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Mother in final stages of life

(21 Posts)
whoisthis Mon 22-Jun-20 11:44:32

no one seems to understand, yesterday was a really bad day as I broke down in front of Son and DIL.Dinner was running a bit late so son got angry as they have a 2 year old who needed feeding straight away appratenly, so he started making an omelette for him after shouting at me,- I had asked dh to prepare the veg but he ignored, when son started screaming he just said ignore her- and than said to me what is wrong with you at the same time telling son that I had been like this for the last week and wad depressed- dh lost his father and mother more than 20 years ago- I think man don't feel as much as us.Now I am afraid son will not wist with gs.

MawB Mon 22-Jun-20 12:18:06

You are under enormous strain and I am so sorry that your menfolk are no providing the support you need.
Some men do feel things like we do but show it differently often bottling it up inside.
Without wishing to criticise your family, under the circumstances I think they should have been making the dinner for you. And as for feeding your little DGS - their child, their responsibility.
Do let Gransnetters provide you with a shoulder to cry on if you need one flowers

Whitewavemark2 Mon 22-Jun-20 13:05:07

I lost my mum this year, and it is so hard. Life gets put on hold for a while and nothing is normal. My best wishes to you.

silverlining48 Mon 22-Jun-20 17:12:01

That isn’t kind at all given the circumstances, presumably your mum is mother in law, grandma and great grandma, so they should understand and be feeling sad themselves, if not for themselves then for you.

V3ra Mon 22-Jun-20 17:42:42

whoisthis I am so upset for you and the way your family treated you!

Your husband's acknowledged you are depressed and having a bad week but still wouldn't help when asked.

After your son's outburst I would have taken myself off upstairs and left them all to it.

So sorry about your mum x

sodapop Mon 22-Jun-20 18:12:56

I agree V3ra You have summed things up well.
I'm sorry to hear about your Mum as well whoisthis. Take care.

Madgran77 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:15:57

After your son's outburst I would have taken myself off upstairs and left them all to it

So would I! I am so sorry you are dealing with all this without the support that you need flowers

janeainsworth Mon 22-Jun-20 18:29:01

whoisthis I’m very sorry you’re having such a hard time.
My mum died more than 20 years ago but the memory of her last year is still painful.

As others have said, put yourself and your mum first and let your men look after themselves. It won’t do them the slightest harm and they might even learn something in the process.

whoisthis Tue 23-Jun-20 11:28:44

Thank you all for your good wishes, I have decided I am going to spend more time with her but I wish I could do more like my sister who bathes her, which I can't do.Found out yesterday she has a diabetic foot ulcer which could take months to heal if at all.DH is no longer wants to talk about it so feel so alone , as `I have no close friends to turn too.

sodapop Tue 23-Jun-20 11:44:22

Keep talking to us if it helps whoisthis it's a difficult time.

HAZBEEN Tue 23-Jun-20 12:10:11

whoisthis you need to be kind to yourself. Spend whatever time you can with your Mum and dont fret about not being able to do what your sister does, being there and loving your Mum is the important thing. As for your DH, Son and the rest, let them fend for themselves, tell them why you feel as you do then leave them to it.
My OH was not very supportive when I lost first my Dad then my Mum but after having an almighty row with him it came out that he was lost not knowing what to do. It also brought back a lot from when he lost his Dad, its no excuse but you need to clear the air.
As others have said keep talking to us, we are always here for you.

whoisthis Tue 30-Jun-20 11:16:45

I was back at the hospital yesterday with mum to get her dressing changed, have noticed her appetite has reduced, and I feel her Alzheimer;s is getting worse.Her GP will only do a video consultion and I am so worried about my Dad who takes care of her full time, I worry about this when I try to sleep so am always tired. I am already on antidepressants , what more can I do.

Smileless2012 Tue 30-Jun-20 11:20:31

I'm so sorry whoisthis I can't begin to imagine how difficult this is for you.

There's no more you can do. Do try to take care of yourself as best you canflowers.

GillT57 Tue 30-Jun-20 11:57:22

So sorry you are going through this, and with what sounds like an unsupportive family too. Spend time with your Mum, and vent on here, there are many of us with broad shoulders.

janeainsworth Tue 30-Jun-20 12:18:27

Whoisthis - you are doing all you can, which is to give your Mum your love and support in the last weeks or months of her life, and to your Dad too.
Don’t beat yourself up - it is hard and distressing to go through this, but just take one day at a time. You are doing your best, which is all anyone can do. thanks

Hithere Tue 30-Jun-20 12:27:49

Was always your dh so unkind to you?

"Dinner was running a bit late so son got angry as they have a 2 year old who needed feeding straight apparently"
It is true. Once a toddler is hungry, they get hangry very fast and theu refuse to eat while having a tantrum- not fun at all. Consistent meal times and having snacks at hand are crucial.

"NowI am afraid son will not wist with gs."
Can you please elaborate?

Evoha16 Tue 30-Jun-20 13:14:29

My heart breaks for you - I’m afraid I’d move in with your parents if I were you - what a horrible ‘Family’ you have - leave them to their own destructive devices while you put your energy into caring for those you love - I hope things may be easier for you

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 30-Jun-20 13:22:30

I feel for you. It's so often the women who have to take on board all the 'caring' stuff isn't it? Can you not talk to your sister about your worries? I'm so sorry your family can't support you. Vent on here, we understand. flowers

TrendyNannie6 Wed 15-Jul-20 15:31:41

My heart breaks reading this, so sorry for you, how unsupportive family. Makes me so sad. My husband lost his mum over 40 years ago but was very supportive when both my parents died, I would have gone upstairs and left the awful lot to get on with things themselves

timetogo2016 Wed 15-Jul-20 15:42:20

Well put MawB.
I do wonder at times what goes through peoples heads and why they act like they do especialy when they know someone is hurting yet still carrying on doing the normal family things.
I send my best wishes to you whoisthis and prayers too.

AGAA4 Wed 15-Jul-20 15:48:47

Whoisthis. This is a very hard time for you. You are there for your mum but you need to take care of yourself.

Your family can look after themselves. You have enough to deal with at present. flowers