finding it difficult

Daddima.. Would have been our wedding anniversary on the 10th June 42 years. Lost him 3 years ago..and certain music and certain things that occur still bring the tears. Sunday always seems the worst day for me.. I don't think covid has helped as living alone you have lots of time to remimise. I do have family and have to be greatful for that.. Some people can move on with their lives quicker than others and I'm not saying that s wrong... But they say time heals a broken heart.. But I find I'm struggling more now than I was at the start. I miss him so much. But we was together 46 years and it's a big chunk of your life.. I find it hard to explain to family how I feel as they have done there grieving and getting on with there life's. Crying just writing this.

Today would have been our 47th anniversary, but the Bodach died at New Year, having had cancer and dementia. I feel the lockdown has kind of put my grieving on hold, as I’ve not had the chance to do many things on my own for the first time, if that makes sense.
I’ve also had work done which he was always going to do, but was never fit enough, so my garden is now ‘ old ladyfied’, so I can look after it myself.
I envy you being able to gain comfort from music, as any music at all brings tears right away, but I’m sure that will change.
Everyone deals with loss differently, and you must do what feels right for you, not what you feel you ‘ should’ be doing. I’m just trying to go with the good days and bad days, and hope you’ll all take comfort from your memories.

Hi there everyone . How are things with you ? I have managed to organise to have some outside repairs done that my DH always said “ leave them ,I will do them when I feel better “. He never did get better..... I still have so much to clear and sort out . It was five months on 31st since he died, but it still is strange .
At least we are able to see more people and start to make tentative plans . I hope to get to Cornwall in July with my sister and family. Our wedding anniversary is on June 5th
-49 years not sure what I will do yet , Music was his life and I have kept his playlists going so maybe play his favourite pieces and drink a toast to a man with great character and determination .

How have you all moved on from losing your husbands.. Its three years since I lost my husband of just over 40 years.. Although we new he had terminal cancer 2 years before he passed away.. But at the end it was quick went into hospital on 4th February 2017 and passed away on the 9th February 2017. I went home as you do and striped the beds cleaned ready for him to come home. I know some do prepare for this day making arrangements and talking about new relationships something we never did and although at this moment in time I don't want anyone else.. But I feel guilty if I even thinking about maybe forming another relationship.. I think this because we never talked about this.. And my daughter does tell me her dad wouldn't want me to be lonely and alone.. And I know this is true.. I am still buying myself a little gift for our wedding anniversary s which is coming up soon.. Which is silly as we never did just a card and a meal.

My husband passed a year ago and I still go though depression. My family does not live close by - many miles away - and my son wants me to go and live with him. I think it may be time except that I have been independent for so long that I am procrastinating and wondering if I can accomplish selling the house and all that goes along with a move. Thanks for any advice

"craft" - not what I wrote!

In the same boat here, so I can empathise with previous posters. I could have written SusieB50's post word for word nearly.

I have been trying to have some structure to my day so that I do not flop around aimlessly waiting for the tears to come.

Some of the things that are stopping me going under are: an online course, rarft projects, music (and more music), Qi Jong (form a YouTube video), brushing up recorder playing, recording chapters of stories to send to GC...............but it feels like time-filling a bit, as I have always had someone to look after all my life, and that leaves a huge hole in my day.

In the first few weeks I started writing a log of everything I had achieve that day - the tiniest things: getting up, having a shower, doing washing up etc. etc. vikings123 - do please log your day on here, or send to my via a private message. I am happy to read your achievements, however small.

I know how this isolation is compounding the loneliness - we are all with you in spirit. Take care.

I lost my lovely husband totally unexpectedly just over a year ago. The pain you’re feeling now will lessen, what has helped us as a family is to talk - and laugh - about what he/our children’s Dad would have said or done in various circumstances.
Look after yourself, cry when you need to - I expect we all do - but stay in touch with friends and family and ... when we can resume normal activities, try to get back to doing the things you enjoyed before. Staying fairly busy is what has helped me to cope.

Sorry for your loss vikings123.

I coped in the first 6 months by spending as much time as possible working in my garden and listening to music, both of which I find calming.
Are there occupations you find soothing or engrossing?

Keep in touch with friends and family through WhatsApp, facetime, Skype etc. (Your children really shouldn't be visiting you to protect you from the virus but clearly they care about you very much.)

Do please use Gransnet to help you through. So many of us have been where you are now and we understand your situation.
Be kind to yourself and stay safe.

Good morning Vikings,
My DH passed on 27 January just gone , together over 40 years , I feel your pain I truly do I read your post a short while ago and sat and cried for you . I am fortunate I have
a close family with 5 DG who love me dearly , I have no words
to ease your pain it’s very early days you don’t have to do anything yet , slowly slowly you will learn to cope as we all will. I turned to gransnet for comfort in January and read the
different threads, I see names pop up each day and I feel you are my friends and I’m finding myself worrying and caring about people I don’t know , this gives me so much comfort especially with the Covid-19 keeping so many of us isolated
and we can’t even hug or see our loved ones, it’s just all crazy
times isn’t it but we will be ok we have each other. I’ve been awake most of the night hugging my DH shirt but I’m going to
make myself go into the garden and sit with the sun on my face and say a prayer and think of you and the other gransnetters who are suffering . Be kind to yourself let your
family help they love you they need to grieve too , keep in touch with gransnet they will truly help , I go to ‘ The good morning’ posts each day I love to read what others are up to and sometimes I smile or even laugh .

Thank you all for your kind words. Xxx

Please come “talk with us” whenever you need someone. We may not be your sisters by blood, but we can be sisters in caring about you.

Vikings123 I can't offer any advice personally, but a new friend said that walking every day helped her.

I can really sympathise vikings 123 , My husband died nearly three months ago, and this isolation is going to be really tough with no friends and family visits . I miss my grumpy old man dreadfully too. It’s only a month since your DH died and I expect you are still dealing with all the paperwork it entails , which is enough to pulverise you. Take it slowly, give yourself time , I hope you have family and friends that are in contact daily with you . I’ve no structure to my day at the moment, as I’m not sleeping well , getting up later than I am used to ,and end up watching BBC Breakfast for ages in my dressing gown as I have no reason to get going.
So I decided to have a plan yesterday to sort out all the clutter as my husband had many hobbies and interests that spread around the house! However I’m thwarted every which way, no charity shops open , council tip has closed and have just discovered we are not going to have our garden waste collected either . But we have some lovely bright weather at present so if you can just sit outside for a while and feel it warming through you .Be kind to yourself and grieve. I have been re- reading some favourite books which I find comforting . The “good morning “ forum is lovely and it brightens me up when I log on - not posted though as I’m usually too late . I’m still struggling , it takes a long time ....

What a difficult time to be bereaved, when you cannot look to the physical presence and touch of your family to sustain you.

Only a month after bereavement, is a very short time, I know the feeling of just wanting the pain to go away, but this feeling will be with you some time yet - then you will want it back because you feel heartless at recovering so soon!

For the time being accept your grief and crying, talk to your family, if you can skype or use zoom or any other of the face to face programmes to talk to each other and see each other.

If you have a pet, tell them all about your grief, they can keep listening when even family will think you should stop. Speaking about pain can help.

If you have a garden or balcony, get out into it. If you can do just a little bit of gardening, it will help you. Despite the latest restrictions you can go outside for a walk each day and even if it is just around the block, the exercise and different view will help and most of us have several blocks we can walk round - and the variety will help.

But most of all make sure you eat properly and keep drinking enough fluids. So many people like you lack the impetus to get dressed, eat proper meals or keep hydrated and with family not dropping in to encourage you to do these things, it is easy to slip into malnutrition and neglect.

And you have found us. Sadly, many members, like you, have been widowed and all of us are at an age when we have suffered at least one close bereavement so we understand, and while we currently and inevitably have a lot of threads devoted to coronavirus. We still have a few light-hearted threads, that can lift spirits.

be gentle with yourself.

When I lost my husband I was advised to just take one day at a time. It is ok to feel awful you just have to accept that you wont feel good for a time. Part of the grieving process. your children are there for you as were mine. It is where they want to be. Don't try to do new things yet. You aren't ready . Give yourself little treats each day. I know it sounds trite but it does get better over time. Sending you