Emotionally wrecked

Yes. Just emptied mum’s 4 bedroom house and had to do the same with hers and my dad’s belongings, immersed in their scent and the memories - some funny, some searing, some guilt evoking. All poignant.

mum left me notes. In pockets, in jewellery boxes and drawers. In her handwriting, things like: ‘No silliness! Get rid of everything without guilt. Keep and enjoy what you want. I’ve had a wonderful life and you’ve been a wonderful daughter.‘ they helped, but still, it all wrings you out like a sponge and leaves you shipwrecked for a long time. X

My Mum kept Dads dressing gown hanging on the back of the bedroom door.
It must have been so hard to do I'm sure the charity shops will be pleased to receive them
Take care.

oh gosh, been isolated, as so many of us here, just beginning to meet up with friends,
my dearest friend just came to see me with her new grandson, it was lovely sitting and talking and drinking coffee together.

now as she left the tears are flowing, we couldn`t hug...

and now came and read these.. my dh died last November, I had managed to dispose of his used clothes,, like socks and most underwear,, can`t do anything else,

cleaned my bedroom (was ours) yesterday so checking some of the drawers came across some of his clothes, (stuff in the wardrobe is sort of out of sight) and just couldn`t, had to stuff them hurriedly back in the drawers...

been crying a lot whilst in isolation, (I don`t think that has helped the grieving) now, as I said reading these posts, well just tears and tears,, I can`t dispose of his things,, don`t want to, think I haven`t let him go,, I am so lonely...

surely this is good to cry? some say cry, I hate it... thanks everyone for this sharing,, I don`t want to dispose of all of his things.

We made cushion covers out of favourite jumpers and even a cardigan with buttons still on. They smell comforting and are lovely to hug on to. Best thing we did and made it easier to let go of other pieces.

My husband kept his fathers suits and wore them now sons and nephews borrow wear them for retro events and to be smart for weddingss etc its a great way for grand kids to remember their grandfather..

Proud of you Luckygirl

Yes such a hard thing to do . My DH too died just over 6 months ago and I still have most of his clothes still in his wardrobe . Mainly because charity shops have been closed and still not talking things . His jackets and thick jumpers went in February to a local appeal for the homeless but everything else remains . I have worn a couple of his shirts to garden( very comforting) but I must think about getting down to clearing and find a charity that will collect as I don’t drive.

My friend made cushion covers out of her mums clothes. And a particularly beautiful cashmere jumper. Think that’s a nice idea.
I’ve been through it too , heartbreaking xx

Without a doubt, I understand. When my mum went 'home' I obviously had to clear her clothes and belongings, couldnt keep them forever and a day, like you, I kept things that really meant something to me.

Just the process of folding them all up and putting them in bags to 'get rid of' left me feeling absolutely wretched, despite the fact I knew it had to be done.

There is still 1 thing that I can not bare to throw away,nor look inside it, it's her handbag, I have it here in the house and every time my eyes cast upon it I shudder and quickly go about my business, it's a horrid experience, I would say to keep sentimental items and be brave by putting the rest in bags and maybe give to a charity shop so others can benefit opposed to just throwing them away.

Heart-breaking indeed. And I cannot listen to any music from around the time we were first together - it just reduces me to a weeping heap.

My friends husband has just had to go through this, as my friend was brutally killed in a hit and run in March. Her sisters and her daughter have only now been able to think about her clothes etc and have shared them all out between them, with nieces etc so that everyone has little keepsakes etc
Meanwhile my friends husband is facing the devastation of empty wardrobes and drawers, and the finality of it all is sinking in. It’s all just so heartbreaking .....

I am just starting in on the CDs - moving house so lots will have to go. I am keeping those that are not available to stream on Spotify.

He had a very wide taste in music and every CD reminds me of the things he enjoyed.

It is very emotional disposing of a loved one’s clothing. I remember helping my mum clear my father’s wardrobe. Mostly we were fine until we came across his box of bow ties, and then his wellies in the shed. We couldn’t bring ourselves to get rid of them, and I still have his bow ties.

When my friend’s lovely husband died she had his shirts (of which he had many) made into a beautiful small quilt. It was a work or art, she used the cuffs and pockets so you can see they were shirts, not just scraps. She treasures it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

That is a terribly emotional job that had to be done and I feel for you. Well done on getting it done. Now be gentle with yourself for a few days to get over the physical and emotional effects of it all. Sending love to you.

I think this is one of the saddest tasks we must do for those we love.
I was very close to my Stepmother and after the death of my Father remained so, after her death, I had to 'sort things out.
I can remember taking a deep breath before walking into her bedroom and opening the wardrobe door....it was so final?!
I was managing quite well until the last door when I saw that she'd kept some of my Father's thing's and under her pillow was his pyjama jacket.
My thoughts are with anyone going through this.

When my husband died, my stepdaughter took several shirts etc and had them made into teddy bears, a nice memory .

Well done Lucky. Its a difficult task but has to be done ?.
I did it gradually, when the moment/s felt right. One SiL had a number of sailing jackets and shirts. I’m occasionally surprised when I see him wearing them & do a double take but DH would approve. All 3 SiLs chose a tie which they wore to the funeral & the 3 girls all chose something to keep. The rest eventually went to Charity shops but I have hung on to a couple of suits and special shirts & a pair of shoes as I can see the shape of his foot. Not sure why ?. I wish I’d kept a some sweaters & made them into cushion covers. As time goes by it becomes a little easier to let go

I had to do this for my son (died age 22) and then my dad 10 months later (age 95) . I am still traumatised. It is the most difficult thing,to effectively discard someone's life. I love them both and miss them both everyday.

When my grandfather died my grandmother passed on all his suits to my Mum with the idea that mum might be able to sell them. This is over 50 years ago and I can still the suits laid out on the bed in the spare bedroom! It really affected mum and she hated having these suits in her house. Don't remember what happened in the end to the suits. I just recall the awful effect on mum.

When it came time for me to go through his clothes/shoes/etc, I kept a couple of shirts that I thought I may wear, but never did and the rest were to go to a charity store. However, I didn't want to meet anyone walking down the street in his clothes, so I drove to another town which had a large charity store and they were thrilled to take them.

One of the ladies there told me that it's quite common for people to take clothes to another town, for the same reasons I did, so at least that made me feel better.

They were so thankful for the donation that they told us to take whatever we needed from the store, but as it was a very emotional day, I just wanted to leave asap. The offer was appreciated though and that wasn't the reason behind the donation.

All the best to those who have been through this too, because until you have, there is no real understanding how difficult it can be. It's so final!

Such a sad situation to deal with....clothes do conjure up the person and are a last reminder of their existence.I think it’s a really good idea to keep one or two things, a favourite jumper or dressing gown but to give away the rest where they will do good, somebody can always use them.
When you are bereaved, you can do this clear up whenever it suits you best, quickly, or a year or two later ( unless moving house) but it’s bound to be a very emotional business.
So sorry for any GN member who have to do this/have done it recently

I asked my helpful son to get rid of all my partner's clothes so that I'd never see them again .. except his academic gown that I guessed Oxfam would like.

Thoughts are with you at such a difficult time. My lovely DH left us in March and I still have a wardrobe full of his very stylish designer clothes and shoes to deal with...some new as well. Can't bear to take them to a charity shop so not sure when I'll be able to sort them out. My heart will tell me when it's time I suppose.