of the grieving process. Hang in there it will subside and things will get better but it all takes time. Sending best wishes xxxx

paddyann Thu 04-Apr-19 21:25:20

its normal ,so let it out .My late mother was angry with dad for a very long time....he left her..he promised he would never leave her ...he died before their 50th anniversary.How very selfish of him to die suddenly and leave her alone.We understood ,it was because he was her life,they had been together since school days .She was sure she would die first because she had multiplehealth issues so she had spent time teaching him to cook and use the washing machine etc.Things men of his era didn't do..well none we knew .She would laughingly tell him she's haunt him if he found another woman after she died.Then he did it first .It destroyed her
What you feel is what most do and you will get through it,its natural and I wish you peace before too long.I think once all the firsts were past my mum felt more settled but she refused to socialise with anyone except my sister and I and our families.It would have been good to see her happy again I hope you will be one day too.Take care of yourself ,be kind to yourself when you feel sad or angry or lost and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you when the time is right

rosecarmel Thu 04-Apr-19 21:27:31

I understand, sometimes the emotions can get very intense- It comes in waves-

EllanVannin Thu 04-Apr-19 21:35:52

It's very normal, believe you me. Give yourself time and you'll find that your grief will take on other feelings. The actual grieving period can take all of two years but is the natural process of this painful grieving. I wish you well x

Anniebach Thu 04-Apr-19 21:54:42

It will pass, I was angry with my husband for not being with me to comfort me - at his funeral.

notoveryet Thu 04-Apr-19 21:54:45

That's right rosecarmel it comes in the most awful uncontrollable waves. I frighten the dogs and myself and feel exhausted after.

BradfordLass72 Fri 05-Apr-19 07:58:36

You need to be angry notoveryet believe me.
How ever horrible it feels now, it's doing good work in your grieving process.

Why shouldn't you be angry? He's been taken and you didn't want that to happen.
He may or may not have benefited from the surgery but that's not really the true focus for you.
You didn't want to be left without him and who can blame you?

So as wise paddyann says, it's normal and it will pass and when it does you will see that it's not your beloved husband you were angry with at all, but life, or death and how unfair it can be.

I think it's worth reiterating paddyann's perceptive post.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself when you feel sad or angry or lost - and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you when the time is right

Anja Fri 05-Apr-19 08:06:54

Exactly as others have said. What you are feeling is healthy and normal.