Emotionally wrecked

Oh my goodness. Some of the posts on here have reduced me to tears. I can’t imagine my life without my DH. You’re so brave Luckygirl. You too Keffie. Thank goodness for happy memories. Sending love and hugs. Flowers ? xx

Sending you an enormous hug.
It is indeed very difficult, and I am not being patronising, you have achieved so much by doing this.
I cleared out every item of clothing. I kept things like his wedding tie, his Woolley hat, his daft sombrero, mobile phone, glasses, guitar plectrums, guitars, a Brut deodorant. I have a special cupboard for them all. I too kept a few sweaters for my children to keep as mementoes. It really is an emotional experience, and four years on, the big waves still knock me sideways.x

Oh Luckygirl that is really hard for you. I hope the memories of who he really was come to the fore in time and stay with you. My H had difficult conditions that affected who he really was and I found it difficult to cope. I have lots of smiling photos about that are a comfort and remind me who he really was.

Thank you for those helpful thought Keffie12 - the difficulty for me is that the man I lost on February 1st bore very little resemblance to my husband. His serious paranoia was mainly directed at me - I was poisoning him, organising lesbian affairs etc. etc. - this had gone on for years. And once it had started, I was always slightly wary of him (even when he seemed mentally OK for a while) and what he might accuse me of next. And he was physically helpless. And unable to provide the normal support that partners share. In fact, it really was not him, although there were occasional flashes of who he used to be. It was a one-way traffic.

Who did I lose on Feb 1st? - was it my husband still, or some other person? All this has complicated the process of grieving. I have a friend whose wife died very suddenly from a brain bleed - he knows exactly whom he is mourning. Sometimes I wish I did.

Going through his CDs and books reminds me what an erudite and cultured man he was - but I have almost forgotten that. I think this is partly why I am finding it so very hard to get everything sorted and tidied for the move. I do need to move on though - this place is heaving with truly awful memories.

Just some additional thoughts to add to my post above which may be of help to some of you.

I don't see my husband has gone. Yes in the physical sense. Spiritually he is always with me.

His love and all he was and is is still with us. That hasn't gone from our lives. His love lives on with us. I have a photo area of him in our home.

I wear his wedding ring under mine. I have done since the night he passed and it will stay on my 3rd finger left hand under mine until its my time to join him.

I still talk with him in the old familiar way. David is still included in our lives.

Fortunately I have a very supportive family and friendships around me. I'm blessed as I am not lonely for company. I am lonely for my husband though physically. People think I'm so strong. I don't have an option in the matter

Death ended my husband life- it did not end our relationship/marriage. I have learnt how to forge a new relationshop with him and entwine eatthly life with the spiritual/unseen life

Lucky girl well done. I too lost my husband 2 and a half years ago. It was horrible cleaning out his belongings.

I have kept some special pieces. His favourite lightweight knitted jacket which stays on the bed with me, his Welsh shirts and a pair of shorts.

Re the shorts there is an amusing story behind which is why I kept them.

I also have a memory bear which is on my bed. It is made of David's favourite Welsh Jersey and an old pair of jeans. Its a big comfort.

I'm not a hoarder so I think David would be surprised at some of his stuff I've held onto

Where there is love there will always be grief. Thank you for sharing with us

i lost my husband 18 years ago when i was 39, i cleared everything out two days after he died, i knew it needed to be done and i cried my eyes out, i have always been very practical and knew if i left it till later it would be worse, i was lucky i worked for a charity and they sent someone to collect and the clothes were sent down to england so i did not see anyone wearing them. i kept his dressing gown and slept with that for a few nights, i hope everything goes well for your move x

Me too
It’s such a hard job to do
I kept the buttons off his blazer & one favourite warm winter shirt & a cream scarf Perhaps a theatrical company would use the dress suit I gave some beautiful designer evening gowns I had to one & they added them to their wardrobe
The love you shared never dies He’s always in your heart But boy we do miss their physical presence in our lives x

I recently found my Husbands favourite shirt and made a face mask out of it, keeps him near to me even though he has been gone for eight years now.

My dear Husband passed away eight years ago now, but I recently found one of his favorite shirts and made a face mask out of it.

So many kind supportive posts - can I return the kind thoughts for all those of you who have gone through - or are going through - this difficult task.

carnation - I think the sense of being "adrift with no purpose" is hugely exacerbated by the social-distancing and absence of normal interactions. I do understand that feeling of huge relief that someone has s=ceased to suffer, but then a bit of a back lash as time goes by - I keep asking myself whether he might have improved if strenuous efforts had been made to to keep him going, rather than the decision we all took to leave him in peace. Even as I took the decision, I knew it would come back to bite me.

Hard times - and fellow feeling to all in the same boat.

I have just done the very same and it was heartbreaking, I felt I was throwing him out. Like you I have kept a few things back. My H was away in hosp. for seven weeks before he died with no visits because of the virus, did he think we had all abandoned him? I felt relief at first that he was out of his suffering. Now I feel empty and and cast adrift with no purpose in my life.

think free
how very hard that must have been for you . sending sympathy
xx

Oh, poor you. Probably one of the hardest things you have to do, so well done for getting it done.
My late husband died from cancer, so I was pretty quick in clearing all his clothes and just felt that the cancer charity shop was the right place to take them to.
Good luck with your move and take care of yourself x

My mum donated dads clothes very soon after he died. She wanted it done quickly. She kept his watch which she wore from then on. She said he felt close to him when she wore it.

I know you are moving but, just a small thought : if there are any distinctive garments, it might be an idea to take them to a charity shop quite a way away from where you live, as the last thing you need is seeing someone walking around in your beloved hubby's clothes.....

It's a horrible job. I feel your pain.

Oh Lucky, I feel for you as it isn’t easy. I did it in stages, genuinely when it was behind me I knew I had done the right thing. ?

I understand completely how you feel as my husband died when I was 53 in 2006. After a year of keeping some precious clothes and personal items I took his big velour dressing gown to a dressmaker who made 3 cushion covers for me and the children. The pockets are used as iPhone/Kindle holders!
It is so wonderful for us to remember him by these cushions and my adult daughter says she lays her head on it when she is unwell. I placed his very personal items in his small suitcase and there they remain. Someone can sort them out when I am gone!

lucky for you and everyone else suffering the loss of a loved one

There are companies that will make items such as teddy bears or just cushion covers from items of clothing that have sentimental value.
But well done for doing one of the most difficult jobs ever. I hope that you also resurrected some lovely memories in the process.

I haven't read through all the comments but I have heard of people who make lovely cushions out of some garments belonging to a loved one.....it's good to take photos before discarding some belongings too. ?

My heart goes out to you Luckygirl, I did the same thing when my Husband died fifteen years ago,I kept one shirt which I thought he looked nice in, couldnt bear to throw it away.When I die my children will wonder what on earth it is there for,I wont be around to tell.

I lost my husband 4 years ago and just opening his wardrobe door still upsets me! I am almost in tears. His suits, jackets, shirts, jumpers are still in there and it just reminds me of when he wore them last. I am hoping my children will sort them out as I am probably moving house next year. It is tough!

My mother never cleared out my father's clothes and she lived a further 14 years. His shaving brush was still there when we cleared out the house. Courage Lucky and perhaps Google or look on Pinterest for memory quilts or T-shirt quilts. I had to clear out my uncles house and the Salvation Army came and took all his clothes. I had a very short time line and was very grateful.

Luckygirl you are experiencing a very hard time. I have kept a few of my late H clothes for now but maybe in the future will give them to charity. Good luck with your move and remember - tomorrow will be a better day (where have we heard that before recently)!