mother in palliative care

His response is entirely natural and you cannot pretend otherwise. His life has revolved around your mum for so many years, there is going to be a huge hole in his days.
You must be sharing his feelings, plus your own sadness at seeing him so lost.
The best you can do is reassure him that you will always be there. And be sure that you are, not just in the early months of bereavement when the time comes.
Let him grieve- I hated people making patronising (consoling?) comments about “a good innings” or “ its for the best” etc etc.
Tell him you love him and need him, remind him of the happier days of your childhood, but principally just comfort him, sit with him, reassure him that however much he will miss your mum he still has you and you need him.
My sincere commiserations to you both

I can’t add much to that as Maw has pretty well covered it all, and she understands how your dad is feeling.

I think the reassurance that you will still be in his life will help very much, but also you understanding what this loss means to him.

I totally sympathise whoisthis I really do.

My dad looked after my late mum for many years as she had bone cancer and kidney failure. She was a dialysis patient for several years and he accompanied her to almost every one of her 3 times a week sessions! they were virtually inseparable and both made many friends on the kidney unit.

After quite a long spell in hospital where she was very poorly she decided enough was enough and discontinued the dialysis and asked to come home to die, where she passed away peacefully a week later.

Moving on 3 years, my dad has (very reluctantly at first) forged a new life for himself. He is 81 and has started meeting some old friends 2-3 times a week. He is going to his football again and is enjoying life. He relies on me a lot for hospital appointments, shopping etc. and we include him in everything we do as a family, but generally he is doing much better than either he or we thought he would. He has always been good at cooking, cleaning etc. as my mum couldn't do much for a very long time, so his little bungalow is like a new pin and would put a lot of younger, more able people to shame!

He still talks about my mum constantly but it seems to have gotten easier of late and we are able to share our happy memories of her without getting upset.

I agree with what Maw has said, you must convince him that you will always be there for him and not just in the beginning of life without his dear wife.

It will get easier for him it really will, but you mustn't let him give up. He has to find something to occupy his days.

Wishing you and your parents my very best wishes. x

It is so hard. I know when my Mum died Dad was a bit lost for a while. She had been in a home for some time, but he used to go there every day and have his lunch there with her. It felt very strange for him when all that stopped.

But he did pick himself up - he booked a coach tour of Italy and really enjoyed it; and he got involved with playing snooker with his neighbours. He put together a new sort of life for himself - very different from before, but with its own satisfactions.

This continued fine until he decided to do a "wheelie" on his mobility scooter and fractured his pelvis! - and then also his femur whilst in hospital. Eventually he too went to the same home as Mum had been in and died peacefully there, as had Mum.

I am sorry that you have these sadnesses to contend with at the moment. I was worried about Dad, but he surprised us all by the way he just got on with life.

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