What to put in Christmas Card to bereaved parents?

You are justified in being angry at that lack of imagination.

Your awful burden of grief will become acceptable.
It's true what they say about dead people: they will never be hurt again, because loss and suffering are compatible only with mortal life.

We have tragically lost a child and are confused by the number of good people who write jolly jolly messages which, with the best will in the world, are no longer appropriate eg 'have loads of fun' - 'have the best Xmas ever' - 'have a wonderful time'. 'Hope 2024 is the best year so far'. With clearly no thought at all. Don't expect much but the jolly fun ones are hard to read - luckily I can gloss over it most of the time. They don't mean it ....but really?????

Thinking of you.

'' God love you''

this is my 2nd Christmas without my lovely husband. Close friends have sent beautiful cards, with kind, thoughtful messages. I opened one today from a woman who worked with my dad, then with me in training police/social workers to interview children. She’s 92nand lost her life companion 4 years ago. Her card simply said, with love ftom x, I do hope things are easier for you this year. That message will stay with me - human kindness and compassion does exist x

That was very thoughtless GG. People must dash off their cards en mass without thinking who they are writing to.
I am thinking of you is just right in the circumstances and I am thinking of you now.

I could not believe how many Christmas cards I received a few weeks after my husband died from stupid so called friends and neighbours wishing me a happy christmas and a wonderful new year.

All I wanted was a card that stated. I am thinking of you at Christmas. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have come to the conclusion, that unless they lose the loves of their lives, they will never comprehend what we grievers go through. One day they will and I will send them a card wishing them a lovely christmas and a fantastic new year.

My thoughts too Merlotgran. Our son-in-law (my OH’s daughter’s husband) died in January, aged 47. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer only four months before. Actions speak louder than words. 💐

Just tell them you are thinking about them. It means so much. Unfortunately, we lost our beloved son and the pain never goes away but to know that people care is lovely.

Ikiesgranma another bouquet 💐 for you x

Ikiesgranma - for you

There is no right or wrong anwser, it depends on how the family of the deceased handles the loss

Some prefer a neutral, "life continues" card

Others, like to know the name of the loved one is not forgotten

For others, mentioning the name upsets the family

Others, may choose to skip the holidays, receive no cards or do anything special

So my recommendation is to read the room and proceed accordingly

In today’s post I had a newsy card from a friend, totally ignoring the loss of my DH which I found a bit insensitive, but not as bad as a distant cousin ( but one I keep up with) actually addressing card and envelope to both of us, even though he knew the change of circumstances.
So a middle path is needed. Don’t ignore it but don’t go over board either.

Send a plain card, where you write your own message with a calm looking picture. When my friend lost her baby granddaughter just before Christmas, I wrote " Oh (her name), there are no words. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family at this sensitive time. When I next saw her she said I had captured what she was feeling "There are no words". She didn't want friends saying they knew how she was feeling because her pain was indescribable.

In a similar situation I found a card that you said something like 'Peace at Christmas"
A simple message "thinking of you' without being too gushing.
Good luck

I would write
(Their beloved daughter (name) is with them everyday in their thoughts and memories to treasure forever).

When I lost my son 18 years ago last November I did not want to celebrate Christmas. I just wanted peace. Now for those who have lost a loved one I try to find a card with a picture such as a dove of peace or purple crocus pushing through the snow and I wish them peace at Christmas. A blank card is good because you can just write your own message.

I had this dilemma a couple of years ago, when a young man we had known well as a child committed suicide.
After much thought I wrote a letter acknowledging their sadness and saying we were thinking of them all.
Last year a friend lost her sister, they were very close, I wrote a letter saying how very sorry we were, and her husband rang me, and said he’d taken the letter out before she saw it, because any mention upset her
So, just do what feels right, and hope you are doing the right thing

I’m still grieving for my dear husband, this is the first Christmas without him and I’ve been receiving lots of Christmas cards with special messages from close friends and relatives I’m not offended when someone writes have a happy Christmas I’m just pleased to hear from them regardless of my unhappy circumstances

I lost my son on the 17th December the funeral was the 21st. Christmas Eve I was trying to buy presents for his sisters so they had a “normal” Christmas . It was a terrible year all the way back in 1984 he died at nearly 5. I was on a parallel universe to everyone else that year so it doesn’t matter what you say but it is good for it to be acknowledged . I too had friends who avoided me and one friend who pretended it had never happened and invited me to her “Happy New Year” party .
She’s not been a friend for many years!!

I remember being astounded the first Christmas after losing my 26 year old DH to receive a card saying 'hope you have the best Christmas ever'! I don't think the sender could have read the printed words.

Our son died 12 years ago on Saturday, painfully close to Christmas.
I remember a neighbour's card really moved me and I've never forgotten it.
She addressed it to us three and then added
'and remembering Sam'. It was perfect

I have a card to send to my cousin, whose adult son hanged himself last year, 9 days before Christmas. I just wrote a few lines to my cousin, saying that I realise that this is a very difficult time of year for him and that he's in our thoughts.

Really, what you can you say when words are so inadequate? I thought it best to keep it very brief.

I have terminal cancer and my consultant has told me that I only have months left. I disagree and will keep fighting for as long as possible. We’ve received Christmas cards from friends who obviously don’t know what to say. I’ve noticed that none of them have written anything about next year. ie I would normally write “wishing you a happy and healthy new year” I understand that they are worried about talking about the future but I’m okay with it.

My brother and his wife lost their 43 year old daughter to
an aggressive cancer recently and want close family with them this Christmas . It’s not going to be easy and to compound it my SIL broke her wrist today.