Emotionally wrecked

Homeless shelters always grateful for pairs of shoes. Please remember them.

This is so painful to read. When my parents died I was in my 20s. I took a short sleeved polo shirt unwashed from the laundry basket that still smelled of my father. The following year when my mother died suddenly I kept a couple of things and gave the rest of her clothes to her friends and relatives within two weeks of her death.
I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to part with a husband's clothes.

So sorry for all you lovely ladies coping with the loss of your OH’s and the pain of dealing with clothes and memories! My husband and I are trying to steal ourselves to sort the detritus of our daughter and late son in law’s life which has been lodged in our loft for six years. DD is remarrying next year and our sil’s suicide was so painful for us all. The job has got to be done clearing things especially from their wedding she no longer wants but preserving some memories for our grandsons to remember their Dad by!

? Luckygirl and to all of you going through bereavement. Try to be kind to yourselves. Sorting through the clothes and possessions of our loved ones is never easy, and is tinged with so many different emotions. Take care.

Well done Luckygirl. It must have taken strength. You have done all the right things. Thinking about you

I sorted through my OH things quite quickly. I reckoned I felt so rubbish it couldn’t be any worse. Due to lockdown I still have a load that has to go to an African charity (one of his carers ships every month). I left them at the foot of my bed. I’m dreading messaging her now to meet her and give them to her. I know it’s sensible, and he would have approved, but my heart is heavy. It’s just 7 months di cr he died. Difficult time for you. I understand.

Lucky it is a hard thing to do, DH died 7 years ago in February in a Nursing Home. I kept his dressing gown which was his Christmas Present from me, he chose it but never wore it as he went into Hospital in the November.

I took most of his clothes to our Salvation Army shop soon after the funeral, I still have his Warner Brothers t-shirts (Bugs Bunny mostly) which I had bought for him. I also kept a couple of jumpers which I wore for a few years.

I am dreading having to sort through my DM's effects, she is 91 & has 3 double wardrobes full of clothes plus drawers. I already have a large silver tray which I bought my DP's for their Silver Wedding, there are a couple of books & prints I will keep. DD will take a few mementos., the rest will either go to Charity, be sold or sadly local tip.

Will all you brave women please pat yourselves on the back and sit down with a nice cup or glass of something.

You deserve it after dealing with this horribly sad task.

Why are clothes so much worse then tools or books, I wonder?

My DH has been gone since January and I still have a load of stuff to sort. I have kept his battered old hat and the leather waistcoats that he used to wear (biker to the end). My daughter has said that she will try to make a memory quilt from the many t-shirts with pictures on the front that he wore, bands, slogans and cartoons etc. Not an easy job as everything has a memory attached.

So far I have kept two red silk shirts that I can wear myself - a jumper and a cardigan. And there is a pile of T-shirts with amusing quotes on - the girls used to buy these for him. Most are science-based, some in Latin - and some really very rude indeed! I have put these aside for the girls to choose from.

And the wardrobe is still full of suits and jackets and ties, even though I have already put aside so much for the charity shop.

It make me cry just writing this - but it all needs doing as I cannot take it all to the new house which has less storage space.

This is one of the hardest things to do. I helped my mother-in-law and my Mum do this, and could not think how they faced it. It takes courage of the emotional sort. My heart goes out to all of you who have had to do this. Later on, when we are less raw, the things we keep, are such a comfort. I have a striped silky scarf of my Dad's, and of all things an Exmoor Hunt Tobacco tin. I also kept his tools, and every time I use one it's like holding his hand. My Mum left us specific things she wanted us to have. I have her rings, a bracelet, an old blue enamelled powder compact, and an old wooden elephant that every time I polish it I think of the past generations of women of my family who have done the same. My younger daughter will have that when I go because she loves it like I do. The compact has damage where someone trod on it during the war, when they were clearing up after an incendiary fell on their house. The memories and the stories that go with them are so very precious.

Found it difficult but seemed to manage it in phases. First item to go was all footwear. No idea why. Last items were all kilt/football related. He was a proud Scot. I have, of course, retained a few small but memory significant items. Clear out of Mum's home was equally excruciating. I believe some people find it somewhat cathartic. I never managed that.

polnan - - this isolation has come at a very hard time for many of us, who are with you in spirit.

Lindylou57 - thanks for that info.

My heart goes out to you Lucky girl and all those suffering loss. We all go through this at some stage in our lives. My mum was my first real loss two and a half years ago. It is hard to get the mind around the impermanence of life when someone has been such a part of your life. The love never dies though and remains part of who we are. Sending hugs.

I do feel for you Lucky, but well done. I have just sorted out all my mums cards. They went back to her 21st birthday and my birth. Every card she had from family, my Dad, me and my Brother and my two boys. That was hard enough and I have another box to go. I felt so guilty. It is a very hard time for everyone and does bring back lots of happy and sad memories.

a friend's daughter surprised her mum by having a teddy dressed in remade clothes from her grandmother's clothes ... favourite dress and reknitted cardi .. my friend loved it ... just a thought. x

I am very sorry for your loss Luckygirl
It is a very difficult job, but you will get through it all.

When my OH passed away, I made cushion from his very colourful summer shirt and gave it to my Grandaughter. She and Grandad were very close and she loved it.

In the pocket I put a little message:

This is a shirt I used to wear
Whenever you need me, I will be there.

My dear husband died 4 years ago last Tuesday. He was very ill for several years, much of the time in hospital. When they really needed his bed they sent him to a nursing home 26 miles from me, and I went there every day for the 13 weeks he was there. I spent 5 hours every day with him. I could see him deteriorating every day, and it was heartbreaking knowing that I could do nothing to help.
Because I knew he was slowly dying I decided to get rid of the clothes in his wardrobe including his coats and jackets and shoes. Each one brought back happy memories, especially a lovely Italian jacket and his dress suit and bow ties. He was a handsome man even in his old age. I just knew that if I left the job until he actually passed away I would find it more difficult. The only things I kept were his dressing gown which I often wear, and a soft silky shirt which I wear over my nighty if the evening is chilly. Everything else went to charity shops. The only things left were his shirts which he wore in the care home, and which I asked the nurses to dispose of when he died.
We are all different and I expect many grans will think I am odd to have done it this way. Those of us posting on this thread know well how hard it is to dispose of a loved one's belongings.
I wish you all the best for the future, and hope you keep your happy memories.

Even now, when i open the handbag which belonged to my mum i can get a faint 'smell ' of her especially her purse. She died 11 years ago and i will keep that bag and contents always. We had to get rid of her possessions as she was in a sheltered housing flat and obviously we had to give up the tenancy.

Oh well done - a truly horrible thing to have to do. We don't get practice at these things do we? You have done the right thing. Keep some, but otherwise give to charity where they will achieve something good.

Everything is still very raw for you, polnan. There is no rush to get anything done regarding sorting through your DH things. Do it when you feel the time is right - there are no set rules. Take baby steps, allow those tears to flow and post on GN as often as you want to if it helps you. ?

Luckygirl - just checked Etsy do it with your own fabric and there are loads of tutorials on how to do it yourself.

As a bereavement counsellor I know that going through a loved one’s clothes and other belongings requires great courage and resilience and it will take its emotional toll for some time but it’s a step in the right direction for you and there’s also the value you have given to some other individual in the world by donating your OH’s clothes. Well done to you for finding the strength to do this.

Hi Luckygirl, Check online, there is a website that takes loved ones favourite shirts and jumpers and turns them into cushions or pillows. That might be something you could do with a particular item for yourself and perhaps one each for your girls. Or if you are up to it and are crafty maybe you could do it yourself at some point. Save a few favourite bits and when you feel up to it get sewing. I think its a lovely idea and I wish I had done it when my Mum passed. Hope this helps.