debohunXL5. Oh my dear, this is the most sad and moving letter I remember for a long long time.
Please accept my most sincere sympathy and condolences to you and your Dear Husband for the death of your Daughter.
I cannot say how sorry I am that surrounding this pain there is also the bitterness of a rift and separation, dividing Grandparents from Grandchildren. I am one who prays and I promise that you will all be in my prayers. I would not be surprised or blame you if you do not believe in or trust God after all this so I won't say more.
Surrounding the dreadful early death of a young mother there is usually so much grief and pain and anger that there comes a falling out and big rifts as people disagree about the way to deal with things. The agony of the terrible death is too much for us and we lose our hold on relationships, finding people impossible to cope with.
I would most certainly write to your SIL. Do not be put off by his formal style. Keep your letter simple. Say you are grateful you are to him for his letter and telling you about the scattering of your daughter's ashes. Then say simply what you said above, that you would like your DGC to know they are loved, that they have GPs of their DM who love them and that you will not impose into the family but will always love them and be there for anything they need. Ask if he could possibly let you send them Birthday and Christmas gifts and cards.
I do hope he will agree for his children's sakes. The little ones will need to know they have a circle of love around them, even if they do not see you, knowing you are there and you care will be important.
I am so sorry he is such a dreadful man. I do not know if there are any legal means where you live whereby you could seek access to your DGC. I would certainly look into it but not say anything about seeking legal means to him before being if he will agree to an arrangement. Having lost their mother so very tragically, it would be good for them to have contact with her parents, their grandparents. I would have thought he would be glad of the babysitting help. Obviously they have moved away but the children are old enough to come to you in the holidays if that suites you. I do hope something can be arranged. Please never give up.
Please may I say, that when you visit the place of the ashes, I have had an experience that was so real, so vital and alive, that I know that when we die we leave our body straight away, through our forehead, and fly to a white light where there are many who know us and love us and it is the most wonderful experience!
Your daughter, I truly know, left her body and she is in this amazing place. She may be able to come near you and be with you from time to time. It is a place filled with pure love. It was so wonderfully happy and everyone was excited to see me and knew me. I do not know any more because I was sent back. I do know that any distress in this life, pain, arguments, is all gone when we leave our body.
I do hope you find some peace and solace in your lives. The loss of a child is the hardest pain to bear. Try to remain strong, take care of each other. I do hope tomorrow brings some hope of happiness and positive ideas about seeing the DGC.
Sending you much love, Elle