Gransnet forums

Bereavement

What to put in Christmas Card to bereaved parents?

(22 Posts)
Yangste1007 Mon 09-Dec-19 19:19:27

I'm struggling with a Christmas card to a cousin and his wife. They lost a daughter this summer to breast cancer. She was 33 years old. I would like to say something to acknowledge their loss at this time of year. Any suggestions? The card I am sending them does not say 'merry' or 'happy' but instead says best wishes for C & the NY.

Harris27 Mon 09-Dec-19 19:23:51

I would just say along the lines of “ thinking of you at this time of the year. Sending love and heartfelt wishes.”

Calendargirl Mon 09-Dec-19 19:26:29

“Thinking of you this Christmas, with love” ?''

“You’re in my thoughts very much at this time of year”?

Yes, it’s difficult knowing what to say, isn’t it?

Harris27 Mon 09-Dec-19 19:27:58

I know that my brother always hates this time of year as he has lost his wife and ha every little family. So I keep it short but meaningful.

Yangste1007 Mon 09-Dec-19 19:28:18

What do you think of "thinking of you at what is going to be a tough time for you both and Mary (other daughter)?

Gonegirl Mon 09-Dec-19 19:31:31

Say whatever comes naturally to you personally. You need to express you. No one else.

M0nica Mon 09-Dec-19 19:32:22

I am not sure that pussy footing around the subject will help.

Just tell them that you know how difficult this Christmas will be, after the death of their daughter( use her name) this last summer, but that you will be thinking/praying (if you do that) for them.

I have just been notified of the death of the wife of someone I have worked with on a committee for some years.I knew both of them and must write a letter this evening before I go away tomorrow.

merlotgran Mon 09-Dec-19 19:34:49

The cards we are receiving don't say anything at all. Just love and best wishes from...….

I'm grateful for that. Sometimes less is more.

Urmstongran Mon 09-Dec-19 19:39:02

merlotgran 💐 for you, this first Christmas without your darling girl.

Yangste1007 Mon 09-Dec-19 19:54:32

merlotgran, thank you that is perfect and what I cam going to say.

Sara65 Mon 09-Dec-19 21:11:14

I had this dilemma a couple of years ago, a family we’d known very well when our children were young lost their son.

I was genuinely shocked and sad, I enclosed a letter saying what happy memories we had of him, and how we couldn’t imagine their sadness, it wasn’t too gushing, but I wanted them to know how much we cared.

merlotgran Mon 09-Dec-19 21:21:16

I think it's important not to turn a Christmas card into a sympathy card. Those should be sent at the time of bereavement with appropriate messages of love and support.

Christmas is hard enough without being reminded of your loss even if it's well meant.

Yehbutnobut Mon 09-Dec-19 22:17:17

‘You are in my thoughts’.

But, as you know Merlot you do not have to be reminded.

Nortsat46 Mon 09-Dec-19 22:25:45

Yangtse1007, I think sending a thoughtful greeting in a card, is a good thing to do.
My personal experiences of grief and loss are that small acts of kindness can be of great comfort.
You are a good soul to think so carefully about your wording and I am sure your cousin and his wife will be glad to receive your best wishes.

Hetty58 Mon 09-Dec-19 22:53:07

I think the avoidance of Happy or Merry is the main thing. Best wishes and Love are enough. I didn't really like the cards that were too different, that said 'Thinking of you' or mentioned the name.

Whitewavemark2 Mon 09-Dec-19 22:55:38

Listen to merlot

Nico97 Mon 09-Dec-19 23:16:54

Ditto WWM2

Merlotgran flowers

lemongrove Mon 09-Dec-19 23:17:21

I think what Harris has suggested is perfect.

Bathsheba Tue 10-Dec-19 22:43:44

Well merlot sprang to mind as soon as I read the OP, and she has generously contributed to the thread. I can't think of anyone better placed to advise, so I too would listen to her.

Newquay Tue 10-Dec-19 23:21:50

I’ve just found out-via a post on FB-of the death of the father (try to keep up!) of the young woman who is the partner to my French school penfriend’s son.
I do see the young woman from time to time when we visit from UK but don’t know her particularly well.
When sending the Christmas parcel with cards to everyone I sent one with a view of our town wishing “peace at Christmas” so I added a few words expressing our sorrow on hearing of her loss. Do hope it’s well received-thinking it’s better to say something rather than nothing.

watermeadow Sun 15-Dec-19 20:20:54

I went to look for Christmas cards which did not say “Merry Christmas “ or Happy New Year” and there weren’t any. Most older people will know friends or family for whom Christmas is a sad time. I’ve lost two close relatives in the last week and cannot send the usual cheery greetings to their families.

love0c Sun 15-Dec-19 20:42:09

I would write something along the lines of , 'giving you our love as always and thinking of you both and {daughter's name} and hope you find happiness in memories that you have all shared.'