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Cremation without undertakers etc

(17 Posts)
Anneeba Tue 20-Aug-19 17:25:21

Hello, I'd be grateful for advice. I discussed my mother's funeral with her when she was in the earliest stages of dementia, and prior to that, so know what her wishes are ie, no undertakers, funeral directors etc, just a simple coffin-free cremation then a celebration of life service down South where the rest of the family live; (she's in a nursing home in Yorkshire next to my home). All well and good I thought, but now, as she seems to get smaller every day, I haven't a clue how to transport her from the home to the crematorium when the day finally comes that I have to, especially on our own. I can't exactly lob her into the back of our Berlingo, even if it is big enough... Has anyone done this and have words of wisdom to share please? Many thanks for any help.

MissAdventure Tue 20-Aug-19 17:28:34

I'm sure there are all kinds of levels of this kind of funeral, from the literal diy type, to tailoring it to suit what you need.

I think you can arrange for your persons body to be transported straight to the crematorium, and I also think you can choose how.

Caro6699 Tue 20-Aug-19 17:39:50

Google the natural death centre for advice on transportation of loved ones remains for cremation without coffin,

Anneeba Tue 20-Aug-19 17:44:01

Thanks, I will look up the natural death centre. When I googled simple cremations I got hundreds of links to funeral directors, rather than DIY help, regardless of how I phrased the search.

Septimia Tue 20-Aug-19 17:59:02

There's a leaflet produced by Quaker Social Action that might help you. If you do a search for 'Planning an affordable and meanful funeral' you'll find a pdf with lots of useful advice.

Septimia Tue 20-Aug-19 17:59:48

Sorry - 'Planning an affordable and meaningful funeral' !!

Ilovecheese Tue 20-Aug-19 18:19:35

You don't have to have any funeral at all if you don't want one. There are organisations that will just take the persons body away to be cremated. You don 't have to arrange anything.

phoenix Tue 20-Aug-19 18:38:49

When my boss died, he didn't want a coffin for his cremation, chose instead a rather beautiful shroud, more appropriate and cost effective.

phoenix Tue 20-Aug-19 18:40:32

Meant to add, there was no service either, just the crematorium booked and his widow and adult children in attendance.

notanan2 Tue 20-Aug-19 18:42:33

The term is "direct disposal" and it is increasingly popular. Google that term & hopefully you find what you need x

annsixty Tue 20-Aug-19 18:47:59

I had no funeral at all for my H.
That was our wish ,both for him and for me when that time comes.
We had no need to say goodbye to him, everyone he loved and loved him said their goodbyes in the last few days.
I did not need to put on a show for friends and family who didn’t bother to visit.
I did use a local funeral director and he was cremated at the local crematorium 2 miles away at a time known only to me. No-one attended.
This what we planned.

annsixty Tue 20-Aug-19 18:50:47

Cost effective?
It cost £600 cheaper than a full funeral, less of course the cost of the wake.
I intend to invite close family and friends shortly to a meal to celebrate his life.
I am not ready for that yet.

shysal Tue 20-Aug-19 19:07:59
This company advertise on TV and offer the type of thing you describe. They will pick up the body and take it directly to their crematorium. The ashes are returned to the family for any or no celebration as they wish.
I have requested this type of disposal but not pre-paid which is an option.

Anneeba Wed 21-Aug-19 10:45:25

Many thanks to you all. I shall sort it all out now such that it is not a rush and I will not be in whirr!

Jaxjacky Thu 19-Sep-19 21:08:52

I have this in my will and my family know too. I’m just copying David Bowie?

grannyticktock Thu 10-Oct-19 12:48:52

Annsixty, this is what we did for my husband too. We did use a sympathetic funeral director to organise what they call a "direct cremation" for us: the body was collected from the hospice and the FD kept it until they could arrange a cremation. No one attended except the FD team, who did this respectfully and asked for a piece of music to play while it was carried out.

Then a couple of weeks later we had a memorial service in the village hall, with the ashes displayed (in a mini beer-keg!). We had a serious bit with readings, tributes and music, then rearranged the furniture and had refreshments. This was what my husband asked for: minimal formality for the funeral, but plenty to eat and drink. Six months later, the family quietly scattered the ashes.

So yes, we did use a funeral director, but their work was all behind the scenes, as we (the family) ran the service ourselves. I should think anyone who says "No undertakers!" means that they don't want an official presence at any ceremony, but no one expects friends and family to do the heavy lifting. Funeral directors have suitable vehicles, strong men, and links with the local crem, so they are best placed to do the actual cremation.

This sort of arrangement is becoming more popular now, and it also saves money - ours was about £1000 less than a full funeral service, which meant we could afford a good party afterwards!

Norman1939 Mon 09-Dec-19 11:54:21

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