Gransnet forums



(13 Posts)
debohunXL5 Mon 22-Apr-19 09:51:18

The 2nd anniversary of my DD's passing was on 14/04/19. Myself and my husband went up up local woods and found our patch of not quite open bluebells and shed tears for her. We let off a heart shaped helium balloon with miss you xxxxx written on it. (sorry about the plastic). SIL as far as we know still has not scattered her ashes. DGD's birthday is today and once again we cannot see her , cannot speak to her to wish her a happy 7th birthday. Our hearts are breaking. We have sent a birthday card to SIL's friend's mum in the hope she will pass it on to her so that she knows we haven't forgotten. No point in sending a gift. It will be returned to us like all the others. Just wanted to share. sad

Izzywizzy Mon 22-Apr-19 10:02:10

debohun XL5 , I’m so very sorry to read about your sadness. As if losing your daughter wasn’t bad enough. Can you say why your son-in-law has stopped you being in contact with your grandchild ? Such unnecessary heartache on top of your grief.
I’m sorry I don’t have any wise words but just want you to know I am thinking of you and sending you warm wishes flowers

Anniebach Mon 22-Apr-19 10:04:16

debohun I am so very sorry, my beloved daughter died 15 months ago and I miss her so much,but I am very close to her three children. You are grieving for your daughter and your granddaughter , x

debohunXL5 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:10:25

Thanks Izzywizzy and Anniebach I'm so sorry for your loss too. I'm afraid its a long story and I have posted on here before about it. I don't want to bore you with it all again. I have also lost my GS her brother who will be 10 this year. He must be feeling our separation most as he will definitely remember all the good times we had but I know deep down that he knows his D is keeping us away from them.

TerriBull Mon 22-Apr-19 10:35:37

Just so sorry for your loss, a double loss, do you post on one of the estrangement threads on GN? such as the "Going No Contact" I think that's what it's called, many grandmothers on there who have been put in your situation and they do their best to support one another.

Once again commiserations for your deep unhappiness I just wish you peace flowers

debohunXL5 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:45:22

Hi TerriBull, No I haven't posted on the Estrangement thread, thanks I'll have a look. thanks for your thoughts.

crazyH Mon 22-Apr-19 10:45:48

I'm so sorry Debohun. Losing your daughter is hard enough, and then, to lose touch with your GC must be killing you and DH. This is so heartbreaking. I am in tears writing this. Why are people so cruel?
Anniebach, sorry for your loss.... Oh my Lord, how do people in your situation cope.
Wishing you get the courage and strength to carry on flowers

debohunXL5 Mon 22-Apr-19 11:14:52

Thanks CrazyH. The simple answer is we don't or at least I don't. We just carry on despite wanting to end it all we have to think of other people. I am lucky to have two other DGC who live one and a half hours away. Due to working full time I see them once a month if I'm lucky but I cherish the time I have with them. I also have a husband who is very poorly at times and he needs me so to leave this world would be selfish of me but there have been times I wish I was with my beloved DD. I don't sleep I wonder about the DGC I have lost and wonder what they are doing at any given time of the day. I am in tears at the drop of a hat and find it difficult to compose myself. My hatred for my SIL intensifies with every day that passes and that cannot be good but I cannot change my feelings. I live in hope that they will turn up on my doorstep having run away to come to see us for I surely feel that with each passing year they will forget us biit we will never forget them and live in the hope they will come to us one day. sad

TerriBull Mon 22-Apr-19 11:18:08

Oh yes do debohun, another thread is "Support for those living with estrangement" I'm sure the posters there will understand only too well what you are going through, sometimes there is no better support of others who are "living with it to understand it"

Once again, I am so sorry, as crazy says above, losing your daughter was hard enough and I hope the enforced estrangement with your grandchildren will be resolved for you at some stage in the future.

Best wishes to you and your husband x

sodapop Mon 22-Apr-19 12:38:18

My sympathy to both of you debohun such a sad set of circumstances. You have a husband who loves and needs you and your other grandchildren do too so try to hold on to that. I'm sure your grandchildren will be in touch when they are older.
I too wish you strength, courage and hope for the future.

silverlining48 Mon 22-Apr-19 12:53:03

Debo just wanted to say I remember your other post and am so sorry that nothing has changed. To lose your daughter is the worst and most heartbreaking thing but to be deprived of her children is so unnecessarily cruel.
I hope your granddaughters card is given to her and perhaps one day your grandchildren will come looking fir their loving grandparents, their mums mum.
I wish you a more peaceful day.

Grannyrebel27 Wed 24-Apr-19 20:37:05

My brother in law died on Monday. We knew the end was coming but it was still a shock. My sister had been married to him for 42 years and it's strange to think of her as a widow. It made me think and made me be nicer to my own husband and to keep him close. I suppose we take each other for granted and when someone in the family dies it makes you think about your own mortality and how you'd cope alone. Has anyone else felt like this?

Grannyrebel27 Wed 24-Apr-19 20:40:34

Sorry debohunXL5 the above should have been a new thread. So sorry to hear about your daughter.