Buried with first wife

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If he stated in his will to be buried with his first wife then that should be respected. It's the appropriate thing to do anyway. But ideally it would be nice if the second 'wife' could go there with them, seeing that they were together for so long. I'm sure the family will discuss this, and I hope there are no disagreements.

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A lady in my cemetery has sorted it she is buried with both her husband and her lifelong best friend 2 men one woman that’s how to do it eh
I ve got no one to share my bed with ?

There's a good chance that his partner doesn't really mind where he's buried. She probably knew what the plan was anyway.

My late (second) husband wanted his ashes scattered. When he died, his sisters wanted his ashes put in the family (uncle and aunts) grave instead. I agreed as I didn't mind either way and knew he wouldn't want them upset.

Mind you, I've upset them anyway by never visiting as memorials have no meaning for me. They shouldn't expect me to agree with their religious ideas of respecting the dead by doing duty visits, I believe.

Our family grave has in it- In order of adding- My mum &dad's second son (my brother )died in infancy, my maternal grandfather, my paternal grandfather's ashes, my paternal grandmother, my maternal grandmother's ashes, my dad's ashes and I'm about to add my mum's ashes. I like to think they're having a family party in there!

When my dear mother died quite unexpectedly, we didn't really know what to do, dad died abroad & he was cremated, burials seem such a drama & graves very unnecessary, mum always said no one will know who i am in 60 yrs, i feel like that now!
We cremated mum, kept both parents ashes, not sure why..
Cremation for me, when your gone ,who cares..

my late father's mother was buried next to both of her husbands, seems it was and is, quite common

My dad was buried with my mum, his first wife. The vicar of the church where the burial took place told his second wife, my stspmother, that she could be buried in the same grave when the time came. She was cremated and buried with them both. I think it was really sweet that they were all able to be together. And very sweet of the vicar to suggest it. I'm not religious but it just seemed a very understanding thought on his part.

Quite a few in our churchyard where the husband and wife are in separate graves some distance apart. In some cases the surviving spouse remarried and might therefore be joined by their second spouse in due course. It would seem that it's a matter of personal preference and as long as it's all agreed and aboveboard it's their decision.

My father always said he didn't like the churchyard - the trees made it dark. He was cremated and my mum kept his ashes. She and I talked about what she wanted - cremation and both sets of ashes in the churchyard. When I pointed out that Dad didn't want to be there, her response was "He'll be alright with me, dear!" So that's what we did.

Very emotive subject and no right and wrong answers. I know you are upset Cherry Tree but is the second wife as upset?

People's 'beliefs' play a huge amount in burials. For instance some people don't believe the person is still 'there' in the ground but around them all the time. Some don't feel they are there at all. Some feel they simply HAVE to be buried with their loved ones and others feel cremation is their choice.

My wonderful 89 year old mum died this year and, on her wishes, she was cremated but I haven't been able to part with her ashes. I still have them on display in my lounge. Many people may find this very odd - even macabre? But it brings me comfort and every day I speak to her. I feel that having her here is what I need.

Sometimes you just have to go along with what people find comfort in rather than what you think is right.

My mil was buried with her two husband's and a tiny baby who was born with cancer and also the cremated remains of a bil who committed suicide. Needless to say it is now closed for anymore.
I can't see any problem with it .

It's all so sad . I will be buried on my own, in my own grave.....I am divorced, parents' graves are abroad. I still haven't decided whether I want to be buried or have my ashes scattered. I know a couple of friends, who hardly visit their loved one's graves.

I think trisher is quite probably right, an economic decision. The second partner may well have been aware of what would happen and is comfortable with it.
I definitely would not want to be with my first husband in perpetuity and I'm sure he feels the same way about me.

Gave her all!

Thank you all for your sensible replies.
I am sure as many posters have said it would have been discussed in private by the family.

I still feel sad that the although the couple were not married the partner her gave all to the family and I wonder if when visiting his grave it would feel that he is now with first wife and no longer her partner.

The headstone has not been replaced as yet.

All my side of the family have had burials whereas on DH's side cremation is the norm.
I am now thinking that cremation may be the simplest option if there are family dynmics to navigated.

Difficult one isn’t it?
If they had discussed it, then the second wife /partner must have been ok with the burial.She may in any case, prefer, when she dies, to be cremated.She may also think it doesn't really matter.

My mother was proud of the fact that she allowed my dad to be buried with his first wife . Mum had been a wonderful step mother to his children ( ( though they were teenagers when they married ) and was much loved by his family. On researching the graves I found there were still spaces in the two family graves and I went round all his previous family asking if anyone wanted them. Nobody did . My mother was cremated which saved wondering where she should be buried. Sad really as in the same cemetry as my father my two siblings who were still born were buried with no headstones and no names .

Reading the op it seems that they were not married, which maybe is a clue to why this has happened. However it certainly is nothing to feel uncomfortable about. It's how you live that's important.

Possibly just an economic decision as he probably owned the grave where his first wife was buried and presumably then his second wife would have known this. She may already have plans to be buried there. Same would apply if this was a family grave. The only issue then would be the number already buried as there are restrictions on numbers allowed. Second wife maybe planning to be cremated and add her ashes.

If a first marriage was happy, but ended prematurely through illness or accident, I think the first partner would have been pleased for the other one to have found happiness again. Therefore no reason why new partner shouldn't be with them, but I agree that is something which ought to be discussed.

We always remember our first love don't we? That may or not be our husband. Surely there are many differences between the love that we first feel and the love that we feel for later partners.

As I understand it, men often remarry after a relatively short interval of becoming a widower and this is because they have had a happy marriage and liked that situation. I could be wrong of course.

As regards the O/P her friend's father's widow has probably had a lovely life with her husband and has good memories to look back on.

In the days when many woman died during childbirth a wife died and the husband often remarried quite quickly to give a mother to the children. When husband died he was added to grave of first wife and when second wife died she was also added to same grave. On holiday in Scotland when we were making our way to Orkney isle we saw a very old grave yard and all of the graves had enormous head stones on very old graves we saw several men buried with two wives and one was buried with three wives two of whom had died in childbirth. I think if you make a promise to your first partner you should keep that promise. If you are a second wife or husband and you know your spouse was married to a person who died you should discuss these things in advance so no shocks on death. If divorced from a previous spouse I can't imagine why they would be buried together.

From a financial point of view it's sometimes whatever the family can realistically afford as a separate burial is quite expensive.
As for the present situation and because my late husband had been previously married, I'd have found it quite difficult to comprehend that they be buried together. No doubt my vindictive step-son would have arranged that had he been given the chance but that never happened.

My mother in law is to be buried next week, her second husband was interred with his first wife , she will be interred with her first husband.

Paddyann, do you mean both women interred with the same man ?