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It is the eternal ache

(26 Posts)
craftyone Thu 17-Oct-19 09:01:04

It never goes away. We get on with superficial life because we have to. We each have our time, I know that but this ache inside, the magic has gone out of life. Yes we put on the smile and sometimes there is a real smile. We carry on because of children and grandchildren and because we need to carry on, the alternative is a heap in a corner. Airbrushing helps, the crying subsided but that ache, inside. It stays

MawB Thu 17-Oct-19 09:04:01

So true craftyone flowersflowers

craftyone Thu 17-Oct-19 09:06:47

4 and a half years since I was widowed very suddenly, policeman, air ambulance. Then exactly a year to the day my dear sister in law died and 9 months later my darling sister passed. I picked myself up and have been busy ever since, my way of coping with the emptiness. That ache inside, I only forget about it when I am busy. The tears are very close to the surface sometimes. I don`t feel angry, I was blessed to have known them but nothing stops that ache

Smileless2012 Thu 17-Oct-19 09:07:37


craftyone Thu 17-Oct-19 09:09:35

yes Maw, I know you know flowers flowers

Amagran Thu 17-Oct-19 09:14:47

craftyone, MawB flowers flowers

annsixty Thu 17-Oct-19 09:18:05

6months today since my H died.
I think of him every day and dream about him every night but not in an upsetting way ,thankfully.
Kindest thoughts to all of you.

annsixty Thu 17-Oct-19 09:22:32

We had a smile yesterday.
My H's ashes are in a wardrobe waiting for mine to join them.
My GD and I were changing furniture round and she was emptying wardrobes ready to move them, when I went in she said,"GD is on the bed".
If only, but it made me smile.

Anniebach Thu 17-Oct-19 09:26:41

Been many years for me, I don’t grieve now but wonder what might have been

tanith Thu 17-Oct-19 09:33:25

flowers I know exactly what you mean

Nonnie Thu 17-Oct-19 10:10:44

My grief is still raw, not DH, DS in my case. So very, very hard. Another funeral tomorrow, a dear friend of 89, but it will bring back the loss hard again.

flowers for you all.

GrandmaMoira Thu 17-Oct-19 10:11:30

Very moving words Craftyone.

purplepatch Fri 18-Oct-19 13:28:59

You've nailed it craftyone. It's like living parallel lives. The one where you get on with life and seem 'normal' to the outside world and friends. The other with the inner loneliness and that horrible hollow feeling inside you, punctuated daily by the thought that comes from nowhere that he is gone forever and leaves you with an indescribable pain in the heart, as if someone had twisted a knife in you.

crazyH Fri 18-Oct-19 13:32:01

??????for all who are grieving xx

Jane10 Fri 18-Oct-19 13:58:20

So sorry to hear such secret hidden sadness. Thinking of you all ? ♥️

Marmight Fri 18-Oct-19 14:14:01

You’ve nailed it absolutely both Crafty & Purple. 8 years in January for me and I relive every anniversary whether it be births, death, wedding, holiday, journey.... I can be happy as Larry one moment and in the depths of misery the next. It just takes a smell, a piece of music or a sudden memory which pops into my head for no reason. It’s a lonely life even when surrounded by family & friends who, until it happens to them, have no conception of all encompassing grief. Sometimes it feels like drowning

Luckygirl Fri 18-Oct-19 14:28:20

{flowers] - nothing I can say, except that I feel for you all.

MawB Fri 18-Oct-19 14:36:27

So very, very true Marmight and while everybody is wonderfully supportive in the early days and months, as the years go on you can feel cut adrift, expected to get on with things, remember the good times, and make a fresh start etc etc.
But as the years go on, the realisation grows that this is it for ever.
So hard to put into words though.

Greta Fri 18-Oct-19 15:45:06

Yes, craftyone, it's an ache that becomes part of you. C S Lewis wrote that it felt like being mildly drunk, or concussed and that there was an invisible blanket between him and the world. That's exactly how I feel at times.

I lost my husband three years ago and six months later my only sister. We were very close. I try to keep busy, I meet people, I even ask them around for lunch, I tell myself sometimes that I am actually coping well, after all I was always quite independent and resourceful, this awful feeling will go away and I'll be right as rain again. But I'm only kidding myself because suddenly, without warning, my world falls apart because I picked up a book and out fell a card my husband had made years ago; a pressed rose and the words ”To my beautiful wife” ...

With love to you All

callgirl1 Sun 20-Oct-19 20:52:59

Just over 3 years for me. I`m not good with words, but yesterday, in town, I bumped into someone I used to work with, hadn`t seen her for a few years, and whilst we were chatting, she suddenly said "How`s David?" So then the explanations had to start.

BlueSapphire Fri 01-Nov-19 21:10:48

Know what you mean. My DH died February last year, it aches every day. Never goes away.

rosecarmel Fri 01-Nov-19 21:54:19

My sister, my husband and then brother over three months time in 2018- Then my son's partner and my husband's niece at the beginning of 2019- My mum just died October 19th-

I understand bereavement, too .. Sometimes a heap in the corner, or numb, but mostly living life and appreciating every moment .. because life is just too darn short to spend the rest of it mourning ..

rosecarmel Fri 01-Nov-19 21:56:19

Short but beautiful ..

Quesera Sat 02-Nov-19 16:35:10

Well put rosecarmel. Lost my husband far too early this year, he was cheated out of the longer retirement he deserved and the least I can do is do my best to live my own life as he’d have expected. When there are inevitable low moments, I find How to be a Merry Widow by Mary Essing very sensible as well as funny.

Georgy Mon 11-Nov-19 23:34:00

Managed to become a widow & orphan within 12 weeks, trying to cope with working full time, helping with grand daughter & moving house. Oh just blooming argghhh