It's okay for you to feel the way you do. Your feelings are your own and you alone have your reasons for them. My parents went to live abroad when I was 19. I struggled for 4 years with them and eventually came back. I missed them terribly, but my sister was there and she started having children. My father hasn't spoken to me on the phone in 40 years, told my husband he wasn't what they wanted for me, wasn't interested in my wedding, so we married alone abroad. When my father visited the UK, if I didn't do or act the way he wanted, he didn't want to stay with us, he made me drive him from Surrey to Essex late in the evening after 10.30pm so he could stay with his sister. He called my children snobs and never said one nice thing to us, in fact he was rude about my cooking. Now he is very sick, we all went out to see him, around 2 years ago. We give my sister almost £1000 a month as she has a full time carer for him and he wanted to live with her. She is on her own now and probably thinks we are the dregs as we go on holiday and don't go over to see him. I text everyday and she doesn't always answer. She works full time, has no savings, no pension but spends her money on clothes and make up etc. I'm in 2 minds whether to go visit him before he dies, as my experience with him when on my own is just pure nastiness. He would prefer everything be left to my sister, he wants me to have nothing of his. He can only understand his hurt, but can never understand mine or my brothers. Therefore my feelings are to stay away,. Looking from my sisters side, she must think I'm selfish and awful, but she is only now learning what my dad is like. He calls her a bitch, tells her to shut up, her cooking is not tasty. I said he has always been like that to me, she thinks it's because he is ill. I don't want to see him, even though he is dying.