Getting through the christmas period

I lost my husband after nearly thirty years - it'll be nine years now since he passed away. You just learn to cope with the situation and my heart goes out to you.
I put on a brave face in public and that gets easier over time but don't be afraid to let those tears show. Many of us have faced loss and life has to go on though it'll never be the same again. Be kind to yourself.

Christmas and anniversaries are always difficult in your situation. Don’t be ashamed of showing your grief. You sound a very positive lady and I KNOW you will get through this difficult time. All good wishes.

You are wonderful in the way you have adapted your life following your loss. Of course you can cry at listening to the music. Music does stir emotions. Having lost my DD (47) this year I had to ask the director of the choir I am in to take a song out for our Christmas concert as I just could not get past certain phrases without crumbling. Her words to me were that music can raise feelings and if they do they have a great meaning for that person. She did take the song out. Go enjoy the music and the occasion.

Spent my first Christmas as a widow in Paris on a group holiday with total strangers. One of the best decisions I ever made. Initially difficult but resultingly wonderful.

Christmas is just one day. For those of us who have lost someone, let's just get through it with a smile for others, as our parents used to. My dad died aged 52 on 12/12 when I was 11. Life is tough.

To all missing a loved one ?

I won't be particularly smiley.

My partner left me and went back to his parents last Dec7th and it hadn't really sunk in at the time as I was prob angry, and bewildered, this year it seems to have sunk and I miss the 'family' things we did together, esp with our girls. I've been very emotional last 2 weeks and can't help myself crying at silly things, people saying it's bereavement in another sense, definitely try to be busy, but let's hope for a better new year for anyone who's lonely anyway xx

First time for so many of us, my H died in April, we had been married for 60 years so I count myself one of the lucky ones.
I also feel I may not have many Christmas 's left.
I have put a tree up but not even any cards yet, my heart isn't in it.
I wish you all a peaceful Christmas full of happy memories and not too many sad ones.

Christmas is a very emotional time of year and I feel for you all who are dealing with heartbreaking loss. Craftyone I have followed you on another thread and often think how proud your husband would be of you for all you have achieved. I hope, in some way, he knows.

What I find now is that I can hold back the tears at sad times, but collapse in a heap some time later. I remember my dear friend was killed, and I didn’t shed a tear, though I was heartbroken. A few weeks later, I’d been ‘ looking after’ a lovely couple who were visiting my workplace. When they were leaving, they gave me a gift, and thanked me for all my care, and said they really hoped we’d meet again. I burst into tears, and was sobbing uncontrollably. They must have thought I was mad!

I lost my darling grandson, Harry, two years ago. He was 13 years old. It was heartbreaking but for my daughter, losing her only son, there are no words to describe the pain. Over Christmas she will be working at a shelter for the homeless, providing comfort and a hot meal. I am so proud of her and I know Harry would be too.

The SA are very good people. Nothing wrong in telling somebody you are happy to donate but it's a difficult time for you.

Not everything is as it seems for many.

I am so sorry for your loss. I guess this time of year brings out emotions more than other times. You are still grieving and grief affects us all in different ways.

Also, this time of year can bring out emotions in us we'd rather not have. Allow those emotions; let them flow and accept them.

I wish you all the very best, and know that we are all here for you. Xx

Sending loving thoughts to all of you who are grieving for a loved one this Christmas. xxx

c6girls You have still had a bereavement and are grieving. Be nice to yourself. Let those tears flow if you need to.

Let's hope 2020 will be a healthy and happy year for all of us.

I remember so well the first Christmas after my husband had died at the end of October. We were living abroad so there was no family around but some lovely friends. One in particular invited me to join her and her husband on Christmas Day. The next day she whisked me off to a hotel with pool. For economy reasons we shared a room. Once we had unpacked, she disappeared into the bathroom. She had run me a bath with bubbles and had placed candles all round the edge. This was 14 years ago and it still brings tears to my eyes as I write this.
Wasn’t I lucky to have such a friend?

My heart really goes out to you all.
I find it hard enough to cope with the loss of my dad at this time of year, yet I know that bears no comparison with the loss of a much-loved partner or child.
My very best wishes to you all at this difficult time

craftyone......I'm so sorry for your loss and I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. A dear cousin lost her husband recently after 47 years of marriage. Changing her usual holiday routine helped her endure that first, hard Christmas.

She spent the better part of Christmas Eve setting up props for a live Nativity at her local church and managed to share a cup of cider and some Christmas goodies with the other volunteers. Next day, she was one of several volunteers who prepared and served holiday supper for the homeless.

The loss of a loved one can be devastating. You are wise to set targets and to stay busy. Above all, please be kind to yourself. This year my cousin will volunteer again, but she's now ready to spend Christmas day at home. I believe the family is planning a 'pot luck' so she won't have to cook. So, you see.... life has to go on, but it's OK to ease back into it gently. Only time can help you heal.

Sending you a warm hug and lots of love this season, Willa

I feel so sorry for you. Christmas is the worst time for the lonely and it will be one hurdle cleared once it’s over. You do sound very stoic and brave and I wish you well.

Being brave is very good but don’t forget you can shed those tears privately and your memories you will treasure.we all know that we might have to face this and I dread it being married young and only having my husband and boys, I wish you a peaceful time and wish you love and hugs. X

I lost my husband in September, we had been married for 51 years. It's my first Christmas without him, it's hard.
My love to everyone who has lost a loved one. X

I lost my son in 2016 and I dread this time of year. He was only 24 and had so much to live for. Christmas carols always set me off too. I cope because I have a daughter,son and grandson to wear my smiley face for. All I want to do is go to bed and wake up in January. God bless all who are bereaved at this time of year. My heart goes out to you all ?

Love and God bless to everyone who is grieving, as this time of year is particularly difficult.

My husband died on feb 17th 2015, my dear sister in law died on feb 17th 2016 and my lovely kind sister died in november 2016. It was a bucketful of sadness, my husband died very suddenly, out riding his bike. Air ambulance, police at my door, blue lights

my brother coped by being busy too, he has great mates and is always out now, moto cross, fishing and blood biking

I cope because I know that we are given a return ticket when we are born. I cope because I was the one who did all the finances and ran the home, he would have never coped without me. That helps, that knowledge

We are all born to die, I know that and I am grateful for so many years as part of a loving couple. Christmas is a great big hurdle and I can get through it, so I tell myself. There are a lot of people far worse off than me

Thank you for your wishes, they help.