phoenix I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you move past such a loss and I don’t think you do, just find a way to carry on over time. You mention him often (I don’t mean that in a bad way) so he is obviously still very much loved and close to your heart. So, so sorry 
It must be the very worst unimaginable loss, your own child. I feel for you Phoenix
phoenix. My DD took her own life aged 24 in 2006.
A few weeks ago I met a man who was her best friend at school. He's now approaching 40, married with 4 children. I was happy for him but it really brought home to me what might have been and what I've lost.
phoenix
So sad when you loose someone so young and you can only imagine what their life would have been.
Phoenix , thinking of you
- a difficult day for you full of what might have been. So hard for you. I am sure that the love he received from you was the centre of his life. You could do no more than that. Mental illness is so cruel and its seriousness so often underestimated. I am holding you in my thoughts today.
Phoenix
For 46 years I have looked at other little boys/bigger boys/young men/men the age of my eldest SIL/all 3 of my daughters as they have grown up and just wondered -
What would my first child, our little boy who lived just short of a month have been like? What would he have become, how different might our lives have been?
Who knows what the future might have held for them?
Those happy memories of his birth, of childhood birthday parties- nobody can take those away from you .
Of course you miss him
Phoenix I have no words just gentle (((Hugs))) and .
phoenix, my heart hurts for you.
Thinking of you Phoenix - your son will always be 19 in your mind but it won't stop you thinking of what might have been. I have two friends who have both lost their adult children - I know how hard it is for them
very difficult
Hello all, and sending good wishes.
Feeling a bit low, DS2 took his own life aged 19, in 2008.
As OP says, tomorrow would have been his 30th birthday. Remembering what I was doing 30 years ago today (jogging up and down the corridor in the maternity unit, trying to get things "going" so that I didn't have to go to be induced the next morning! 
)
But also wondering about what might have been. Would he be married, with children of his own? He and his dear friend Theresa used to joke that if neither of them were married or in a relationship by 30, then they may as well marry each other!I
I miss him, the person that he was, and the one he might have become.
Always loving you, my darling boy.
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